I don't know what I more saddened to learn about last night's Dance Moms…that it was ninety minutes long or that that it was the mid-season finale. Seriously, Lifetime? MID-SEASON? This season has been going on since before MacKenzie was born–at least that's how it feels! Of course, we finally got to meet the new team that Abby Lee Miller has been threatening to introduce for decades!
The super-sized episode begins with Abby returning to the studio after the death of her mother. Her dancers share their condolences, and once again, both Maddie and I are in tears. Abby cuts through the emotional moment by forging ahead with the pyramid. Chloe is on the bottom due to her fifth place solo finish, with Nia following. Kalani rounds out the bottom tier for not standing out in group number. Kendall is in the third spot for her second place solo. Maddie is in second, with MacKenzie on the top for balancing dance and her It's a Girl Party video…which, by the way, is available for download on Lifetime. Do people really buy these things?
On last night's season premiere episode of 16 And Pregnant a 16-year-old high school junior from Tinley Park, Illinois named Maddy Godsey got pregnant after a one-night stand. Besides the obvious one night stand with NO PROTECTION and a dual-colored hair that seems to have a shaved widows peak in the front, Maddy seemed fairly mature and responsible – and recognized that her 'hook-up' Cody Jensen was definitely not boyfriend material.
Maddy is a high school volleyball and basketball player who has a ton of friends (and a penchant for zebra-print; a nice change from the omnipresent leopard on these shows). She lives with her mom and three siblings, including a little sister who is only a few months old. She has a good relationship with both her parents, who are divorced. Her father lives about an hour away. Maddy had a long-term boyfriend and after he broke up with her she met Codyon Facebook and the two had a one-night stand.
TamraBarney Judge and Eddie are working hard at CUT Fitness and after 8 months in business are breaking even. Good for them! She compares the venture to having a newborn and then mentions that Eddie is five-years-younger than her and the deep sexy voice (debatable) he uses to teach classes gets all the ladies' revved up. It makes Tamra jealous – and insecure about her age. Tamra says she's doing everything she can to look younger. We can tell….
Before we start off with the recap, I'd like to congratulate Cameran Eubanks on her wedding this past weekend. My friend said it was a beautiful event–incredibly classy, but not the least bit pretentious, which is the impression I think we all get from the Southern Charm star. Guests feasted on barbeque and fried chicken while dancing outside at a plantation about an hour outside of Charleston. Cameran's dress was gorgeous, and my friend managed to snap a picture with Whitney Sudler-Smith. She said she didn't want to give Shep Rose the satisfaction of asking. As for Thomas Ravenel? Apparently T-Rav, Kathryn Dennis, and new daughter Kensington are now living in Florida so they were not in attendance. So, I guess he won't be throwing his name in the hat for the Senate race? Thanks for taking one for the team, Florida!
Last night's episode had the gang heading out to Shep's family farm for some hunting and man time. Something tells me these folks shouldn't have access to firearms and Fireball at the same time. The show begins where last week's ended…with Kathryn storming out because T-Rav wouldn't defend her to Craig. J.D., Shep, and Danni are the only guests left, and Shep is dumbfounded that Craig (who is nuttier than a fruitcake in his opinion) would bring such drama to the meal. T-Rav then enlightens us as to the difference between people from the North and those from the South. Southerners will sleep around as much as they damn well please, but they would never talk about it at a dinner party! Danni explains to Thomas that Kathryn is hurt he didn't defend her honor. Luckily for T-Rav (and for anyone driving around South of Broad on the evening in question), a wasted Kathryn doesn't get far as her car has been towed. She sulks back into what's left of the party for more vino.
Last night was the season finale of Teen Mom 2. Aaaahhh… Jenelle Evans oh my, my, my. Man every single season this girl does something to make me think less of her. I mean just when I think she can't top getting arrested for heroin after marrying someone she barely knows, she goes and makes a baby with another lunatic she barely knows not 3 months after having an abortion.
For all of that, I felt a little bad for Jenelle last night – if only because it became more than abundantly clear that she is not right. Nathan Griffithis a sociopath. Something is seriously wrong with him. We will be seeing him as the subject of a Dateline NBC mystery where he has done something truly heinous.
And also, this recap is sponsored (kidding, not really) by the maternity lingerie photo of Kailyn Lowry and topless Javi Marroquin that is framed above their bed. At least Snuffy was smiling and that may be the only smiling photo of her I've ever seen!
Quad Lunceford-Webb pays a visit to Lisa Niccole's house to discuss Dr. Heavenly's Black Tie fiasco. Lisa Nicole has a business partner who is a familiar friend (with another new face) – Dwight Eubanks! I hope his partnership with Lisa is more lucrative than his affiliation with She By SheBroke's fashion show. Dwight is looking good – his nose seems to have some added putty, his cheeks a little fuller, and he's rocking a fade.
They dive into the ludicrous behaviors of Mariah Huq – and her 'When Doves Died' outfit at Heavenly's. "What the hell," wonders Dwight. Exactly – the perfect way to sum up Mariah.
Last night Bravo was up to some chicanery – telling us Real Housewives of Atlanta's finale was an hour and a half and then tacking on some sit-down special with NeNe Leakes for the last 30 minutes. I have to admit NeNe basically ripping up Cynthia Bailey's friendship contract and making it acid rain all over the WWHL stage was far more entertaining than any old memorial for Kenya Moore's dog on what looked like Chateau Sheree's dirt patch vacant grounds.
So anyway, Kandi Burruss and Todd have been through a lot in their relationship, most prevalently they have dodged the mighty weave-wearing bullet of Mama Joyce and her Wal-mart wedges being thrown at them from all angles. Now that they've done a MJ exorcism by developing the play A Mother's Love together, it's time to talk prenup. Kandi wants one and wants one she shall have – so long as the requests are reasonable according to Todd. Basically both parties leave with what they came in with and split everything they accrued together down the middle.
Last night on Teen Mom 2 MTV let us down massively with only grainy footage of Nathan Griffith's DUI. Nathan (and Jenelle Evans) claim that since he refused a breathalyzer Nathan wasn't actually drunk, or something.
Before we get into all of that, Chelsea Houska is trying to be more mature with Adam Lind. Chelsea has come a long way, and the only strides Adam has made is ditching that recedehawk, because he's still a COMPLETE jerk! At Aubree's pre-school pageant he drags new baby Paislee along and is snappish to Chelsea while they do crafts with Aubree.
Later in the car with Taylor (new baby mama with double-ee named spawn of Adam) he complains that Chelsea isn't going to get be in control of his relationship with Aubree much longer. Um… really, Dumee? Is this before or after you get in a felony car crash or ditch your daughter at your parents because you don't get your way.