On last night's episode of Don't Be Tardy, our favorite wig-wearing delusionite came up with a new reason for why she can't do anything for herself.
Apparently Kim Zolciak now has ADD and it's the all the fault of that pesky birth control chip known as the IUD. So what's a lady of the wigdor to do? Yank it out in the powder room all by herself, y'all! Don't Be Classy!
Things begin with Kim at home roaming around pretending to be busy while the nannies hover in the corner just to the left of screen. In the meantime Brielle is doing everything possible to get Kim's attention while Kim talks about herself and pretends she's sooooooooo busy. Brielle says that now that Kim is married to Kroy Biermann and dealing with the boys she feels like she never gets anytime with her mom alone.
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Since it's about to be the NFL playoff games Kroy has his chiropractor over to adjust him. It's all snap, crackle, pop and since Kroy is getting some attention for 3.5 seconds Kim has to wig-gle in and claim she needs adjusting too. See it's really, really stressful being Kim and she's like soooo busy and tired and therefore her neck is out of alignment and her back. And her ability to be a decent human being – but I don't know if that's repairable!
Kim blames her joint problems on mattress gymnastics and the fact that Kroy thinks she's a 21-year-old instead of a 45-year-old AARP member in the sack. Oh Kim… Kim keeps repeating that she's no spring chicken like she's waiting for someone to assure her she is still young. No one does.
While adjusting Kim's neck the doctor notices a lot of tension. He asks how much a wig weighs and then basically tells her it's giving her back problems. Kim's wigs are all lined up along the wall on their little headstands and they start to form a militia to take out the good doc who dares accuse them of being to blame for anything. Not to worry, dear wiggies, because Kim will never turn her back on you!
The funniest part of the whole scene is that KJ, sitting in Kroy's lap, pointed at all the wigs and said "mama"!
Apparently part of being a chiropractor is being able to tell if people will have more kids and what they're having. Of course Kim wants the "test". She and Kroy want a girl, but Brielle really, really wants another boy since she already gets no attention. I'm guessing Brielle's sudden bad grades may just be an attempt to secure some focus from her mom who is now a big and fancy NFL wife instead of a mistress.
Kroy and Kim tease Brielle that they are going to have twin girls, no sex errrrrr… sextuplet girls. And they'll have blue eyes and blonde hair and a big butt just like Brielle always wanted. I guess Brielle is distraught over the fact that she doesn't look like Pamela Anderson, the Baywatch era or something? So that was gross. The chiropractor tells Kim she will have another kid and it will be a boy.
Oh what happened next on this show – oh yes, Kim has ADD all of the sudden. Are we sure she isn't huffing wig glue? While making vodka tonics in a white trash cocktail shaker (two red solo cups!), Kim talks a mile a minute about herself until Kroy smashes a vodka bottle over his own head.
Anyway, she has ADD and she blames her IUD after a quick Google search. Therefore decides she needs to yank it out herself, right now, in the bathroom with Kroy's assistance. Wouldn't most people call their highly inappropriate gyno and have another session of him making highly inappropriate jokes about contraception? Guess not! Dr. Google to the rescue. Besides – Kim's a nurse!
Kim tucks her wig between her legs, plops down on the toilet and starts to yank while Kroy coaches her through the process. Luckily the camera crew remained outside the bathroom. Good thing nothing ruptured
– except my brain from watching this idiotic show!
They both roll out of the bathroom proudly holding the IUD by its string (I hope hands were washed first!) and have a debate about what exactly an IUD does. Kroy thinks it keeps your eggs from falling out. And we don't want those suckers cracking on the floor. And Kim thinks they make sperm swim in the other direction. Don't forget – Kim's a NURSE.
Well now that Kim's baby prevention chip has been removed she can resume securing her financial future! Nothing like a contingency plan! Kroy admits he's not ready for another baby like right this very second, but it's 100% apparent Kim does not care what Kroy wants as she plots starting a baby wig collection for her new little daughter and forgetting about those other two that don't come with a built-in bank account. If Kim and Kroy have a daughter she is so going to end up on Toddlers & Tiaras!
Then Kim, Jen, and Brielle pay a visit to the new house, which is still a construction zone and eat some pizza. And poor Brielle starts to cry while sitting there with the pizza box on her lap as Kim stuffs her face.
Brielle feels Kim no longer has time for her and there are so many changes in her life. And they never go anywhere except to the new house to check the progress (which never progresses?). Furthermore Kim pretty much expects Brielle to do everything for herself and live off pizza. Kim swallows a huge mouthful and starts talking about how moving is stressful and Brielle doesn't realize how much work it is to move, and take care of two babies and meet with her stylist, and maintain her wigs, and keep Kroy pacified with constant breast milk shots and sexytimes.
And then Brielle starts crying about the drama with NaNa which reminds Kim that she has to deal with that too. And about issues at school. Kim reassures Brielle that she still loves her, but now that she's married and has two more kids she just has less time to baby her. I feel sorry for Brielle – all of these changes happened so fast and being a teenager is so hard as it is.
Kim promises she will try to find more time for Brielle and that she definitely hasn't forgotten about her or Arianna. Next week they take a family vacation where Kroy talks to Brielle about his role in her life.
Is this show over yet?
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – SHOULD KIM BE WORRIED ABOUT BRIELLE? IS KIM GOING TO ANNOUNCE HER PREGNANCY ON THE SEASON FINALE?