Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is back, but before we welcome the new, let’s recap the old! In season 4 the cast tried to tackle issues of betrayal, religion, and race mixed with diamonds, rosé and glamorous vacations. It didn’t work.
They also tried to drastically alter the status quo by staging a coup against Lisa Vanderpump. That also didn’t work. But it did teach us a very important lesson about intergalactic geography: Brandi Glanville is an alien invader from Planet Trash! That explains everything…
Last season introduced us to one-failure-wonders, Carlton Gebbia and Joyce Giraud (or shall we call her Hoyce, depending on how much we’ve had to drink?). Carlton made her storyline about how she was the living embodiment of all the bored middle-aged ladies yearning for their husbands to become Christian Grey, but instead they got stuck with Mr. Green who is working his boring job to pay for boob jobs, instead of tying them up with twist-ties and beating them with bananas atop the Etruscan marble breakfast nook while the maid vacuums in the background. Carlton decided to prove that a gal can have both by building a parents playroom (with the help of her icky nanny) and taking her MIL to the Hustler store for bikinis.
Unfortunately for Kim she just doesn’t see what all the controversy is about – she’s like soooo proud of all the work she does and the amazing things that she has accomplished. Silly Kim doesn’t get that her shameless attention whoring is what’s behind the outrage, which did far more to #BreakTheInternet than yet another photo of Kim’s altered derriere!
“I was so honored and excited to work with [photographer Jean-Paul Goude] because he is a legend, and for me that was something I wanted to do to make myself feel confident,” the Keeping Up With The Kardashians star insisted.
Good news: Tori Spelling is out of the hospital. Random news: She’s sporting new grey hair extensions. Bad news: Tori Spelling is making the press rounds to promote the new season of True Tori. Yesterday, she appeared on Today, and Hoda and Kathie Lee coddled the special snowflake beyond belief. Tori’s first post-hospital interview came hot on the heels of several secret sources spilling their guts to Us Magazine.
Here’s a source, there’s a source, everywhere there’s a secret source…
One source claimed Tori and Dean McDermott are barely speaking. I believe it. Dean was in the building but he did not sit with Tori during her interview. A second source shared, “There appears to be no love between them. When the cameras are off, they’re cold toward one another.” A third insider insinuated that Tori‘s recent grab for attention hospitalization for ebola/bronchitis/mental breakdown was the final nail in the coffin.
NeNe Leakes kept her the Real Housewives of Atlanta blog short – but not so sweet – this week. I imagine she’ll have a lot more to say when she’s back in Atlanta on next Sunday’s episode. I can hardly wait.
Along with a link to her blog, NeNe tweeted, “There is no need 4 me 2 waste words on people who deserve my silence. So I’ll let you b the judge … #TheThirstIsREAL.” NeNe silent? Only in my dreams! Of course those people include Cynthia Bailey, Apollo Nida, and Kenya Moore.
NeNe thanked those who supported her in Las Vegas, adding, “We’ve got one woman working in Vegas at Zumanity doing something different and out of the box, while the others sit around a bar to gossip and lie.”
While I welcome them with open arms, I am surprised they joined the show, as they’ve both been blessed with long successful careers. Lisa is no stranger to reality TV, having appeared on Celebrity Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars, and Harry Loves Lisa, but she dissed the thought of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills more than once in the past. So why did Lisa change her mind?
Last night on Vanderpump Rules, some people could not move on. There they were, frozen in time, unable to let go, as they swam through the Cocktail Of Denial.™ Somehow I think that should be SUR’s signature drink.
Oh Lisa Vanderpump – so kind, so forgiving, so understanding… WHY?! Stop That! Do not let them grovel in their Jax Taylor knitwear, bearing letters they begged their mothers to write in elegant calligraphy – you fired that Sangria-theiving James Kennedy, now stick to it! In the reoccurring theme of SUR, no one who is fired stays fired. Kinda like no one that has broken up stays separated for long. Case in point, Kristen Doute groveling to Tom Sandoval over a cable box and some ratty old clothes she got from Stassi Schroeder‘s goodwill box labeled: The Thin Days (Stassi looks great – I’m only joking about her referring to her “love pounds”).
You know what I’d do with the paycheck if I ended up on a reality show (listen up, Andy Cohen!)? I’d pay off my flippin’ student loans. I would not buy a car (although the show’s producers would probably buy one for me so as not to embarrass the rest of the cast with my ride), I would not not live above my means…I would just start slowly chipping away at my massive law school debt. What is it with people that they don’t think they need to pay their bills after they receive a little bit of fame?
I’m looking at you, Benzino. You know I adore you, but you didn’t use your Mona money to get a neck implant, and you sure as heck didn’t use it to pay back Uncle Sam. Now, before y’all start in on me, I realize that Benzino’s career in hip hop began long before his stint on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, as did his money problems. Geez Louise, though! Pay your debts, dude!