Reality Tea

Teresa Giudice

The closer we get to the premiere of The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In, the more I expect to hear about Teresa Giudice. But a “throwback” confession from Lisa Lampanelli, while hilarious, isn’t quite what I had in mind.

Lisa Lampanelli’s Greatest Story Ever Told:

“You may remember I did this show – this little show on a major network – called The Celebrity Apprentice,” said Lisa. “The year that I did it, it was definitely, because of me, called Celebrity Fight Club because I hated everyone. What makes it worse for the women celebrities is that we have to spend two hours in hair and makeup every day because we look so bedraggled. One morning, like six weeks into the show, I am super tired and at 4 a.m. my makeup artist comes in and she goes, ‘Lisa, listen to this, everyone in wardrobe is saying Teresa – From the Real Housewives, who was also on the show with me. You know, the one in jail now. – is definitely pregnant because her stomach appears to be getting bigger.’ I’m like, ‘I need to investigate this because I need to be in on all the tea, honey.'”

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Khloe Kardashian gets her Range Rover wrapped in velvet

In case you’ve ever wondered what it is like to have so much money that you don’t even know what to do with it, you can always ask one of the gals from Keeping Up With The Kardashians. They seem to know exactly what to do. I mean, when you have everything you’ve ever wanted and still have money to burn, what do you do? Why, you have your car or truck wrapped in velvet.

No, we are totally not kidding, folks. In fact, Khloe Kardashian recently shared the photo above of her Range Rover after it was wrapped in velvet. Yes, velvet. Meanwhile, children all over the world are starving and families are struggling….but it certainly must be nice to be able to throw money away.

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Caroline-Stanbury-Talking-Head-Ladies-of-London-001

Last night’s Ladies of London picked up right where we left off, with grown women in onesies arguing over who’s humping whose hubby. Juliet Angus just caught a unicorn version of Caroline Stanbury posing over Juliet’s husband, Gregor, in a compromising position. And she ain’t happy about it. As Caroline dismisses Juliet for taking umbrage over her “joke,” Caroline’s more than slightly tipsy sister in law, Sophie Stanbury, bends over Juliet to argue about men wanting “variety” and absolutely loving the occasional unicorn hump now and again! So, pfffffffft with ye olde Americans and your easily bruised egos! Caroline takes a more direct approach, flipping Juliet off before she walks away. Getting huffy in plush onesies is no small feat, but these ladies are managing to do just that. Which is hilarious.

After Juliet tells the group she and Gregor are going to bed, Sophie snarks, “You Americans have no idea how to party. I’m gonna go hang out with the Brits!” The drunken Caroline and Sophie, along with wannabe Brit, Marissa Hermer, head up to Caroline’s suite for an after party with their assigned husbands. Caroline doesn’t understand Juliet’s damage. Caroline Fleming coos in Caroline S’s ear that the person who starts the drama usually *is* the drama. The Baroness has spoken! And she has just encapsulated the behavior of every reality star that’s ever cried foul.

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 hollywood brandi fight1

Finally. Love & Hip Hop Hollywood is following the trend it created by introducing a bunch of peripheral characters in one episode that we’ll struggle to keep up with for the remainder of the season. It’s about time. Last night’s episode begins with Brandi confronting her husband Max in the studio. The trifling hos didn’t know he was married because he’s neglected to wear his wedding ring. Not okay, especially according to this newbie player! She unearths his wedding band from her suitcase size purse and holds it up as proof for the ladies who were draped across her man. Again, it’s the girls fault, not so much his. Max and Ray-J drag the tiny Tasmanian devil out of the studio, but she puts up quite a fight. She screams at Max about how he’d feel if she was out without her wedding ring. HOW WOULD HE FEEL? I’m guessing he wouldn’t care all that much.

Kamiah is still reeling from being deleted from Lil’ Fizz’s menu, and she’s meeting with celebrity blogger Jason Lee who spouts off his Hollywood resume like I order my weekly Bo Jangles. Kamiah recaps the downfall of her relationship with Fizz which started with her moving her stuff into his place and ended with a rock wall break-up. She recalls Fizz’s erectile dysfunction while Jason foams at the mouth. He can’t wait to post this madness! He reminds her that she needs to be focused on a man that can rise to the occasion. Pun intended.

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Jon Gosselin talks about getting married again

Jon Gosselin has been keeping a low profile these days….well, at least ever since he attempted to take custody of his daughter. Yeah, looks like that didn’t go so well. And believe it or not, Gosselin actually enjoys his life now – away from the chaos of Kate Gosselin and all of the cameras following him around. Instead, Gosselin is busy with his girlfriend, Colleen Conrad, who he has been dating for the past year.  

But exactly how serious are things getting between the two? I mean, after all of the drama surrounding his split from Kate Gosselin, topped with all of his custody battles with her, we can’t imagine Jon Gosselin ever thinking of getting married again. But guess what? He is thinking about it! However, whether or not he will actually do it – well, that’s a whole different story.

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Nick Jonas

Photo Credit: Amanda Edwards/WireImage/Getty Images

Meghan King Edmonds investigates Brooks again

Tonight marks the 3 millionth consecutive episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County that questions whether or not Brooks Ayers is faking cancer.

Since Brooks is getting more airtime than 4 of the 5 actual Housewives I propose he get his own tagline. My suggestion: “I may be faking cancer, but I’m sure as hell not faking all the drama I cause!” 

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Teen Mom 2 Cast - Season 6

Same drama, different season – but regardless Teen Mom 2 continues on! As always. (At this point it should be renamed ‘Never Gonna Grow Up Mom’ *unless thy name is Chelsea Houska*). 

With season 6 capturing Leah Messer‘s drug use, custody battle, and second divorce, alongside Jenelle Evans‘ mugshot mania and dysfunctional drama with GTJ (Gym, Tan, Jail) ex-boyfriend Nathan Griffith, MTV has decided to treat us to a season 7!

Yay, because that means we get more of Reality Tea writer Melissa’s scathing and hilarious Teen Mom 2 twitter commentary. And more Randalicious

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