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90 Day Fiance might not promise true love to all of its terribly dysfunctional couples, but it sure does promise to make the rest of us feel pretty good about our lives! On last night’s episode, Anfisa tells Jorge straight up (again) that she’s here for his money, not him. Somehow, this news is shocking to Jorge. Yet not shocking to every other earthling who’s seen even ONE episode of this season.

Chantel begs forgiveness after lying to her family about Pedro for two and half months, and Nicole starts to question Azan’s “love” for her after they have yet another argument. Also, Azan needs to up his meds if he’s gonna last another week with Nicole. Especially when she tries to explain feminism to him. Yes, friends: Nicole is abroad trying to explain women’s rights to the general populace! Meanwhile, Azan is still trying to explain how being healthy and fit is a good thing, not an infringement on Nicole’s right to bare arms.

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Jorge takes Anfisa ring shopping, which should go well since wedding dress shopping was such a blast! Remember that $45k gown Anfisa wanted? Well, that’s nothing compared to the ring she’s got in mind. After trying on some measly 3-karat rings – which cost in the neighborhood of $45-75k – the salesperson encourages Anfisa to up her game, slipping a $300k 5-karat ring on her claw. Anfisa is thrilled with this prospect! The salesperson tells Jorge he can have the ring for the low, low price of $150k, but Jorge is just trying not to puke or faint or run for the door. He discussed a ring budget of $35-45k with Anfisa (which also seems far out of Jorge’s ballpark), so he’s not quite sure how they got to this price already?

After the salesperson chirps “Happy wife, happy life!” to the doomed couple, Anfisa cheers that she likes this lady! #TeamGrifter Anfisa doesn’t like Jorge’s reaction, though, which contrasts all of the promises he made her back in the day. Anfisa claims Jorge promised her “lots of things” to get her over here, but now isn’t willing to follow through on any of them. More to come on this mess later.

In Morocco, Nicole and Azan are sitting down in a cafe, being miserable. Azan doesn’t like how Nicole is always on her phone. Nicole snarks, “Well, there’s not a lot to do when you have no one to talk to!” Barely engaged a day or two, this couple is already falling apart. They’ve spent four weeks in Morocco “getting to know one another” (read: Nicole attacking Azan in bed), but Nicole doesn’t know if they’ll make it another week. She also misses her young daughter, May. It’s interesting that we’ve seen zero communication between mother and daughter on camera though, no? And interesting that this is the first time Nicole has mentioned her – ever. Showing her true colors – i.e. that a man trumps her child – Nicole whines about missing May, “I just hope Azan is worth it.”

Speaking of May, she’s back in Florida with Nicole’s sister, Ashley, who seems much more mature and sane than her sibling. She admits she’s been upset with Nicole in the past “for leaving her daughter here” and thinks it’s time for Nicole to come home. Nicole’s mom is over at Ashley’s house discussing Nicole’s situation. She doesn’t know what to make of it – is it going well with Azan? Is it a hot mess? Is Nicole in a Moroccan prison?!?! Mom doesn’t know how the mixing of religious faiths will work out, let alone a long term marriage. She thinks it’s time for Nicole to get a reality check. (I wonder if mom is questioning this more or less now that she’s seen the hideously embarrassing TLC footage? Things that make you go hmm.)

It’s time for another mom to weigh in on matters of marriage in KY! Matt’s mother, Mery Ann, comes over to visit Alla and him, at Alla’s request. Missing her sister and nephew, Alla wants a woman’s perspective on her upcoming marriage. She tells Matt’s mom that they’re doing great and that Matt is a wonderful person. Mery Ann thinks Alla is wonderful too, and wishes her mother could be here to share their joy. (Sadly, Alla lost her mom a few years ago.)

