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I spy with my little eye … self-serving agendas, freaky foreheads, and Monster High inspired eye shadow … it must be Married to Medicine

This week's episode begins with Duncan and Kari Wells, talking business and going over space plans for the medical office building they own. There's one floor still unfinished, and Kari invites Dr. Simone Whitmore to check it out. Duncan asks about Aydin, who had agreed to look at the space, but Kari shoots down the idea. Aydin is married to Mariah Huq, she reminds, and that comes with some serious baggage. 

Meanwhile, Eugene and Toya Harris go over the plans for their upcoming Halloween party, the Spookey Ookey. First things first, Eugene wants to know how much money is being spent on the party, and I bust out laughing. Poor neutered Eugene … he's so cute … As expected, Toya's like, bitch, please and brings up more pressing issues, like Mariah's invitation to the party. Together, Eugene and Toys decide to un-invite Mariah and her family from the Spookey Ookey. Toya sends Mariah an email that reads like a college denial letter. 

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Next, Mariah and Quad Webb-Lunceford meet, to gossip, drink, and annoy me. The constant "what's the tea, tea, tea!" and "check your email!" lines make my skin crawl. Yes, Quad is growing on me, but only when she's not referring to herself as "she" and/or drunk on the Mariah-flavored Kool-Aid. Mariah is trying way too hard to be a character and it's extremely off-putting. Pretending to be NeNe Leakes and Tamar Braxton is neither cute nor entertaining. 

Anyway, Mariah skimps on baking Halloween cookies to afford herself more time and energy to talk about Toya. Mariah admits that she and Toya have not talked since the fight, adding, "Her sending disinvites definitely doesn't help the damn situation." Quad calls Toya a "low-down dirty scoundrel" and declares it a dead topic. Mariah agrees and claims to be over Toya.

Then, Mariah mentions Toya's name every 38 seconds for the rest of the episode. First, Mariah is upset by her "ratchet to riches to ratchet" reaction to Toya, adding, "I worked hard to get to the place I am today. I pulled myself up by the straps of my own boots. Toya can't even damn spell boots." (says the English professor) Next, Mariah brags about how she developed Toya into the "wonderful doctor's wife that she is today." Is she serious right now? In one breath, she criticizes everything about Toya, and in the next breath, she wants to take credit for the wonderful person that she is. I just can't with her.​ 

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Finally, Mariah and Quad come to the conclusion that Toya is using the fight to "catapult to another level" at Mariah's expense. "I think the ladies would love for me to feel as though I don't deserve to be where I am and I'm not the woman I thought I was," Mariah adds. "Everybody goes for the top, but I'm not moving." To me, Mariah is coming across as incredibly petty, and she seems more upset about Toya trying to take her "top spot" than she is about the alleged beauty shop gossip. I continue to doubt Mariah's spin on this story

Next, Quad takes her yappy dogs shopping, and Mariah tags along despite the fact that she hates dogs. Quad reprimands one of her dogs for stealing her spotlight (I wish I were kidding), and then she plans a red carpet event, Puppies in Paris, for her dogs and their friends (I wish I were kidding again).

I commend Quad for her charitable efforts, but the money wasted on the party could have gone directly to the charity, saving us from hearing Mariah scream "Bonjour! Oui, oui!" every commercial break. But, the party doesn't even matter, as it's just a means to create show drama. On that note, Quad admits that she plans to "shake Toya down for a dollar" by inviting her to Puppies in Paris. Mariah doesn't want to see Toya … she also doesn't own a dog, or even like dogs, but she looks forward to attending the party … to support her friend. Right. 

Anyway, Mariah harps on Toya the entire day, forcing Quad (the doctor's wife in training) to tell Mariah (the perfect doctor's wife) to class it up a little. At the end of the day, Quad spends $232 on dog clothes and bows, and I can't help but to laugh. 

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Moving on, we catch up with Dr. Simone at her office, where she's lovingly referred to as Dr. Bitchmore. Simone neither denies nor makes excuses for her "special personality," and that's part of the reason I love her. Simone meets with a patient, Jeenetta, who wants to get pregnant, like, yesterday. Because Jeenetta is a lesbian, Simone recommends a fertility specialist, but Jeenetta has other plans. She wants to find a man, have sex, while her partner watches, and become pregnant. Simone thinks this is a terrible idea. To the camera, Simone asks, "Did she get a little desire for the penis?" From there, Simone meets Dr. Jackie Walters for lunch. You could not pay me to eat a meal with Jackie … she's SUCH a food buzz kill … hands off the cookies! 

