Is it me or are things on Real Housewives Of New York just straight up mean this season?! If it isn’t raining men in NYC, it’s raining bitches – and everyone is getting drenched!
At least things start out positively. Moving into the fifth floor of Manor Morgan is Luann de Lesseps. The heater may not work but at least there’s a hot plate.
While Luann lounges on a bed still bearing the trappings of 1992 bourgeois stylings, she wonders if her hostess with the mostess loose ends, Sonja Morgan, has told Bethenny Frankel about the Tipsy Girl unveiling. Sonja shrugs off the potential snafu. She ain’t scairt of Bethenny. The well of booze has a deep trough, and Tipsy Girl is but a little drop, all of it likely going down Sonja’s gullet. After all, there was once a Skinny Bitch, then along came a Skinnygirl, and that little low-fat piggy went on reality TV and squealed all the way to the bank.
To you who are about to read this recap: I salute you! For those of you who actually tuned in last night for Part 2 of Little Women: LA Matt and Briana, Ride or Die…can we go in on a group therapy rate together? Because I may need some deep work on my residual anger issues after witnessing this unnatural disaster. It only took me an entire week’s worth of hot showers to clean the stank off after witnessing last week’s sh*t show, but I fear it will take Briana Renee a lifetime to live with herself after broadcasting this hot mess to the world. Sigh.
We pick up after Briana told Matt Ericson he couldn’t come home yet, just after taping the LWLA Season 4 Reunion. Upon hearing that news, Matt threw himself a wittle hissy fit then slept in his car, but he’s suddenly back! And just in time to take Briana’s poor, sweet, innocent daughter, Leiana, to a “Daddy Daughter Dance.” Erm. No. WHY IS BRIANA ALLOWING THIS!? And where is Leiana’s actual father, Leif Manson!?
Well played, Lifetime, well played. I’ll give the network a slow clap for sure after last night’s wrap up to the Dance Momsreunion. It had me bawling like a baby, but I appreciated that it focused on the only two redeeming qualities of the show: the girls’ genuine friendships and the amazing dancing. Plus, kudos for plugging the girls’ music videos and YouTube channels! Each of these young ladies has a bright future ahead of her, and Jai Rodriquez is yet again a breath of fresh air compared to ol’ Phil Collins.
The reunion begins with the girls joining The Boys of Temecula in a fabulous hip-hop number. After the dance, Maddie, MacKenzie, Nia, JoJo, Kalani, Kendall, and Brynn join to Jai to dish about the drama and the fun we’ve seen this season. Maddie recalls that she, her sister, and Nia were the only original ALDC team members remaining, and they have all grown up together. Jai shows a clip of the girls learning of Maddie and MacKenzie’s departure which starts the waterworks. You can tell how much these girls love each other. Don’t you remember being that age when when those kind of friendships were the only care in the world?
Last night, it was all too much for resident horn dogDanny Zurelkat, who decided to break rank and get his smooch on with a charter guest. Danny and his trusty sidekick, Bobby Giancola, also though it was a good idea to bring girls on board after their inebriated night out on the town! It’s time for this week’s installment of Below Deck Mediterranean, Jersey Shore style.
Despite the desperate pleas of Julia D’Albert-Pusey to think twice on an idiotic move, the Danny and Bobby manage to drag a few falling down drunk women back to the hot tub of shame for a nightcap. But Captain Mark Howard doesn’t take too kindly to this crew-on-civilian canoodling, laying blame squarely on the shoulders of their superior, First Mate Bryan Kattenburg. Bryan’s in charge of the whole boat, remember? It’s HIS fault!
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas needed a Prozac.Brandi Redmond is down in the dumps because her marriage is basically a jar of Ragu Marinara she can’t open. All she wants is some drama-free spaghetti. Instead, she’s stuck begging, over speakerphone, for permission for her love to open the door to Bryan’s heart.
