Stop the presses! I mean, STOP THEM! There is some majorly breaking news, and you may want to sit down. Seated? Okay.
Plastic Courtney Stodden and creepy Doug Hutchison are separating. Deep breaths. It's no longer just a rumor. It's for serious, y'all, as the couple has already issued a statement and everything. What's next? Kate Gosselin stops chasing the limelight? Kimye doesn't stand the test of time? Is the apocalypse upon us?
I know what you're all thinking because I'm thinking the same thing. If this crazy kid and her crazy almost senior citizen hubby can't make it in today's world, where is the hope for the rest of us? And dare I ask? Whatever will become of their pooch Dourtney?
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In Case You Didn't Know is reporting on the break-up that has totally rocked me to the core. It seems that Courtney's stripper heels and new lips enjoyed their time away from Doug when she was scaring the Brits during Celebrity Big Brother. Thankfully, Doug is going to remain on as her manager, which means that we'll all still be able to follow her sky-rocketing career. It no doubt will involve a collaboration with Farrah Abraham.
The official statement explains that, after two and a half years of marriage, "Courtney and Doug have decided to become legally separated. This is a mutual and amicable decision that they're making together. As you know, Courtney was married at a young age. Now, at nineteen, she's interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult–with the freedom to explore her independence. Doug supports Courtney 100%."
It continues, "The two will share custody of their precious pup, Dourtney, remain living in the same house (for now) in separate bedrooms, and Doug will be co-managing Courtney's career." Whew. Thank goodness. I was so concerned as to the well-being of Dourtney (which is totally going to be my next dog's name, by the way–because I hate animals. ).
For their part, the couple reminds fans, "We love each other very much, want for each other's happiness, and will continue being the best of friends for life."
Best friends for life…well, at least that makes the news a tad easier to swallow!
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[Photo Credit: Will Alexander/WENN.com]