Kendra Wilkinson, author of the new memoir Being Kendra: Cribs, Cocktails, & Getting My Sexy Back and star of Kendra is speaking out about her devastating struggle with postpartum depression so severe it took over her life, nearly destroying her marriage.

In a new exclusive interview with In Touch Weekly, Kendra reveals her harrowing two-year secret breakdown. “I felt devastated, helpless – like I was in a black hole,” Kendra explains of her violent moodswings and a depression so intense it led her to lock herself in the closet to “scream and cry.” Her feelings of isolation and hopelessness reached such dark levels “I even thought of harming myself. I just threatened [suicide] a lot.”.

She admits that during her darkest days she had deep doubts about her marriage, believing: “Hank deserved better than me,” and disclosing, “Hank and I slept in separate bedrooms.”

Kendra believes her depression, which she has battled off and on since adolescence, was triggered following a move to Indiana for husband, Hank Baskett’s NFL career, while subsequently adjusting to a new baby and the filming of her reality show. Feeling compelled to act normal, she “put on a brave face for the cameras,” but was breaking inside behind closed doors, causing her to take things out on Hank, her extended family, and even crew members.

“There were times when I knew I was about to snap. I’d be like, ‘Hank, go! Go away!’ I didn’t feel right. Hank would take the baby, and leave the room,” Kendra recounts. Though she started most of their fights, causing them to argue so much “she feared their marriage was over,” Kendra couldn’t control her anger “at both Hank and herself.”

“I was just mean,” Kendra states, depicting the rages she would fly into; blaming her husband for “their unstable home life” and threatening to leave him, taking Baby Hank, if he didn’t find a steady job. Kendra remembers that her “nagging got so bad” Hank experienced a panic attack and blacked out!

At the root of her fury, was a deep emotional anguish causing her to isolate herself from her husband: “There was no way I could talk about what I was feeling because I didn’t know what it was. So we just had to stay apart.” Despite the turmoil in her relationship, it was her self-loathing that was the most troubling. “I was crying and screaming all night,” she recounts. “I wanted to hide from everyone. I felt like no one understood.” Regardless of her attempts to convey her “self-destructive thoughts”, Hank wasn’t getting it: “He’s not a therapist.”

Contributing to her negative self-thoughts, was the celeb culture where famous mommies brag about losing the baby weight mere weeks after giving birth. Kendra felt hopeless about the clinging pounds nine-months following the birth of her son, despite her attempts to diet and exercise, and she developed poor body image. Her lack of confidence led to further isolation and depression as she avoided her “hotter” friends.  Kendra confides that she felt so ugly “she would brush her teeth in pitch-dark, ‘so I wouldn’t have to look at myself in the mirror.’”

Realizing she needed help, Kendra ultimately sought therapy; not wanting to repeat the damaging behavior of her teenage years, which included cutting, hospitalization for depression, and two self-harming attempts. She credits her two-year-old son as her reason to enter therapy, “Baby Hank really made me stop, step back and realize, ‘If I don’t stop acting like this, he’s going to pick up on it.’ “

Now months following those dark days, she looks back on those times, describing: “I can say that it was a real breakdown that I had.”  She is thankful she chose a healthy solution to her depression, revealing: “I can’t be selfish anymore,” for the sake of her son and her husband, who she recognizes need her in their lives.

Today, Kendra happily acknowledges she is still working on her recovery “I’ve learned that I need therapy because I’m not 100 percent better,” but she insists: “I’m going to live my life happy.”

Being Kendra hits stores on September 20^th.  The fourth season of Kendra premiers September 25^th on E! at 11/10c.

Thoughts on Kendra’s story and her battle with postpartum depression? Are you impressed that she is open with fans about this harrowing time in her life? Will you be reading her book?

Almost two years after having her baby, E! reality star Kendra Wilkinson is now opening up about her battle with Postpartum Depression and just how bad things got.

According to the Playboy Playmate, she actually contemplated suicide at some points and also considered leaving her husband Hank Baskett.

Kendra, 26, makes the shocking revelations in her new book Being Kendra: Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back, which is slated to be released on Sept. 20, 2011.

