Ahhhh… girls can dream right? We here at Reality Tea got to thinking about what we would do if we won the $1.5 billion dollar Powerball Jackpot drawing tonight, besides, obviously giving ourselves raises and bailing Teresa Giudice out of tax debt.
Yes, if we won the jackpot we could do many a’splendored things to better reality television, from starting our own reality shows (yes, please!), to completing Chateau Sheree!
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Reality TV World Tour!
Let Bravo be your guide on the ultimate Reality TV Vacation! If we won the Powerball we'd travel to all the impossibly luxe destinations frequented by our favorite reality stars. Morocco with The Countess? St. Barths with Aviva's leg and White Trash mouth? Disney World with Kate Plus 8? Italy with Caroline Manzo? Yes, please - we want to see them ALL!
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
Our Own Talk Show!
We'd definitely be using our Powerball winnings to start our own talk show so we could dish about all of our favorite reality TV dramas and stars. Come to think of it we should do that anyway - we can merge our dreams with our beer budget by using YouTube.
A Reality TV Olympics
Enough reality stars are married to athletes (or former athletes) that we could start our own Olympic games. Games with the added twist of having our favorite stars compete in such events as Wine Toss Relays, Telephone Gossip, The Higher The Heels, and more!
Screw Gold Medals, the winner is rewarded with one year of good editing!
Behind-The-Scenes Dirt For Sale?
If we won the Powerball we'd pay producers to give us ALL the inside scoops on who's the worst behaved, the biggest bitch, and what REALLY went down in some of the most scandalous moments on Reality TV.
Reality Tea Airlines
In order to travel around the world to Reality TV destinations, we'd need our own private jet of course.
Get ready to fly the snarky skies on Reality Tea Airways!
Reality Tea's Romance Reality Check!
If we won a billion, we'd make sure to spread the love by starting our own matchmaking service for our relationship challenged stars. Imagine a world in which Kenya Moore has the potential to find love with Lord Disick, or Brandi Glanville could be set-up with failed Bachelor alum Juan Pablo!
The possibilities are endless! Swipe Left for Porsha Williams!
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
Pretty woman walking down the street. Pretty woman Kanye wants to take over your waaaaaardrobe!
Just kidding about letting Kanye do any shopping for us, but we'd totally love a shopping spree at some of our stars' favorite stores. Louis Vweeetawn? Loubowtaawn? Kyle By AleneToo? Mint Swim? Yes, please!
[Photo Credit: WENN]
Buy A Mohamed Hadid Manson
Since our funds would be as unlimited as our dreams, we'd buy a massive Mohamed Hadid mansion, filled with massive self-portraits of ourselves, a persaonlized wig room, a walk-in closet for all our newly acquired shoes, and, of course, a champagne faucet ala Heather Dubrow. How many doorknobs would we need again? 600? No problem!
A Reality TV Museum
Inside our Mohamed Hadid Mansion we could open the first Reality TV museum. On Display will be Danielle Staub's past, Evelyn Lozada's wedding dresses, Kim Zolciak's Wig Collection, quotables from all the shadiest reads, a best villain exhibit (going all the way back to Omarosa), and so much more!
Bye-Bye Backdoor Farrah Parts!
If I were a gazillionaire I would buy all the Farrah Abraham coochie and butt molds, blow-up dolls and "sexual enhancement toys" to get them OFF the market. Consider it philanthropy. My work saving the world is done.
Our Own Reality TV Awards
If we were worth billions, we'd host our own Reality TV Awards! Such categories would include: Most Offensive Outfit, Best Read, Worst Plastic Surgery, Most Producer Driven Fight, and Deadliest Dinner Party From Hell!
Reality TV Rehab
There are some former stars who just cannot accept that their 15 minutes have come to an end. To help these poor, saddened souls confront the painful reality that their days on TV have passed, we'd get them the help they need in our reality TV rehab. Paging Dr. Phil...
