On last night's 16 And Pregnant camo-lovin' country girl Autumn is a 16 year-old sophomore from Kentucky whose boyfriend (the highly-quotable) Dustin just will not give up the weed. Autumn is having a son that they plan to name Drake, but she's already the mother to Dustin who is immature, irresponsible, and loves to get hi-hi-hi-hiiiigh! Dustin has hard time accepting that fatherhood will mean giving up his favorite past-time: partying!
Through his red-rimmed eyes and the haze of his pot-glaze, Dustin just does not grasp the concept of parenthood. Of course he is jobless and hanging out with his friends. In fact he's so high I think he forgot he had a girlfriend, let alone one he impregnated. And Dustin sports a hat with beer bottle caps wrapped all around the brim. Classy!
To further complicate Autumn's life her older sister Misty is also a teen mom who had a baby months before. What is happening in this house?! Autumn tells her mom she didn't want to take birth control because she was afraid to gain weight. "I didn't wanna get fat," Autumn says looking down at her bump and revealing she has since gained 40lbs.
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Dustin and Autumn discuss how they feel about being parents as Autumn draws a wedding ring on Dustin's finger in magic marker. Oh lawd. "I always thought pregnancy tests were bullsh-t," Dustin shares. Apparently Autumn was feeling sick and her sister Misty took her to the store for a pregnancy test. She peed on the stick in the bathroom and then facetimed Dustin to show him the positive test.
Dustin is nervous about parenthood. "You ain't the one pushin' it out yer hoo-ha," Autumn reminds him as reassurance. As for his extracurricular activity, Dustin has no intention of giving up weed for Drake, but he promises to cut back. "I ain't gonna be high, just buzzin'," Dustin insists. "I'm gonna stop partying… as much…"
Autumn has given up partying, of course, and has decided to homeschool through pregnancy and after the baby with her mom's help.
Autumn's mom is very concerned about Dustin stepping up, so she arranges a family meeting with Dustin and his mom. In an effort to prove he's responsible Dustin bought a crib at a yard sale for $1. Over lunch, Dustin shares his plans to smoke pot less frequently, but refuses to give it up completely. His mom explodes with anger.
"You're gonna make me get loud in this restaurant son!" his mom screams. "Where are you gonna get the money to buy weed?!" Ummm… MTV! "You're not even ready to be an adult, let alone a parent," a furious Dee adds. After discovering that his dollar crib is broken, Dustin and Autumn go look at new ones. They find one for $69 dollars and Autumn reminds him again why he needs a job. "Whaddya want me to do – poop out money?"
Autumn helps Dustin call places to see if they're hiring and he finally gets employed at a bike shop. And he's trying to stay clean. Supposedly. Autumn is so proud, but that's short-lived!
Autumn and Misty discuss the likelihood that Dustin is unworthy of being a teen dad (per Misty) while they walk Misty's son camo babyhat around. Autumn tries to sell her sister on Dustin's improvement, but Dustin to say his mom called the cops on him for weed. "Still think he's ready to be a dad?" A smug Misty wonders.
Dustin insists his friends left the weed at his house but he threw it away. A likely story… Autumn still has complete faith in Dustin. But her mother does not. They decide to make Dustin take a home drug test. Since this family apparently thinks pee tests can only be taken in public places, Autumn and her mom demand Dustin take the test in the restaurant bathroom. They do have indoor plumbing at their own homes, correct?
After some arguing, Dustin goes to the bathroom to pee in the cup, but he can't figure out the results. He brings the cup filled with pee out and puts it on the table so Autumn can try to decipher the results – and lookee here: Dustin has passed. Miracles do exist. He takes a picture of the passed test to show his mom. "That's the first drug test I've ever passed," he says sheepishly as Autumn and her mom cheer.
"He's not perfect, but he's as ready for fatherhood as he'll ever be!" Autumn brags. Which is good because Autumn starts having contractions a month early. "What the hell is a contraction? I forgot… " Dustin wonders before they head to the doctor's office.
"We gonna get my tubes tied – no more babies. We gonna get on birth control and you gonna learn to put on a condom," a woozy Autumn lectures at the hospital. Um… honey, you do know getting your tubes tied is permanent? While Autumn cries in agony, Dustin takes a nap under a giant blanket with a weed plant on it. He wakes up in time to help Autumn push and baby Drake is born.
MTV further traumatizes us by showing us a close-up of Autumn's placenta. Don't get pregnant kids! Drake leaves the hospital in a camo-outfit, which I suppose is better than a pot-leaf onesie! Dustin starts out being helpful-ish, but of course he quickly slacks off and disappears. Even worse, he has a job but is not spending any of his paycheck on baby supplies.
When Dustin is around his primary concern is playing with Drake. "Can you be a parent instead of a teenager for five seconds?!" Autumn snaps. Dustin offers Autumn $2.50 to buy baby supplies and never comes over with diapers, wipes or any baby necessities leaving Autumn and her mom to pay for everything. After a $280 circumcision bill arrives, Autumn's mom gets angry and advocates taking Dustin to court for child support.
Autumn wants to give Dustin one more chance so she and her mom try to work out an agreement where he will buy a box of diapers and wipes every week when he gets paid. Dustin is clearly not taking it seriously as he burps and laughs. "I barely get $40 for working one day," Dustin argues. Ummmmm… and considering he lives with his mom what bills does this slacker have? Oh right – his other girlfriend Mary Jane!
Autumn gives Dustin one month to straighten out or face child support. "It's not fair – you're just comin' around being a 'friend' to the baby," Autumn tells him, "While I'm doing and paying for everything." So, lemme break this down: if he's a loser BEFORE you got pregnant, he's probably gonna be one AFTER you have the baby.
After no follow-through, Autumn and her camo shirt take Drake and his camo outfit to an attorney on Valentine's Day. Autumn's mom is very supportive and reminds her the government will make Dustin pay up. Autumn decides to go through with seeking child support.
When she tells Dustin he ignores her and tells Autumn she's being stupid. Right – because wanting your kid to have food and clothing is so "stupid".
"A year ago I never thought I'd have a baby at sixteen and be in a courtroom at seventeen filing for child support on my boyfriend because he doesn't help," Autumn tearfully tells us. Autumn has lost her faith in Dustin and doesn't see them together. She is proud of herself for being so strong for her son. She also got a job and is getting As & Bs in home school with her mom's help with child care.
WHERE IS AUTUMN NOW: Despite everything Autumn and Dustin are currently together. She claims he's really trying to straighten his life out. "He's not a bad dad. Since the show he has became a man and I'm proud of him. Drake loves his daddy," Autumn tweeted. Dustin himself tweeted that he's smoking "a lot less weed" and is graduating high school. They are both still working and going to school. I guess the family that camos together, stays together!
Autumn And Drake Today [Credit: Twitter]
Dustin And Drake Today [Credit: Twitter]
[Photo Credits: MTV]
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