According to the Hollywood Life blog, Kendra went through screaming matches with Hank to self-confidence issues to mood swings. In fact, she even got so jealous of her nanny at one point that she fired her, wanting to take on all of her mommy duties herself.

But Kendra didn’t hit rock bottom until she became so emotionally detached from her husband and their son Hank Jr. that she actually started to contemplate suicide. Kendra however reveals she was able to fight through those thoughts, adding that she would never actually do something to hurt herself or her family.

In addition to her new book, the fourth season of her E! show Kendra is also slated to premiere Sep. 25.

TELL US – THOUGHTS ON KENDRA’S CONFESSIONS? WILL YOU BE BUYING HER BOOK?

While she failed to win the mirror ball trophy this season on Dancing With The Stars, do not feel sorry for Kendra Wilkinson as she still greatly benefited from being on the show!

In an interview with UsWeekly this week, Kendra, 25, shares some TMI details with us when she admits her sultry moves on the dance floor have left a lasting impression on her hubby Hank Baskett.

“Right after the [team] dance tonight we walked over to Hank and he said, ‘Honey! I didn’t know you could do the splits!’” Kendra’s pro partner, Louis van Amstel told UsWeekly.

Kendra adds that her new flexibility has come in handy in the bedroom. “It’s definitely great,” said Kendra of the impact DWTS has had on her and Hank’s sex life. “If you come to my trailer after this you may see it moving back and forth. I’m definitely bringing the splits into the bedroom!”

Allrighty. And following her elimination on Tuesday, Kendra revealed that her future plans are to try and have another baby. “We have so much love to give,” said Kendra, mother of 1-year-old son Hank Jr. “We’re just loving baby Hank so much. We’re raising him well, teaching him everything he needs to be taught. But yeah, I really feel like it’s naturally time for another one soon. I really do.”

The Playboy alum added, “We’re practicing for No. 2. Why not? Just one more would be great. And I wouldn’t mind having No. 2…soon!”

As for being voted off DWTS, Kendra admits she’s glad she doesn’t have to worry about the grueling dance rehearsals or watching her diet anymore. Kendra reveals her mother’s day plan is to have an elegant “barbecue” and “relax a little bit.”

Those pesky rumors of trouble in Kendra Wilkinson’s marital paradise simply refuse to go away.

The Dancing With The Stars contestant and Playboy Playmate graces the latest cover of In Touch magazine with hubby Hank Baskett under the heading “Torn Apart By Another Woman.”

Except when you read the article, it is actually Kendra who is reported to be cheating on her husband with another woman.  That woman is Jessica Hall, also a Playboy Playmate.

In Touch reports Kendra is very unhappy in her marriage and on March 26, she flew off to Las Vegas with her girlfriend Jessica.  The two were then spotted making out at the MGM Grand’s Wet Republic.

In between the girl on girl make-out sessions and endless shots, onlookers reveal the girls really seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. “After a bunch of drinks, Kendra and Jessica really started getting crazy,” a source tells In Touch. She “looked thrilled to be letting loose without her man in town.”

As for Hank, he is said to be unhappy about Kendra’s Vegas trip. “He hadn’t wanted it to be a girls’ trip,” a source explains adding that Hank and Kendra have been fighting non stop lately.

“They were arguing a lot right before DWTS started,” reveals another source. “Kendra wanted to spend more time with friends. But Hank thought she should be with him and Hank Jr.”

“They just keep dragging on the misery,” adds the insider. “Sometimes, it seems like it would be best to end it.” Yikes.

It seems Kendra Wilkinson, star of the E! network’s Kendra, is about to become a sex tape pioneer, as a new report reveals she will be the first “celebrity” to release a lesbian sex tape.

Yes, less than a year after her first hetero sex tape was released, which was an instant success by the way, RadarOnline is reporting a girl-on-girl sequel is on its way to being sold publicly.

According to Radar, the lesbian sex tape was shot around the same time as her first sex tape with an ex-boyfriend. “Kendra has sex in the video with Taryn Ryan,” a source close to the situation tells Radar. “They were friends and were hanging out together, with their boyfriends.”

