Sometimes my reality gets skewed. It's been skewed as of late. I'm bewildered. The light of musicals, Southern belle charm, and quick wit wrapped in a tiny little package has disappointed me. Yet, I still can't blame her. I feel as if she's been brainwashed. I can't think of another logical explanation.
I'll just come right out and say it. I've heard the rumors, and I've read the gossip, but I so didn't want to believe it was true. But we now have confirmation. Sigh. It seems that everyone's favorite multi-talented spitfire little cupcake Kristin Chenoweth is, in fact, dating former Bachelor alum and d-bag pilot Jake Pavelka. When did the world go so awry? I'd hoped that she was his beard, but it doesn't seem like that is the case. I don't know what to believe anymore. Gracious.
This was a good week for our favorite reality shows! It seems that everyone is getting back into the swing of 2013, and with a routine comes our favorite old habits…watching some of the most fantastically trashy television series known to man.
Chris Harrison is on hand, as well, to keep every single most dramatic rose ceremony running smoothly. Not on hand? Emily Maynard. She broke Sean's heart on the Bachelorette and, for the sake of my sanity, needs to stay far away from this season.
Sean has fully recovered from his heartbreak and is ready to try again on the Bachelor. Clearly, he's a fool. He says the idea of possibly meeting his future wife during this journey (drink up, my friends) is kind of exciting and kind of intimidating.
Sean adds, "I want the end result. I want to protect my woman. I want to love my woman. I want to honor her. I want to love her with everything I have, and I want to be the best possible man I can be for her. I want to be rich in love."
Because ABC doesn't completely hate me,Arie Luyendyk, Jr. stops by Sean's pad to help him prepare for what is to come. Mr. Holy Hotness schools Sean on how to properly kiss a woman: Eye contact. Use your hands. Touch her hair. Touch her face. Tease her with your tongue. No lizard tongue. Use your whole body. #coldshower
Curse you, Arie, for not signing up for this train wreck of a show solely for my entertainment.
Leave it to Ashley "Build-A-Bear" Hebert to buck the system when it comes to wedding etiquette. Seriously, someone get this girl an Emily Post book stat! No, I'm being too hard on Ashley and her fiancé J.P. Rosenbaum. I should be applauding the Bachelorette pair for actually making it down the aisle given the curse that seems to plague all relationships born of the Bachelor franchise. Did you know that out of twenty-four seasons there have been twenty-one engagements that failed? I mean, yes, two of those engagements belonged to both Brad Womack and former flame Emily Maynard, but those odds aren't good! My math is bad…I realize that Emily's engagement to Brad doesn't factor in, but I feel like it is worth mentioning. Lots of failed relationships!
Of course, when Chris Harrison talks about the most dramatic rose ceremonies ever I never thought that he would try to orchestrate the most dramatic televised wedding ever. I don't know whether to be disgusted or proud for what will surely be Bachelor Pad style television. Slow clap, Mr. Harrison, slow clap.
Kalon and Lindzi have kept things quiet, but they're still very much together. Unlike Tony Pieper and Blakeley Jones, who got engaged before the cameras stopped rolling, moved in together immediately, and broke up just a few months later, Kalon and Lindzi are taking things slow. Following the Bachelor Pad, Kalon moved from Houston to L.A. and helped launch Givebones, a company that sells dog products online and donates ten percent of its profits to animal shelters and charities. Lindzi still lives in Seattle.
When asked about the relationship, Kalonsaid, "[Long-distance relationships] are difficult. I did one once and I told myself I’d never do it again. But here we are … We’re giving it a shot. We’ll see what happens. She’s wonderful."
Sean Lowe's season of The Bachelor will be upon us before we can say "made for TV love never lasts!" ABC has recently released the lovely ladies who will be vying for Sean's affections this season – and now they're releasing the trailer for the upcoming season.
Chris Harrison has promised this is not a "let's get drunk, let's get naked" kind of a season, which kinda defeats the purpose of watching the show. I mean the good parts are all the desperate famewhores working overtime to throw themselves at some dude who will propose to them for his own famehoochie aspirations.
Timing is everything, right? Bachelor couple Ben Flajnik and Courtney Robertson break up, the two are thrust back into the media spotlight, and Ben announces a new TV project… coincidence or good planning?
According to Wetpaint Entertainment, Ben and the E! network are teaming up to bring us a new reality series about Ben's Sonoma-based winery, Envolve. “It will be about the day-to-day business of the company,” Wetpaint's source said. “Both from the wine-making and the marketing angles."
The source added, "Right now, the show is in the very early stages.Contracts haven’t even been signed but things are moving along."
Ashley and J.P. will be following in the footsteps of the original Bachelorette couple Trista and Ryan Sutter. Not only are they getting married, but they're doing so in a two hour televised ABC special. Is that part of their contract? #rhetoricalquestions Also, we have some spoilers, so if you don't want to skip ahead 9+ episode's of Sean's Bachelor season and make your own betting pools, consider yourself forewarned.