Welcome back, Ladies Of London! Oh, how I’ve missed the Carolines – the castles – the sheer upper crustiness of it all!! I have been a massive fan of this sleeper hit since season one, so it’s like an early Christmas present knowing that season three is finally upon us. And if last night’s premiere episode is any indication of what’s to come, it seems we might be in for a delightfully dramatic ride! (But please, Bravo, can we maybe just stop now with those cheesy singing promos? What was THAT all about anyway?!)
Juliet Angus, Caroline Fleming, Marissa Hermer, Julie Montagu and Caroline Stanbury are back this season to vie for their spot as rightful Queen. Soon to be ex-sister in law of Caroline S, Sophie Stanbury, and new castmate Adela King (long time friend of Caroline S) have also joined the ladies for a frolic across the pond. So, let’s dive in!
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The most critical update since last season: Julie has a much improved hair color. Plus, she and hubby Luke have taken over his Mapperton Estate, which will be all consuming. Julie will be moving the family there full time in the next two years, but it seems Luke has taken up residence there already. Julie’s feeling the pressure of impending failure – especially as the “American wife.” She does her best to mask her nerves as she and Luke pose for press photos, though, pretending it’s all good. “Kate Middleton’s got nothing on me,” she jokes.
Marissa, pregnant with her third child (a baby girl!), is in bed discussing her knickers with hubby Matt. Last year she was launching hot dog joints; this year, she needs bigger underpants! In actual fact, Marissa is in a lot of real fear at the moment. After miscarrying in the past, Marissa now has a viable pregnancy, but it’s risky. She’ll need to have her baby two months early to save her life. Her placenta won’t come out naturally, so the doctors will have to remove it, potentially leading to major blood loss. “I could die,” says Marissa, who just wishes she could keep her baby inside longer.
As Matt and Marissa head to the hospital for the procedure, Marissa tears up a bit. She keeps wondering about the “what if’s” – but Matt encourages her to just move through it.
At Caroline S’s home, she and Sophie are recovering from Caroline’s 40th birthday party the night before – which now warrants IV drip vitamins, home delivered. Sophie and Caroline have been close for years, with Caroline even introducing Sophie to her brother (Sophie’s husband). But before we find out more on that marriage, Caroline reflects on her hellish year. The closing of her business, Gift Library, was a blow to her ego – and now she doesn’t know what to do with herself.
Sophie finally discusses her impending divorce. After seven years of marriage, they’re calling it quits. “We made each other so sad,” admits Sophie, who seems much more subdued from last season. Caroline assures Sophie that this divorce doesn’t change anything between them. She also admits privately that the divorce actually comes as a relief – Sophie and her brother’s bickering was constant.
Speaking of bickering, Caroline talks about her continued animosity toward Julie, “the town foghorn.” She doesn’t trust that future countess. Sophie likes Julie though, which is not good news for Caroline. So, who’s soldier is Sophie going to be? Looks like she’ll have to choose.
At Caroline F’s, we are treated to a quick shot of her TO DIE FOR closet, from which she is plucking perfect clothes for a trip. Aside from low-key stressing about her son spilling crumbs in her bed, Caroline is seriously worried about her father, who has cancer. Though her relationship with her father has been tenuous, Caroline loves him, and has been traveling back to Denmark weekly to check in on him. Just as a reminder, Caroline sadly lost her mother long ago as well.
At the hospital, Marissa is prepped for surgery. She’s nervous, but ready. Matt sweetly records his wife and tells their future little girl how excited they are for her arrival. Through tears, Marissa admits she can’t really believe they’re about to do this. She feels powerless, but knows that she and Matt just have to lean on each other and trust the doctors now. My god. My heart so goes out to both of them in this moment. 🙁
After waiting for an eternity, Matt (with his sister in tow) finally just bumrushes a nurse back by the OR and – it’s ALL GOOD! The baby is out, and both she and mommy are doing well! Happy dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The big news in Caroline S’s life is that hubby Cem has taken a job in Dubai, and the entire family are moving there. In the mean time, Caroline has set them up in a small London house while they rent our their Surrey home. The family will spend their time in London until the end of the summer, after which Caroline will decide if Dubai suits her. Hmm. Glitzy? Over the top? Filled with upscale shopping? Sounds like a perfect fit!