Leased Luxury Vehicles
With our Powerball winnings we wouldn't need a mysterious African Sugar Daddy to lease us a Bentley, we'd just buy our own! Hell - maybe we'd even share the wealth and buy a few for our down-and-out sisters on reality TV. You know as a Thank You for all the entertainment they've provided us over the years!
Survivor: Reality Stars
Imagine several of your favorite (or least favorite) stars trapped on an island, battling it out. I'd nominate NeNe Leakes, Geraldo, Farrah Abraham, Brandi Glanville, Phaedra Parks, Kody Brown, Jon Gosselin, Renee Graziano, Michelle Duggar, Stassi Schroeder, Jill Zarin, Abby Lee Miller, and Lil Scrappy!
Who would you vote off the island?
Plastic Surgery Fixes
Because we want our reality stars to look and feel their best, we'd pay Botched doctors Paul Nassif and Terry Dubrow to do some plastic surgery de-botching. Oh imagine - a reality TV world where fake butts don't look like shoeboxes and fake lips don't flap like duck bills.
The Ultimate Reality TV Remix
If we were rich, we'd produce an Ultimate Reality Remix album featuring songs from all your favorite reality stars/turned pop singers. And even better - we'd hold a giant concert with all the proceeds going towards paying off bankruptcy debt for stars in need!
Think Kim Zolciak, Luann de Lesseps, K. Michelle, Farrah Abraham, Danielle Staub, Melissa Gorga, Tamar Braxton, Erika Jayne, and more!
Million Dollar Listing
With our millions we'd live out our own personal Million Dollar Listing fantasy of buying a house from Fredrik Eklund in NYC and Josh Flagg in LA.
Naturally we'd have our gorgeous pads decorated by Jeff Lewis, with Feng Shui consultation by Shannon Beador, and housewarming parties thrown by David Tutera!
[Photo Credit: Instagram]
An Ultimate Reality TV Viewing Theater
Since we're buying real estate we'd splash out on a reality star's foreclosed home, then we'd transform it into the ultimate destination to view our favorite reality shows past and present!
We'd have a BLK Water fountain, a spray tan booth, Ramona Pinot on tap, and Skinnygirl Snacks! Oh, and when you're stressed you could visit the Julie Montagu Yoga Studio, or the Kim Kardashian Wardrobe Room, or the Cynthia Bailey modeling school, or even have your teeth cleaned by Dr. Heavenly herself!. Ahhh... think of the luxury!
Reality Tea's Annual Gala
As part of Reality Tea's campaign to make snark pay, we'd take our cues from former Real Housewives Of Miami star Lea Black by hosting an annual gala to raise money for those in need.
We'd definitely be putting aside a copious fund to provide future therapy for children of reality TV. Something tells me they may need it...
A Reality Tea Cocktail Line
What goes better with Reality Television than cocktails? And by that I mean, what gives you the urge to binge drink more than reality television?
Reality Tea would absolutely be creating their own cocktail and wine collection. Reality Teetotalers we are not!
Hell - if we were that rich we'd even start our own Reality TV home shopping network!
Reality Tea Editorial Control
Sometimes we wanna grab the reigns from reality TV editors and take over the storyline fabrication factory ourselves! Janky editing, haphazardly constructed storylines, and producer-driven nonsense that isn't real has frustrated us about some of our favorite shows - what if we could just pay Bravo to let us take over the Real Housewives franchise for a while? We'd be taking it way back to the golden days of Housewives - and it would be glorious!
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
If we had zillions, we'd start our own line of Reality Tea Tours. Hop on a party bus, start drinking your favorite reality star's cocktail, wine, or other bottled beverage, and tour all the great sites of reality TV from Poshe Boutique, to The Jersey Shore. How fun to see where some of the most infamous moments in reality television history have occurred!
Mo' Money, Mo' Snark!
With hundreds-of-millions in our hands we literally could tell all the haters to f-off. BLOOP!
No millionairess is complete without $25,000 sunglasses.
TELL US – WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A $1.5 BILLION DOLLAR JACKPOT?
[Photo Credit: Instagram]