In the spirit of joy, Alla tries on her wedding dress to show Mery Ann, which she loves. Alla does look beautiful, but when she mentions “walking on the sand” for her wedding, the moment of joy deflates. Mery Ann says Matt’s third wedding was on a beach, so they “try not to talk about that too much.” She also doesn’t like the expense of a destination wedding. All of this is not said directly to Alla, but Mery Ann seems ready to run back to her “baby” to discuss her wishes. This may be the mother in law scenario from hell – you know, the kind of MIL who is all hugs and kisses to your face, then runs to her son to talk sh*t about you immediately afterward! Alla may be in over her head, if so.

In Atlanta, Chantel and Pedro are living in the aftermath of their confession. Chantel wants her family to accept the news that she plans to marry Pedro, even though she waited until 8 damn days before the wedding to tell them. Because our girl Chantel is a thinker, y’all! Mom and Dad are resigned to the situation, but Chantel’s brother, River, is deeply hurt about the lie. He thinks Chantel is making a huge mistake. And he tells her so when they sit down to chat the next day. Chantel whines that she just wants her family to be happy for her. “You didn’t give us a chance to be happy for you!” he snaps.

River never thought Chantel was a this much of a liar. He also doesn’t like Pedro now, because he went along with the lie. River doesn’t ever want to see Pedro again, which will be tough if he’s expected to be at the wedding. “Do you forgive me?” asks Chantel. “It’s just too much,” he says. “You hurt me.” He also confesses that their mother and father agree. They just aren’t expressing their concerns directly to Chantel. River tells her to ask their parents for forgiveness, because if she doesn’t at least try to make amends for this, no one will come to their wedding. An immature, selfish Chantel just whines that she and Pedro feel so alone now! No one supports them! The are alooooooone! “I don’t know how I can fix this,” sighs Chantel. Well, you broke it, girl.

Matt and Alla are playing paintball for Max’s birthday. Alla takes a moment to sit down with Mery Ann to discuss wedding details. Is a beach wedding super important to Alla? Mery Ann says the family wants Alla to have what she wants, but a destination wedding is just too expensive for the entire family to attend. She proposes having the wedding at Mark’s house (who the crap is Mark?! Matt’s brother?). Alla reluctantly agrees to the proposal, but isn’t thrilled. She notes that having a big family definitely has its pros and cons. A wedding at fine venue of “Mark’s House” is decidedly a con.

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Back in Morocco, Azan hauls Nicole through another tour of the city, this time stopping to explain the call to prayer from the mosques, which rings out five times a day. Nicole wonders why Azan doesn’t stop to pray five times a day? Azan says he prays when he can. Nicole wants to go into the mosque, but Azan says no, she is not permitted – nor is any woman. The women pray at home, where they also cook, clean, take care of babies, and wait for the calendar year 1845 to come.

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Azan takes umbrage at Nicole questioning this sexist setup. She thinks the men should stay home while the women chill at the mosque! Azan knows Nicole still doesn’t respect his culture. It’s not a matter of understanding it; it’s a matter of respecting it. And in Nicole’s case, she can do neither. She just wants to get Azan back to the U.S., where she can show him how life works. As in: Over here, you ship your kid off to your sister while you fly across the world to marry a guy you met on the internet, Azan! See? It’s all very civilized! 

Nicole also flatly states that she would never convert to Islam. And Azan will never convert to Christianity. So, there’s that!

In a much more progressive (har!) relationship in LA, Jorge and Anfisa sit down to lunch after ring shopping. He needs her to compromise on the ring. Anfisa is like, What is this word you say – compromise? No understand you! But Jorge wants Anfisa to appreciate the sentimental value of the ring, not just its price tag.

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Anfisa doesn’t see it that way. Jorge promised her many material things before she came to the States. So, why is he reneging on the deal now? Jorge tells Anfisa she has to get realistic about their situation. “So you’re basically saying that you’re just dating me because I can buy you things?” challenges Jorge. “Yes,” deadpans Anfisa. “What?” she asks. That was their deal.