It's Halloween day, and Mariah, Aydin, and their kids are on their way to a different party. Nevertheless, Mariah is still bitter about being excluded from Toya's party, saying, "Before me, there was no Toya. She was a little ol' housewife, wearing flip flops and True Religion jeans, so I feel very betrayed." 

Mariah admits that she's also mad at Kari and Simone for going to Toya's party, saying, "I've been the nucleus of this group. I have been the Queen Bee. I think Toya definitely is on a mission to turn my friends against me." Over at the Spookey Ookey, Kari gushes, "I have a lot of respect for Toya. She made a mistake, she owned up to it, she apologized. That's what friends do." 

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Quad attends the same party as Mariah, of course, and Mariah cannot wait for her to arrive so she can talk about Toya. At their party, Mariah and Quad sit at a kiddie table, seemingly all alone, and joke about how the absence of their life of the party selves must be killing Toya's party. Why are they so worried about Toya's party? Don't they have better things to worry about? Meanwhile, Toya's guests appear to be having a great time at the Spookey Ookey. Toya points out that no one cares about Mariah, adding, "She's not missed over here." 

Next, Jeenetta is back in Simone's office, with her partner, and she still thinks sex with a man is the way to go. Yikes. Jeenetta's partner is hearing this for the first time and is not pleased. Simone sides with her – sperm in a jar, yes. sex with a man, no. – and Jeenetta gives up and agrees to visit a sperm bank.

It's Puppies in Paris time. Walking up to the party, Quad cries, "Where's my red carpet? Oh my." #doctorswivesproblems Then, Toya has the nerve to show up (wearing, gasp, jeans and a t-shirt) while Quad's still getting her makeup done. Yes. The dog party apparently comes with its own hair and makeup glam squad. Quad bemoans, "The cat drug in Tacky T. What is she wearing? Are we in the hood or are we at Pups in Paris?"​

Toya feels awkward at the party, being around Quad for the first time, but takes solace in the fact that dog-hating Mariah isn't there. Quad asks for donations, planning to "shake Toya up for some coins," and goes on to watch her like a hawk. Just then, Mariah walks in, screaming, "Bonjour! Oui, Oui!" Take a seat, Mariah, you're not as impressive as you think you are. To the camera, Toya says, "Mariah made an entrance to a dog party with a fake dog. Did you catch that dirt?" At the party, Toya takes a deep breath and searches for her (real) dog. If she's smart, she'll hightail it outta there!

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There's no doubt in my mind as to why Mariah attends this party. She's beyond transparent, heading right for Toya, to start trouble. Mariah, too, passes judgment on Toya's outfit, saying, "Toya would not be wearing tennis shoes and a t-shirt had show known [I was going to be at the party]." Then, Mariah directs her daughter, Lauren, to ask Toya why she couldn't come to the Spookey Ookey. Wow … to use your own child as a pawn in your petty games … I have no words. 

Toya seeks out Quad, to tell her that's she's uncomfortable, doesn't want to pretend everything is okay, and plans to leave. However, Quad vows to not let Toya leave until she coughs up those coins, saying to the camera, "You will stay and write a check. Don't run from the kitchen. Is it too hot?" 

For reasons I'll never understand, Toya decides to stay AND approaches Mariah, gah! Toya tells Mariah that she should have called if Lauren wanted to come to the party that badly. Toya adds, "I just didn't want you to come and act up," to which Mariah says, "When have I ever acted up?" This woman is nuts! 

"Oh shit," Toya says. "That was unbelievable. I really believe Mariah has multiple personality disorder. There's definitely a screw loose." #cosign 

When Toya walks away, Mariah brags, "TKO! I definitely won this round. Just like the last." In my opinion, Mariah clearly only cares about winning and being on top of her social pyramid. And, for the love of all things holy, why hasn't Mariah directly confronted Toya about the supposed beauty shop gossip?!? The only "winners" here are Jeenetta's partner and the dogs. 

TELL US – DO YOU LIKE MARIAH? DO YOU "LIVE FOR" QUAD? WHOSE SCENES DO YOU ENJOY THE MOST? YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE DOG PARTY DRAMA? 

Photo credit: Bravo

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