Nicole-Crying-2-90-Day-Fiance

Last night’s 90 Day Fiance took us across the globe to Morocco, where Nicole and Azan are finding out the unexpected places internet “dating” can lead – like deserts, no hand holding, and jail. Also, Anfisa laid down the law for Jorge, who has to decide if there can be romance without finance. (Psssst, Jorge: The short answer with this chick is NO, or rather, NYET!) 

In Morocco, Nicole is trying her best to pretend that Azan is in love with her. This is the first time the couple has met in person, so sh*t just got real! Nicole is staying at a local hotel for 5 weeks, but she’ll have to play by the rules. According to the Muslim tradition in Azan’s culture, there can be no public displays of affection, but Nicole tries her best to maul Azan in the privacy the hotel courtyard. She even sneaks in a smooch, which makes Azan look like he is going to faint. Not in the good way. 

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE! 

Despite this, Azan claims “I want to make sex with Nicole because…I love her, ya.” They close the door to Nicole’s private room to get down to business… allegedly. 

Jorge-Anfisa-Beach-Selfie-Rocks-90-Day-Fiance

Back in LA, Jorge is driving Anfisa home. Jorge tells her he wants to grow old with her, which makes Anfisa roll her eyes with the vengeance of a tween who just got her phone taken away. She doesn’t care about meeting Jorge’s family, nor does she care if they think she’s using him for money. She’s got a master plan here and ain’t nobody gonna blow up her game!

Anfisa also wants to live in a real house, not the hotel Jorge is temporarily residing in. (And exactly why IS he living in a hotel?) Jorge intimates that there are things Anfisa doesn’t know about him yet, and they’ll be hard to tell her. “You’re the boss,” he coos after they get home. #StatingTheObvious

Allas-Son-Matt-Smiling-90-Day-Fiance

In Kentucky, Matt, Alla, and her 6-year old son Max are settling in to Matt’s home. They need food, thus grocery shopping will be their first romantic bonding experience! Alla can’t believe the size of American grocery stores. Matt can’t believe how tough it is to place a 6-year old in a cart. Uh, maybe because 6-year olds don’t belong in carts? Alla seems bewildered by the huge selection of items. She just wants a simple onion! Where are the ONIONS!?!? Matt is not of much help, seemingly unable to soothe his bride to be over a measly produce hunt. 

Living a total lie in Atlanta is what Chantel has asked Pedro to do with her, so simple chores are the last thing on this couples’ mind. They’ve got to figure out how to keep their engagement a secret from Chantel’s family first. She introduces Pedro, who speaks very little English, to her brother and sister, who speak no Spanish. So, maybe this secret will be pretty easy to keep after all?

Chantel-Peach-Shirt-90-Day-Fiance

It’s Chantel’s mother’s birthday, so she and Pedro meet the entire family out for a celebratory meal. Pedro tries his best to communicate, but doesn’t understand most of what is said to him. “I am very nervous to meet you,” is about all he can muster. Chantel finally (mercifully!) translates for him so he can discuss his plans here in the U.S., which include studying English and marrying their daughter in 85 days.

Chantel’s dad seems confused. And he should be. Chantel wants her family to get to know Pedro before they spill the beans about their engagement, but based on this awkward first try, one has to wonder exactly how she plans to accomplish this?  

Uggggghhhhh! Back in Morocco, Nicole tells Azan “this is like a dream” as they lay in bed. “He’s like my soulmate,” she delusionally giggles. “I. Love. You.” Azan answers robotically. He’s sticking to his script (for now). Out shopping later, Nicole wants to link arms with Azan. She wants to hold his hand. She wants to all but devour him in public, essentially.

Azan wants different things, like a fiance who “eats healthy and goes to the gym.” Not one who complains there are no french fries in Morocco. So, soulmates! 

Meanwhile, Alla is learning all about what Matt wants, like his wish to eat dinner with his brothers every Sunday. She doesn’t like all of this forced family bonding, telling his family “I need some time to gather my thoughts” when they grill her about her feelings. She feels like this is not dinner; it’s an interrogation. Which, yeah, it might be. But then again, that kind of comes with the territory when you fly across the world with your child to marry someone you’ve only met a few times, doesn’t it?

Matt seems ignorant about Alla’s discomfort with the situation. Mr. Thrice Divorced may not be too quick on the uptake when it comes to his partner’s feelings, though. Just a guess!

There’s trouble in paradise when the police arrive at Nicole’s hotel in Morocco, which scares Azan into thinking they’ve come to arrest them for sharing a room together! Unmarried couples are not allowed to do this. Nicole freaks, then packs up her sh*t, only to find out later that the police were present at the hotel for an entirely unrelated issue. Azan feels like he’s about to be put in jail at any minute, all the same. (Raise your hand if you think Azan maybe called those police himself? Hmmm…) 

Back in Atlanta, Pedro meets Chantel’s brother River at the barbershop for a haircut. He hopes talking to River is easier than talking to Chantel’s dad. A good haircut speaks every language, so Pedro happily accepts River’s guidance in getting a new ‘do. River doesn’t understand how a guy who barely speaks English can get a damn visa to go to school in the U.S.? He confesses to Pedro that his entire family is nervous about this super shady situation, which only serves to heighten Pedro’s discomfort. Chantel’s family are not idiots. 

Speaking of idiots, Jorge and Anfisa hang out at their hotel pool. Jorge is in love with Anfisa. Anfisa is in love with being in America, all expense paid. But she doesn’t like not getting her way, and she let’s Jorge know this in no uncertain terms. “I can go back to Russia if I don’t like something,” she warns.

Shutting his phone and email down after Jorge refused to buy her a $10K Chanel purse was only the beginning of what Anfisa of the enormously enhanced lips is capable of doing. Jorge lamely argues that they need to work things out more maturely in the future. She scoffs at his feeble begging. She is NOT trifling with this fool if he doesn’t pay up!

Azan-Nicole-Morroco-Bazar-90-Day-Fiance

Now that the police have scattered, Azan and Nicole can emerge from the hotel again. Weary of not being able to grope him in public, Nicole tries her best to test Azan as they shop at a local market. Azan looks ready to bolt in 3…2…1… Instead, he sternly reminds her over and over (and over) that this is not okay! Azan wonders how he’ll manage a relationship with Nicole in the long term if she isn’t capable of grasping even the simplest of directives right now. Nicole is just wondering where she can get some processed food. 

Nicole couldn’t care less about Azan’s customs, his religious traditions, nor the country that dictates these rules. She’s a moronic child who want what she wants when she wants it, even if she gets hauled off to a foreign jail while doing it.

As they head off to separate rooms that night, Nicole cries herself to sleep. She doesn’t get any more sexy times with Azan! She whines, “my heart knows that he loves me,” but his culture just won’t let him show it. Ah, Danielle 2.0, we see you. Keep telling yourself this is all about “love” and maybe it’ll stick, right? Sadly, we all know where that got Danielle 1.0! 

*Sigh*

It’s a toss up whether this couple or Jorge and Anfisa are more brutally dysfunctional. So much stupid, so little time. (90 days, to be exact!)

TELL US: IS NICOLE INCAPABLE OF RESPECTING AZAN’S CULTURE? WILL CHANTEL AND PEDRO BE FORCED TO TELL THE TRUTH SOON? WHAT IS JORGE’S BIG SECRET? 

Photo Credit: TLC

Click here to read our Comment Policy