I'm going to be totally honest with y'all…every time I'm assigned a Real Housewives of Atlanta post which involves NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak I hear NeNe's voice in my head screaming variations of "Keep your legs closed to married men" and "WIG!" the entire time I'm typing. It's equal parts awesome and a tad crazy. It's like I have NeNe Tourettes.
We all know that the once besties turned frenemies turned mortal nemeses (Looky there! I just learned the plural of nemesis…informative and educational!) have been going back and forth about the real reason Kim allegedly leaves the show mid-season. There's even a Twitter battle immortalized on the Internet where they spewed insults. Kim claims she quit, while NeNe has her on blast for being fired.
Kim counters with her own spin-off in the works (why would Bravo fire her, it basically promoted her?), while the Neenster cites pre-existing contractual obligations regarding said spin-off. Is NeNe going to law school in between filming her reality show, her sitcom The New Normal, and her guest spots on Glee? Kim's new spin-off is set to premiere in April and is creatively titled Don't Be Tardy…does she owe Kandi Burruss royalties for that title?
"F*** me now, slave – or I'll spend more of your money on Versace china and wigs!"
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was a lesson in living large, but not necessarily in charge. We spent our last day in Casa de Eviction where the Zolciak-Biermann fam was unceremoniously tossed out, left to the mercies of a generic moving company and schlepping 17,000 square feet of wigs back to Big Poppa's condo. Le sigh. My how the delusions of grandeur have fallen.
Elsewhere Kenya Moore continued to rock crazy like it's a pair of Louboutins. I would say she wears it well, but she doesn't. Instead she comes off looking the girl in foolboutins. I think they sell them at Payless. BOGO bitches!
Things begin at Casa de Eviction, where Kim Zolciak, wig askew, is like freaking out. She's got a whole house to move and one day to do it and no one is helping her. So she storms around ranting and blaming the movers for everything. Sweetie is shockingly the voice of reason as she tries to steer Kim in the direction of focusing on the important things – packing her wigs and makeup. Apparently Sweetie wants to spare us a Kim sans her face.
Was she, or wasn't she… fired, that is! It's the eternal question for any Housewife who has since ceased being a Housewife. The latest lady to hang up her wig is Kim Zolciak who recently did the tabloid rounds to insist she quit Real Housewives of Atlanta over negativity and to focus on her own spin-off, slated to air in April.
Well, NeNe Leakes tells a different story and she accuses Kim of some tall, tall tales! “It's so funny how this chick wants people 2 think she quit the show!” NeNe tweeted. “The producers no longer wanted 2 work wit u! Good bye wit the lies."
And just to make sure we all knew who the tweet was intended for, NeNeadded: “None of the girls or producers wanted 2 work wit her! Saving face like all the other ex housewives! U were FIRED! Good bye.”
Quit, fired – semantics, right? Every retired Housewife tells the same old tale of woe that the show was too much drama, the fighting too intense, it wasn't the image they wanted people to have of them. Kim Zolciak is no exception. The woman who made wigs a household name (sorry Raquel Welch!), is spilling the details about why she left Real Housewives of Atlanta mid-filming.
In an exclusive with In Touch Weekly (do they have Andy Cohen's girls on retainer?), Kim tells the magazine that her pregnancy had a lot to do with why she left.
"I was eight months pregnant and there was so much drama, I just had to walk," Kim insists. Apparently the stress of her own life, a new marriage, three children, and one on the way coupled with the nonsense of the show pushed her over the edge. "I've taken on so much in the past five years, but this was the final straw. My priority was the child inside me."
Well, Happy Thanksgiving Kim Zolciak! And I warn you dear readers in advance – this a motherload of a post filled with information.
Unfortunately for poor Kim she is in a massive feud with her parents with multiple media reports (and twitter!) getting involved. If you recall, Kim's parents are fighting her for visitation of her two daughters Brielle, 15, and Arianna, 11, under "grandparents' rights."
After Kim's daughters told the judge presiding over the case that they had no interest in a relationship with their grandparents and the Real Housewives of Atlanta star said her mom was "unfit" and "disrespectful" among other things, Kim's father, Joe, released a statement calling her a "pathological liar" to TMZ.
Kim's attorney responded to Joe's comments writing: Kim is "heartbroken and saddened by the derogatory and spiteful statements made by her mother and father, Karen and Joe Zolciak."
"[Kim] cannot comprehend for what rational purpose her parents have decided to humiliate their grandchildren's mother in such a public display of hatred and fabrications."
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta we met other new Housewife Porsha Stewart. What can we say about Porsha other than she's very, very, very, very, very, very blessed – and everything's, like, so perfect, like, all the time!
Porsha can pretty much be described as Kenya Moore's diametric opposite – a fact that has not escaped Kenya for one second. While Porsha grew up rich, doted on, and adored only to get married to a famous athlete and live as a socialite, as Kenya pointed out – she had to earn her own titles. Which may be why she clings onto an aging, tarnished, crown for dear life. When alls you've got is yesterday's honor and some Stuff Magazine covers, girl can't sit back on her booty and let the world forget!
Things begin with NeNe Leakes and ex-husband/current squeeze Greggalicious having a little one-on-one time. They head to Miss Lawrence's salon for some pedicures on giant, ridiculous, lacquered thrones. Gregg displays his talent for memorizing Hallmark cards and old wedding toasts by serenading an embarrassed NeNe with badly rhyming poems. All Gregg wants is a key. A key to NeNe's house, a key to her life, a key to her heart!
Tonight Real Housewives of Atlanta fans will get to meet new Housewife (and Kim Zolciak replacement) Porsha Stewart. While it's not clear when exactly ol' Wigs McGee will exit stage left, one thing's for sure – Porsha arrives tonight and she's coming out with a bang as she goes to battle with fellow newbie Kenya Moore!
Speaking with Atlanta Constitution Journal, Porsha shares how she would like viewers to perceive her and what she thinks of her new co-workers.
“I’m happy to show who I really am. I’m big on respect. If I feel disrespected, I will explain to you what you did. I speak my opinion. I’m outspoken. I am not the one talking about you behind your back. I will say it to your face," Porsha explains of her people-management style.
"I can seem a little harsh but it comes from a good place. At the end of the day, you may love me or hate me or love to hate me,” she warns.