Adele, Caroline’s long time friend, comes over to check out the new place. Caroline says Adele has always been confidant and seducing – a perfect match for her. In another perfect
ly disastrous match across town, Sophie is chatting Julie up about Caroline S’s utter disdain for her. Oh no, Sophie. She’s stirring the poop right out of the gate, isn’t she? Although Sophie backtracks (sort of), Julie is now officially offended. Sensitive Person Disorder Alert!!!
In a hail mary move, Julie chalks Caroline’s comments up to jealousy: She has a title, but Caroline never will. Sophie, now seeing the error of her sh*t talking ways, suddenly claims she doesn’t “want to choose sides!” Yet she already has, without even knowing it. #Messy
At Sophie’s house later, she’s working out with her trainer. She’s now single again, so she’s got to get that body back in check! She reflects on her life before marriage, which included work with a hedge fund manager and a full social life. Then came Alex, and later, two sons. She was ready to go into mommy mode after she and Alex settled down, but he wasn’t ready to “hang up his hat yet,” as it were. This led to a crumbling marriage. Now, Sophie is left co-parenting with Alex, who she thinks is “a complete sh*t.”
Rather than wallow in her pain, Sophie decides to throw a party to celebrate her “rebirth.” Plus, Sophie might be ready to dance on tables again! All of the ladies will be attending – even Caroline S, about which Julie is not thrilled. But she claims to be “over it” (HA! Right), which shocks Sophie – who’s already told Caroline that Loose Lips is coming for her. Caroline is waiting to bite back. So, Julie better drum up the nerve to confront – or risk being confronted off guard. “What’s she going to do – downward dog me onto the floor?” muses Caroline.
Hey, lookie there! Juliet finally gets a snippet of camera time as she sits down with the rest of the ladies for drinks. But the camera is quickly whisked away from her to focus on Caroline S discussing her Julie issues with anyone who will listen. Caroline F doesn’t even know what’s going on. She just wants the warmth of the sun to infuse her limbs with magical rainbows and glitter and unicorns! But Sophie, who knows full well what’s going on (and that she started it), wanders over to delusionally deflect a bit.
Caroline S rightly calls Sophie out for needlessly starting drama, but Sophie claims she had no idea what she was doing. Since Sophie started it though, she’s ordered to bring Julie over to finish it. Caroline admits she thinks Julie is manipulative, and Juliet even piles on that Julie “plows through friendships!” Of course Juliet defends Caroline, thinks Julie. She’s Caroline’s “b*tch,” after all, she says.
Vowing not to cry
every single moment she’s on camera like last year, Julie manages to hold her unstable sh*t together as Caroline S full-frontal reams her, claiming she’s been “bulldozed by this b*tch!” Taking no prisoners, Caroline also lashes out at Sophie for flip-flopping. She wants her sister in law to grow a set of balls and, if she’s going to take sides, do it now. Even Caroline F, now revived from the sun, jumps in to advise Sophie to keep her trap shut in the future.
For her part, Sophie just bemoans the fate of her “rebirth” party – which has gone from festive to feral in less than one glass of wine. Taking her aside later, Julie confronts Sophie about the flip-flopping too. Why did she run back to Caroline S after spilling the tea to her in the first place? Sophie has no answers. Well. Girlfriend better read some manuals before attempting this level of play between Caroline S – and anyone – going forward. Her rebirth may look something more like a slow, painful frenemy feeding frenzy, if not.
TELL US: ARE CAROLINE S. AND SOPHIE HEADED FOR A FALLOUT? ARE YOU TEAM CAROLINE, OR TEAM JULIE?
Photo Credit: Bravo