Grab your bling bling flask or wine goblet and brace yourself for part one of the Big Rich Texas reunion special. Vivica A. Fox mediates the scream fest. On stage are Bonnie Blossman, Whitney Whatley, DeAynni Hatley, Shaye Hatley, Connie Dieb, Melissa Poe, Maddie Poe, Cindy Davis, Alex Davis, and Kalyn Braun.
Leslie Birkland is too chicken shit to show her face. She joins the others via video camera from a secret location. #psychward
Bonnie jumps right in, calling Leslie a lying bitch. Warning: if you take a drink every time someone says bitch, you're going to be plastered 10 minutes into the show. Vivica asks Leslie why she's in hiding. She says, "Because of what happened the last time I was with these so called ladies. They attacked me." Is she trippin'? Well, at least drama queen delusions never fail to entertain.
Connie tells Vivica, "Leslie lied so much, she shouldn't feel safe. She should be sitting there be herself."
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Recap #1 – Bonnie and Leslie
Bonnie and Leslie's friendship really began to unravel at DeAynni's Texas Diva Reconstruction party. When Whitney says Kalyn got fired from the ranch for spreading her legs, Leslie begs Bonnie to control her daughter. Bonnie refuses. Then, at Leslie and Rip's engagement party, Bonnie's husband Jason and Leslie's son Tyler exchanged nasty insults and threats of physical violence. The last straw: Leslie filed a police report against Jason the next day.
Vivica asks where they stand now, Bonnie calls Leslie a fake-ass bitch, Leslie rolls her eyes, and both agree that they'll never be friends again.
Recap #2 – Kalyn and Whitney
There was no shortage of insults between these two this season! The recap reel shows Kalyn saying "Whitney and whats-his-face make a great couple – they're both trashy" and Whitney asking Kalyn "Is that a relative of yours that you're sleeping with?" Kalyn definitely added fuel to the fire when she asked Whitney's [then] boyfriend Booger to look at / pierce her vagina area. #notcool
Whitney says they're both women trying to be top boss… and jabs, insults, and competition just happen. Kalyn agrees. Bonnie adds, "If you mess with Whitney, she's going to keep it going and finish it." Leslie weighs in: Whitney, 24, is too old to be picking on Kalyn, 18. Whitney yells at Leslie, "You pick on me! You called me tacky ass." LesLIE denies, denies, denies.
Whitney believes Leslie uses Kalyn as a pawn. Kalyn becomes emotional and cries, "Everyone is entitled to their opinion … but Leslie is the only mother figure that I've known because I don't have a mom." Leslie says she's proud of Kalyn and will always be there for her. Melissa, always a hoot, adds, "Kalyn has always been very loose with the boys, or whatever, but she has changed."
Petty fights and loosey goosey vaginas aside, Whitney realizes Kalyn has had a rough life and admits Kalyn is probably a stronger woman than her because of it. Kalyn appreciates Whitney's admission, adding, "If we're going to claim to be adults, we should act like adults." Pigs with wings must be making ice cream in Hell because Whitney and Kalyn actually hug it out.
Recap #3 – Bonnie and Whitney
This season, we saw Whitney come back to Bonnie (from CA) only to move in with Booger shortly thereafter. Bonnie doesn't handle it well, though she later comes to realize Booger is an incredibly kind-hearted awesome dude. Booger asks for Bonnie and Jason's blessing to propose to Whitney. Bonnie is over the moon excited. Jason says hell to the no.
Back to the reunion, Bonnie cries. A lot. First, Bonnie feels like she's losing Whitney to Booger. Second, Bonnie has a hard time accepting the tattoos. Whitney says to Bonnie, "We're close… but we don't have to be attached at the hip. To this day, I do not have a bill [to pay]. It makes me irresponsible. I need to learn." Yoohoo, Bonnie! You can pay my bills. I won't complain.
One thing Bonnie and Whitney definitely agree on… costumes! Vivica doesn't get the costume love. Bonnie doesn't care, adding, "You only live once!" Cindy says, "It's cute now, but when they showed up to the dog party dressed as rats…" Everyone yells, CATS! They were cats! Connie thinks they're fabulous. Whitney and Bonnie unapologetically stand their ground: "We love costumes. And we love glitter, it's the herpes of the art world."