And what can we expect from the tape? “It’s a long tape, about 45 minutes. And there is nothing left to the imagination,” states the source, adding that the tape was shot by Justin Frye, Kendra’s ex boyfriend and partner in the first sex tape.

Vivid, which released the first tape, is now working out the details for the release of the new tape. As for more details of the newer sex tape, “Kendra and Taryn started fooling around and then Kendra wanted the light turned off,” the source revealed. “But the camera that was recording them had night vision, so it looks like the Paris Hilton porn tape. Everything is completely clear.”

The “explicit” tape will show Kendra and Taryn “laughing at first, and the guys are encouraging them to kiss each other. They started kissing while giggling and then things got hotter.”

And while Kendra has publicly assailed the release of the first sex tape, RadarOnline adds that she secretly signed off on the deal and received a hefty payday. Plus Radar also broke the story last year that Kendra had secretly planned to sell the sex tapes while she was living in the Playboy mansion. In fact, she even formed a company to sell the sex tapes though the deal never went through.

As for the first sex tape, Kendra got a large up-front fee and a percentage of sales from Vivid. The same deal is expected on the newest sex tape.

TELL US – WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH THE LATEST WITH KENDRA?

Click The Continue Reading Button To See a photo of Taryn plus some slightly NSFW images from the sex tape!

Kendra Wilkinson’s sex tape partner Taryn Ryan

Kendra Wilkinson’s Lesbian Sex Tape

According to the latest cover of In Touch Weekly, Kendra Wilkinson and hubby Hank Baskett are headed for a divorce.

The magazine cover, which came out today, headlines ‘Divorce Drama!’ Adding that the 25-year-old Playmate and star of E! reality show Kendra has met up with divorce lawyers behind Hank’s back.

According to In Touch, Kendra and Hank have been fighting over everything, and are not looking forward to spending time together once football season is over. “One night she actually told him, ‘I’m done,” reveals a source close to the couple adding that “the meeting [with a divorce lawyer] took place in December.”

The mag adds that Kendra now wants to protect her assets and has began preparing a post-nuptial agreement with her attorney. Meaning Hank won’t see a dime from the reported millions of dollars she made from her sex tape in addition to an estimated 2010 earning of $2 million. “Kendra is making a lot of money these days, but Hank’s not earning as much as he did when they got married. She’s just looking out for her own interests,” a friend of Kendra’s explains.

Kendra reportedly sees herself as the breadwinner in her marriage as Hank’s one year contract with the Vikings only netted him $800,000.

“Kendra misses being single,” adds the source. “When they got married, Hank made far more money than Kendra … now he makes a lot less than Kendra.”

Kendra and Hank’s marriage has been plagued with rumors of marital problems for the past few months now. There seems to be some smoke though the verdict is still out on an actual fire.

TELL US – DO YOU BELIEVE THIS STORY? DO YOU THINK HANK & KENDRA ARE HEADED FOR A DIVORCE?

The world watched reality star Kendra Wilkinson turn down an offer to pose for Playboy again on Sunday’s season premiere of her E! show Kendra, hence the reason Kendra’s appearance on the new Playboy cover (the December issue) has a lot of people wondering what changed.

But it seems Kendra, 25, has a good explanation for why she is covering Playboy magazine once again. Kendra took to her blog to explain the new cover:

“Hey guys! So I wanted to clear something up really quick! A lot of you saw on my show that I was struggling to decide whether to pose for Playboy again or not. I AM on the December cover of Playboy but it wasn’t from a recent shoot. The photos are from a shoot I did 2 years ago when I was still living in the mansion. I’m flattered to be on the cover again and as you all know Playboy has a very special place in my heart! I just wanted you guys to know I didn’t recently pose.”

Kendra, mother of 11 month old baby Hank, could be seen on her show premiere contemplating posing for Playboy, that is until hubby Hank Baskett was able to talk her out of it. More photos of Kendra from the Playboy shoot below.

