NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 09: Television personality Ramona Singer visits Extra on August 9, 2017 in New York City. (Photo by J. Kempin/Getty Images for Extra)

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. For Ramona Singer, season nine of The Real Housewives Of New York was surely the most dramatic of times. Now that she’s had a chance to reflect on the season, the three-part reunion, and viewer feedback, Ramona says she sees it all in a new light. And she opens up about the personal turmoil her divorce from Mario Singer threw her into, which affected her in ways we might not have seen.

Ramona’s latest blog is about as introspective as I’ve ever seen her, which is interesting. Is she feeling humbled by watching herself on TV, or is she in damage control? Either way, she opens up about her feelings on the season and what contributed to her actions. “To say I had a difficult season on RHONY is an understatement,” she begins. “As I watched back over the past few months, seeing myself has given me the opportunity to reflect and face the truth. The bottom line is, I behaved poorly.”

Ramona admits, “I treated others in a way that was disrespectful, and there’s no excuse for that, so I have decided to share what I personally have been going through this past year as I have been avoiding dealing with my feelings like the plague.”

“What I must say is that when you are filming a reality show, it is real, it is raw. No matter what happens to you the night before or the call you get before you start to film,  it’s all there…no script and you can’t become another character. I thought I was OK, I thought I was happy and I thought I was dealing with my divorce well, but the reality is that wasn’t the case at all.”

Some of Ramona’s cast mates wondered if the 60-year old divorcee was hiding her true feelings about losing Mario. Ramona confesses that yes, she was.

She explains, “I never thought the man who loved me so deeply and became the love of my life  would cheat on me repeatedly! I never thought he would ask for my forgiveness and then do it all over again. Internally, I was broken and did not know how I could move forward. I never allowed myself to show anyone the deep pain of what happened with the downfall of my marriage. I thought I was putting on a good facade, but the truth came through in my actions and my behavior this season.”

Though Ramona knows many people pointed it out, she didn’t see how the pain of her failed marriage was affecting her behavior and relationships at the time. Now, she is trying to make sense of it all, including why she initially tried to forgive Mario and let him move back in.

She writes in her blog, “As women, we are known as fixers, and our job is to protect the people we love. I was married for 23 years, and when my marriage was falling apart, I did everything I could to fix it, even accepting abusive behavior from the man who was supposed to be my protector. I was so happy for so many years, and then it all just fell apart and at the end, I was so emotionally broken. My husband and my child meant everything to me. I never imagined that I would lose one of them, and I just didn’t know how to deal with all of it. When you are in pain and you’re hurting, it can manifest in many ways, so in my case it came out in my denial that I [was] OK and in my behavior. I understand that now, and I am trying to do better.”

RELATED: Ramona Singer Vacations In Aspen – Photos!

Even though Ramona felt financially stable and emotionally secure in her marriage for a long time, she attributes much of her insecurity – and her later success – to her family of origin.

She describes, “My mother was physically and emotionally abused by my father on a daily basis, and she drummed into my head to be financially independent because of her situation. My mother could not leave her husband as she had nothing. I came from nothing. I put myself through college. I had no connections, no mentors, no TV show to give me organic advertising to promote a business or product, yet I, against all odds and through determination, had my own multi-million dollar business at 30 years old. I give all the credit to my mother for my financial success.”

Ramona also tips her hat to Bravo for the exposure it’s given her as a business woman. “I also credit Bravo for my exposure of being on RHONY and being the first Real Housewife to be on HSN. I credit Bravo for giving me the platform that helped me develop my own wine, as my fans would always ask what my favorite Pinot Grigio was. Ramona Pinot Grigio was a great success. I appeared twice at The Flower Show in Philadelphia, where only the top performing brands are invited. I was proud to be able to accomplish all these things on my own.” Hmm. Sounds a little bit like a clap back at Bethenny Frankel for shading Ramona’s business success on the reunion too!

Much like every other woman on RHONY, Ramona finds herself at a crossroads this year. She shares, “For the first time in my life, I have no plans, no set path, where before I always have. It’s scary but liberating. I am enjoying and embracing life every day, and my daughter Avery is the biggest joy.  She is my best accomplishment, and I know from deep down that I parented her in the right way to make her into the wonderful young women she is today.”

In homage to her tagline, Ramona ends with a newer version of her being an “acquired taste.” She jokes, “I’m not perfect, but I like to say perfect is boring. And boring I will never be!”

Amen.

TELL US: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT RAMONA’S SELF ASSESSMENT? 

Photo Credit: Getty Images for Extra

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