Recap #4 – Cindy and Alex
Cindy and Alex (along with Nikki Walker and the barely seen Wendy Walker) were new this season. The recap reel shows Cindy saying, "What are you embarrassed about? I'm always drunk." #truestory
Cindy admits that she and Pam Martin Duarte, who was on Dallas Divas and Daughters and the first two seasons of Big Rich Texas, hang in the same fancy-pants Texas circle. And Pam totally told Cindy the Big Rich Texas gals cannot be trusted. Leslie grins like a Botoxed Cheshire Cat.
Vivica asks Cindy if she drink too much. She says no. When Vivica asks Alex how she feels about her mother's drinking, she quips, "Well, she's way over the legal age, so I don't have a problem with it." Cindy says it's a non-issue, as she expects Alex to "do as I say, not as I do." #bigrichtexas #parenting101
According to Melissa, the only drinking problem that Cindy has is, too much alcohol makes her speak without thinking. And that's what makes her awesome TV.
Recap #5 – Jason and Tyler
Maddie says Tyler calls Whitney a bitch all. the. time. Leslie pretty much calls Maddie a liar, saying, "I don't believe that. He doesn't even talk about Whitney. He doesn't even care about her." The group mocks Leslie… Leslie continues to spew nonsense… Whitney says to Leslie, "We're calling you a liar, bitch."
Cindy insists she never saw Jason touch Leslie during his and Tyler's fight. Cindy maintains that Jason came to her rescue that night, to which Leslie replies, "That is completely erroneous. Jason wasn't sticking up for you. Jason just wanted TV TIME." And couches go crazy! Bonnie screams, "You are the dumbest, ridiculous, most heinous bitch ever." Connie says, "He's a good person… and she's worried about TV time."
Kalyn looks completely disgusted. I'd love to know what is going through her mind! Leslie knows she needs to shift the focus – and quick! – so she
makes stuff up about attacks Whitney and Jason's relationship. Leslie claims Whitney told Tyler she "could care less" if Jason died. First, Leslie, my dear, it's COULD NOT care less. Second, what a bunch of crap. Third, Whitney and Bonnie both lose it. Bonnie storms off, hoping to find the broom closet Leslie is hiding in, and Whitney threatens to "knock the f-k" outta her. #goodtimes Leslie is all like, you all know I'm willing to defend my honor with a fake polygraph. Leslie is such a nutjob. Leslie is also a compulsive liar. Someone who so deeply believes their lies probably could pass a lie detector test.
During the reunion, Cindy came under fire for [what appears like she’s] hitting on Tyler. She tweets:
Jason joins the party. Tyler was invited but declined. Apparently, Jason reached out to Leslie the night of the fight, to apologize, but Leslie did not respond. Now, Leslie claims that Jason didn't contact her until long after she filed the incident report. Jason offers to pull the email… and Bonnie yells, "Date stamp, bitch!"
Jason wants to know why Leslie is "so afraid" of him since he only "staged" the confrontation for "camera time." Leslie maintains that she's afraid… but now it's because of how the ladies treated her at Melissa's fashion show… she cries, "Bonnie will hit me!" Bonnie responds, "I've never hit anybody in my life, but you might be the first, bitch."
Vivica invites Leslie to the stage. Needless to say, she declines because of how the other ladies love to hit her and all. Whatever. As far as I'm concerned, LesLIE can stay in her broom closet for the rest of eternity. Jason says Leslie goes out of her way to make his and Tyler's fight into a "grandiose deal" for sympathy/attention and mocks the way she introduces herself as the star of Big Rich Texas. Leslie denies she's ever called herself the star despite Alex saying she has. In the end, Jason apologizes to Tyler.
The second half of the Big Rich Texas reunion airs next week. To be discussed: DeAynni's craptastic parenting, Whitney and Booger, Kalyn and Paul, Jason's refusal to bless Whitney and Booger's engagement, and Connie and Leslie's season-ending fight.
TELL US – ANY SHOCKERS? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT CINDY'S TWEET? DO YOU WANT LESLIE & KALYN BACK NEXT SEASON?