In other Kendra news, her mom Patti Wilkinson is now speaking out on her behalf, and defending her marriage to Hank. In a new interview with RadarOnline, Patti reveals Hank and Kendra are just fine following her move to LA without Hank. “They will have more kids,” Patti added. “I just don’t know when.”

TELL US – DID KENDRA MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE IN NOT POSING FOR PLAYBOY AGAIN?

The latest issue of Life & Style magazine headlines ‘Kendra – Why I Left Hank,’ but fret not, it’s not what you think.

Kendra Wilkinson, star of E! network’s Kendra, opens up to the magazine about the hardship of being away from her NFL husband Hank Baskett as she decided to move to LA with their 11-month-old son while he remains in Minnesota playing football.

“Hank’s not going to be there forever, but with him not physically here, I’m a single parent now,” Kendra tells Life & Style. Surely Hank would be happy to hear his wife refer to herself as a “single parent.”

Kendra adds that the hardest part of being away from Hank, 28, is knowing that he will be missing out on some quality time with their son. “The hardest part for sure, though, is Hank missing the baby’s milestones,” she says though adding that Hank has yet to miss out on any important milestones as baby Hank hasn’t started walking.

Kendra, 25, makes it clear that she is having trouble adjusting to being without Hank. “I miss little things like waking up next to him every morning. He sings to me every morning — what guy does that? Hank is just an all-around man,” Kendra gushes. “He knows how to cook a good steak, so I’ll miss his steaks for the next couple of months. I’m going to miss crying to him, taking showers together and getting deep-tissue massages. Just everything.”

Allrighty, the new season of Kendra premieres Sunday, November 7 on the E! network.

Just days after Life & Style magazine reported E! reality star Kendra Wilksinson turned down Playboy because she wanted to lose more weight, Kendra is now attempting to set the record straight.

In a new interview with E!, the Kendra star actually admits she was planning to pose nude again in Playboy but explains she had a change of heart after her husband Hank Baskett found out about it and had a talk with her.

The 25-year-old mother of one says she hired a photographer to take some test shots and get this, Hank didn’t find out about it until he came home one afternoon to find his wife posing in the living room in some skimpy attire.

“He didn’t yell at me,” Kendra says. “He wasn’t mad at me for doing that photo shoot. He actually sat down with me and he went over the reasons of doing it. And you know, my reasons weren’t right. I wanted to do Playboy for the wrong reasons. The wrong reasons are to prove people wrong, not to prove it to myself but to people and to put my middle finger up to everybody and be like, ‘I’m going to do Playboy!’ But that wasn’t the right reason, you know?”

Life & Style adds that Kendra’s first pictorial in Playboy was in 2005 with former Girls Next Door co-stars Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt.

So Kendra just basically admitted she was planning to pose for Playboy again behind her husband’s back. Must say this story isn’t helping shut down those reports of marital problems between the two.

TELL US – WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS STORY?

Despite the reports by multiple media outlets that there is trouble in paradise for Kendra Wilkinson and hubby Hank Baskett, the E! reality star took to her twitter in an attempt to kill the rumors.

Life&Style magazine was the first to report that Kendra was moving to Los Angeles without her husband who is currently playing football in Minnesota. UsWeekly has since confirmed the news as well. The Kendra star tweeted this week: “How handsome do my 2 favorite men look???” and linked to photos of Hank and their son on her website. Some of those photos are below.

A source close to Kendra then told PEOPLE that Kendra & Hank are “just fine.” The source added, “She’ll be spending the majority of her time in L.A. because of work and because her family is here in San Diego… They’re all good in their relationship. Their living situation is always very up in the air. But Kendra likes to have a base in L.A.”

However a newer report by the HollywoodLife states the opposite with a source telling them the couple’s marriage is indeed in trouble. “Its a no brainer,” says the source. “Kendra’s moved four times in four months [and] her kid is going through stuff. She needs her family around her.”

“They are embarrassed they are going through things,” adds the source. The 3rd season of Kendra premieres November 7th, 10pm on E!

TELL US – DO YOU BELIEVE ALL IS FINE OR THE MEDIA REPORTS?