Head in hands, Jorge seems to be getting a bit of a reality check himself at the moment. Does Anfisa just want him for his money?!?! SAY IT AIN’T SO!! (Wait, is Santa Claus a myth too? Nooooo!!) As if this dude hasn’t questioned Anfisa’s motives before. Yeah, okay. We’ll play along! He wonders, does Anfisa even love him? Answer: Outlook Not Likely.

Jorge drones on at the table about true love. He wonders why Anfisa wants him just for his money? But she doesn’t see anything wrong with that. This is a business transaction, period. “If I was ugly and fat, would you be dating me?” counters Anfisa. Touche! This woman may be cold and calculating, but she is not a liar. She has played her cards openly since day one with Jorge, but he chose self delusion over the crushing truth that you get what you pay for. And if he thinks he hasn’t been paying for a bride all along, he’s on a whole ‘nother level of stupid.

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Jorge asks if Anfisa will leave him if he can’t provide what she wants, financially? She says yes. There will be no end to her monetary needs, which she also admits. Jorge says he can make some sacrifices for love, but if he’s not getting love in return, what are these sacrifices worth? Anfisa doesn’t know, and she simply doesn’t care.

“I think I’m going to go back home,” says Anfisa, shoving a forkful of food in her mouth. She’s not sure about this arrangement anymore. Jorge says he won’t stop her, and now that he knows how little Anfisa cares about him, what does it matter? Still under her spell though, Jorge admits, “I still don’t know what to do.” Um, Jorge. Here’s 5 bucks: BUY A CLUE.

Meanwhile, Matt and Alla are obeying mommy’s orders: No destination wedding for them! Instead, they’re looking at a local venue that mommy, of course, has already vetted. It is at least not the illustrious venue of Mark’s House. Mery Ann loves the small venue, which fits in the price range and dreamscape of her choosing. Not Alla’s. In fact, when the venue rep asks Alla what type of wedding she’s dreaming of, Alla just laughs and says, “You should ask Mery Ann.” She knows which teat Matt is suckling at, and it ain’t hers.

Mery Ann protests, but seems glad Alla is falling in line with her wishes. Matt also raves about the space. (Um, can we bring back the three ex-wives to weigh in on Mery Ann’s involvement in their marriage to mama’s boy Matt?) Despite Mery Ann’s meddling, Alla does agree that the space is nice, and she’s ultimately pleased with the choice. “I think the wedding will be great here,” she cheerfully concludes. Alla seems like a sweet person. Here’s hoping Matt – and Mery Ann – don’t run her off like they did the last three.

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One last stop in Morocco! Nicole is meeting her mother’s friend, who has a fiance in Algeria, and has agreed to help Nicole out on her mother’s behalf. They sit down to chat. Nicole, rocking her best tie-dye t-shirt, admits that it’s been rough understanding Azan’s culture. The friend (does she have a name?) says that Nicole needs to understand Azan will always be Moroccan, not American.

Nicole expects Azan to change, but he most likely will not. The friend encourages Nicole to meet Azan in the middle, and really think about whether this is the right choice for her, and her daughter. “You can’t hold on to a fairy tale just because you think you can change the end of the story,” she wisely advises. Marriage isn’t about a whirlwind romance. It’s a lifetime partnership. And Nicole has a daughter, whose best interests she also needs to keep in mind.

This advice seems to slightly seep its way into Nicole’s amazingly thick skull because she muses, “Maybe I would be happier without him – I don’t know” after they talk. Looks like previews next week show Nicole questioning Azan’s commitment to her too. Fingers crossed that these two FIX THEIR LIVES before it’s too late!

TELL US: WILL NICOLE AND AZAN GO THROUGH WITH THE K-1 VISA? IS MATT’S MOM OVERBEARING OR HELPFUL? CAN CHANTEL FIX THE FALLOUT FROM HER LIES? WILL JORGE STILL MARRY ANFISA NOW THAT HE KNOWS THE REAL DEAL?  

Photo Credit: TLC

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