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Bachelor Pad

Rachel Trueheart is devastated by Michael Stagliano‘s shocking exit on Bachelor Pad. She’s sobbing… she was falling in love with Michael… her life is ruined… blah, blah, blah. Like all other break ups between reality TV stars who have known each other for approximately 18 days, it’s nauseating.

Jaclyn Swartz is busy consoling Rachel when Chris Harrison returns to the mansion with news about the rest of the game. First, though, he reminds the remaining fame whores love seekers people that Bachelor Pad is a game. Chris explains: They will play the rest of the game as couples. Nick Peterson and Rachel are the only two contestants without partners, so they are forced to pair up.

Blakeley Jones, Jaclyn, and Ed Swiderski are upset that Chris Bukowski survived elimination last week, thanks to a bogus twist. Of course, on the other side of Bachelor Pad, Chris and Sarah Newlon are celebrating their good fortune. Game on!

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So wait…you’re telling me that finding a spouse on a reality show doesn’t always work?  Color me shocked!  I do have to admit I had high hopes for the Bachelorette’s Emily Maynard and Jef Holm.  Even though getting engaged after living in a jet-setting fantasy world for six weeks may not form the strongest relationship, I feel that One F has such a good head on his broad shoulders that perhaps these two crazy kids could work.

In spite of cheating rumors that were confirmed by Jef’s brother, the pair still claims to be going strong.  The couple has been out and about in Charlotte kissing and holding hands for every photog in town.  However, could it be a case of protesting too much?

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Michael Stagliano has been a Bachelor Pad mainstay for two seasons now, winning last year’s with ex-fiance Holly Durst and starting out strong in Bachelor Pad 3. Well, all that changed Monday night when his plotting, scheming, and manipulating encountered a vindictive Chris Bukowski (who are the people that find him attractive again?) and a crazy Erica Rose!

In a new blog for Parade, Michael discusses his elimination and shockingly takes accountability for his actions. He also discusses Chris‘ potentially game damaging actions of taking Erica into the voting room with him!

Michael co-signs that everyone was on board with Chris and by default Sarah Newlon being eliminated at the start of the episode following his ploy the week before to get Blakely Jones voted out.

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Oh the twists and turns of last night’s Bachelor Pad.  I have to admit, with the exception of predicting a camping date, I had it all wrong…

Blakely Jones is so thrilled that her alliance had her back.  I wonder if she’ll ever realize they weren’t keeping her around because they like her, it’s because five-star crazy is fun to watch, and they know she’ll never win.  Chris Bukowski crawls into his top bunk and burrows under his covers.  Jamie Sarah Newlon comes to his bed and starts baby-talking to him.  He’s pouting sleeping.  Chris reluctantly lets girl number three crawl into his bunk.

Kalon McMahon walks into the bedroom, and Chris wants to know why his buddy lied to his face.  Chris demolishes a rose and throws the petals at Kalon.  “How romantic,” coos Kalon, “Must be how you won Emily.”  Ouch.  With that Chris hops out of bed to go confront Ed Swiderski, leaving Sarah looking a lot like Jamie last week.  Ed says he’s more loyal to Jaclyn Swartz than he is to Chris.  When Ed raises his voice to be heard over Chris, Chris starts screaming to talk like an adult.  He’s something else, isn’t he?  I hope Sarah is picking up these red flags.  Ed can’t apologize anymore, so he’s out…and a wine glass gets smashed in the process.  Mazel Tov!

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Ed Swiderski and Jaclyn Swartz celebrate Reid Rosenthal‘s Bachelor Pad boot. “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m on cloud nine,” says Jaclyn. What does that even mean? It’s a good thing she’s so pretty.

Chris Harrison crashes the after party, bringing surveys for the exhausted and drunk Bachelor Pad players to fill out. Jaclyn thinks these surveys might have something to do with the next day’s challenge. Michael Stagliano is like, “Oh, man, I’ve seen this train wreck before.” My thoughts exactly! Where’s the popcorn?!

Kalon McMahon reads some of the questions – Who’s the ugliest? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the fattest? He says, “So, pretty much, every answer is either me or Erica Rose.”

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Last week on Bachelor Pad, Reid Rosenthal tried to convince the ladies to eliminate Ed Swiderski. Even though Sarah Newlon just hooked up with Ed, she went with the plan. Then she immediately went to Ed to apologize for voting against him. Unfortunate for Reid, Jamie Otis chose to keep a drunken Ed around Bachelor Pad, probably for the entertainment value, so Reid’s plan failed.

Ed, possibly the most unscrupulous member of the cast, questions why he’s on Bachelor Pad. “The game is all about influence, perception, and flat out lying,” Ed says. “I don’t like lying.” I’ll give you a second to digest that statement and meet you after the jump.

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Kasey “Guard & Protect” Kahl, former beau of ultimate famewhore Vienna Girardi has been arrested. Officially. In January Kasey was arrested but not charged after beating up a man and a woman outside of a California club. At the time police didn’t believe there was enough evidence to charge Kasey with the crimes and released him.

Well, now the Bachelor Pad alum has been officially charged with multiple felonies related to the attacks – and police believe he was under the influence of paint thinner at the time of the incident! Seriously?

Last week a judge issued a warrant for Kasey’s arrest for four felony charges –  two counts of felony assault, one count of battery with serious bodily injury and one count of public intoxication. Kasey, aged 29, (who also appeared on The Bachelorette) was booked in an Orange County jail.

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Who knew?  Seriously, who knew?  It’s a Bachelor franchise couple made in heaven…or hell, but regardless, it’s amazing. Bachelorette Emily Maynard’s season’s villain Kalon McMahon has been getting uber close with boring Ben Flajnik’s sloppy seconds from the most recent Bachelor!

Kalon paired up with the all American equestrian (and super tan) Lindzi Cox on the Bachelor Pad.  It seems that everyone’s favorite d-bag and the doe-eyed, innocent girl-next-door have more than a working relationship to win the ABC’s cash prize.  Could lurve be in the works for this mismatched pair?  Perhaps they are better suited than I think…after all, Lindzi entered Ben’s season on a horse, while Kalon swooped in on Emily in a helicopter…

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