Also, LeeAnne Locken just straight-up exhausts me! She’s the type of person who demands total reconnaissance of your time as her soul soldier. Once you’re in a relationship with LeeAnne, it’s your responsibility to make up for all the tragedies of her childhood. Tiffany Hendra is in it so deep, she doesn’t even know how to come up for air, look around, and realize holy hell – I’m out here in Antarctica, where everything is as frozen as my Botoxed-face. LeeAnne is just SO MUCH WORK.
Last night was the most rage-inducing episode of Teen Mom 2 this season thanks to David Eason’s (aka “Uncle Dave”) beyond creepy, awful behavior.
On the bright side, Adam Lind’s child support wasn’t mentioned at all (or it was and my brain has successfully blocked it out). Instead of forced storylines that no one cares about, we got to see the genuine Chelsea Houska deal with the very real issue of taking a six year old to get glasses.
The deployed Javi Marroquin made several appearances via FaceTime and surprised Kailyn Lowry and her friends. Leah Messer was surprised by Corey Simms’s objection to the court order grant, which she thought they had agreed was fair and best for the girls. And I was surprised and disgusted to see David calling Kaiser his kid.
Holy first season unseen footage, Batman! After last night’s episode of Southern Charm, I’m sure some residents of the Holy City are thinking, “Holy crap!” Whitney Sudler-Smith is either brilliantly weaving some amazing drama or doesn’t have the final say when it comes to what makes it on (or stays off) the show. Either way, yowsers! After the great bourbon debacle of this decade, Craig Conover has changed direction. His new mission isn’t Gentry, it’s getting to the bottom of Whitney’s intense distaste for Kathryn Dennis. What better backdrop for the ensuing bombshell than Shepard “Shep” Rose’s Blue Ridge Mountain home? Throw in some Thomas Ravenel drunk dancing (to quote a friend, “Seems like a dream…it can’t be real!”), and we’ve got ourselves a stellar installment!
As the Charmers rise and shine in the Lowcountry, Cameran Eubanks is channeling her inner domestic goddess with a crock pot meal while Craig and Shep opt for beers and bar food a fruit plate at Fuel. Craig admits he had a rough night with Naomie after falling from whiskey’s grace. Shep invites Craig to join the crew in Linville and ticks off the guest list. He’s decided not to include Kathryn (even though he’s Mr. Inclusive) after lunching with Whitney and Cameran–they won’t come if she attends. Craig informs Shep that Kathryn is on bed rest, so she won’t be able to come regardless…so an invitation can’t hurt and will only make her feel good. Shep dials up Kathryn who is excited to be invited even though she has to decline. Shep sends up a thank you to the bed rest gods for saving the day. In I’On, Thomas stops in to see Kathryn’s place, and she shares her conversation with Shep. T-Rav responds that he was planning on going, but maybe he won’t since she can’t. Or maybe he’ll just go for one night, nothing major…he’ll play it by ear. He feels the need to be vague when it comes to the details of Shep’s excursion because T-Rav is worried Kathryn will turn into T-Rex if he seems too excited about the trip.
Did the producers of Sister Wives end up with so much extra footage that two hour episodes sounded like a good idea? Are they hoping if they show more of Meri Brown’scatfishing, Nev and Max will suddenly want to collaborate? It’s just too much of a good thing–in this case Kody’s luscious locks–if you ask me.
Kody wants to help Meri feel more love and support, but he’s not sure how to go about it. He believes the therapy session was helpful, but he wants to make sure that the group continues to handle the situation with kindness. Janelle realizes that it’s not enough to tell her that she’s included in the family, they need to show her. Of course, there is other stuff going on with the crew besides the catfishing. Aspyn and Mykelti have come to the end of their year lease, and the sisters are totally over living together. Aspyn is moving back home, but not into Christine’s house because she tends to butt heads with her mother when it comes to how to raise her younger siblings. She’s going to be living at Robyn’s, and Christine admits it will be an adjustment. Mykelti is moving to Utah to work for her dad’s friend as she takes time off from UNLV. College is hard, and she’s not ready to grow up quite yet.