Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ousted Lisa Vanderpump from Puerto Rico and bonded over how awesome it is to have the reigning queen off the island. Temporarily they're all getting along until the jockeying for position resumes anew. I think it's safe to say Kim Richards is out of the running.
In Puerto Rico all the ladies meet for breakfast where Joyce Giraudhas dressed in what is in her approximation casual pageant gear. Aka, a maxi dress with sparkles and spangles that weigh more than she does.
What's one way to keep your name in the news when you're a former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star? Well, just talk about how much you'd never return to the show (is Bravo asking? Doubtful.)…unless you got paid a lot of money. So you're saying there's a chance…
Adrienne Maloof is still taking to task the franchise that made her a Bravolebrity, while hinting that she wouldn't turn down the chance to return if the price was right. Maybe Bravo will decide to give her a wedding spin-off if she does, in fact, marry her child-groom. I'd watch. Not.
Oh man… there's nothing like a Real Housewives casting rumor! As each season ends the interwebs erupt with theories and reports about who is in and who is out. There's already a rumor that this is Kim Richards' final seasonand that seems pretty legit given that she's been a walking disaster seasons 1 – 4, but she's also reportedly one of Bravo's favorites, so…
However Joyce Giraud and Snarlton Gebbia are also rumored to be saying goodbye to Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Bravo has been struggling to attract super-wealthy glamorous women for the past couple seasons, but they're also looking for ladies that amp the excitement factor. Apparently newbies Joyce and Carlton just aren't doing that.
I don't know what to think. Is this a 4-way gang up on Lisa Vanderpump? Or is this Brandi Glanville and Yolanda Fosterwere once on a Dream Team with Lisa and for some odd reason decided to split and take Lisa down by pulling others into the middle?
Meaning, that yes – Lisa was part of "tabloids-in-the-suitcase-gate" which is the new necklace-gate, which is the new-skipped-my-party-gate, which is the new stop-being-my-mama-gate which is the new ewww-get-my-husband's-mistress-out-my-plastic-face-gate, which is the new hair-flip-your-friends-talk-ish-about-you-gate, which is the new don't-talk-about-my-husband's-ALLEGED-cheating-gate. Basically we've come full circle and we're back to talking about Kyle Richardsand Mauricio's cheating, which NO ONE – I repeat NO ONE – cared about in the first place except Kyle who probably planted the stories to begin with!
Of course, Joyce is also giving us her take on Monday's episode. She begins her Bravo blog, "I want to thank you all for the cyber friendship and the support you've given me through this journey called Housewives. I also want to take advantage of this platform to answer something lots of you have been asking. For those who've asked me on social media how I feel about the fact that Brandi uses every chance she can to try to disrespect me, all I can say is that she is a classless person who thinks everything she says is OK and funny. Apparently she has no friends to tell her that making racial remarks, backstabbing all her fellow Housewives, making horrible remarks about other women (Joanna Krupa and Kenya Moore), and talking crap in all the interviews that are meant to be about her book are not OK…Sorry Brandi! Your card is overplayed and you have zero comedic timing! You are not funny and since I learned to take things from the source…Knock yourself out and keep proving me right."
Back pedal, back pedal, back pedal! If Brandi Glanville was back pedaling any faster, she'd be going in reverse! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has been in some hot water with her "friends" lately after "repeating" gossip regarding Lisa Vanderpump's finances and trying to pin it on Kyle Richards. She's now weighing in on what happened between Kyle and Carlton Gebbia and that blue-skull-peace-offering-washed-to-get-rid-of-bad-ju-ju-is-it-a-ring-or-a-crown-do-we-care situation. Ridiculous. Of course, Brandi is calling it like she sees it, but this time around, she's quick to insert compliments and let us know just how much she loves this group of women. Even Lisa.
Taking to her Bravo blog, Brandi begins with a little self-deprecating humor. I guess she figures if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. She begins, "Let me just start by saying after seeing my spray tan, I am definitely getting back into the gym to work on my mommy pooch. At this point Kim [Richards] and I were getting very close, and I really am happy to have come such a long way with her from when we first met." And they certainly have done a complete one-eighty from the crutch stealing and meth accusations, haven't they? Such cute biffles!
Back in my last life when I taught first grade, I used to read "Which Witch Is Which" to my students around Halloween. For some reason, when I watch this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the same question resonates in my head! Is it the actual Wiccan Carlton Gebbia? Kyle Richards for her comments? Brandi Glanville? I just don't know anymore. Of course, Carlton thinks there is no bigger bwitch (my new hybrid word) in 90210 than Splits and Joyce Giraud. I think someone needs to Escape from Witch Mountain! Who's with me? Kim? (Sorry, couldn't resist!).
In her Bravo blog, Carlton has had enough of the judgment and hypocrisy, so she goes and does the proper amount of judgment towards Kaftan Kyle herself. Perhaps these ladies should be friends as they seem to act in the same general manner!
Everything Housewives gets "gated". And here on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we have graduated from cheating-gate, and hair-gate, and lastminutecancellation-gate, to necklace-gate; and most excitingly: you'recursed-gate. It's been a while since we've had a good curse on Housewives #Season1CamilleGrammer #Pernicious.
So that's what we're dealing with here and like sand through the hourglass these here are the days of our caftans. Cause you know, Kyle Richards was on Days of Our Lives for a splits richards second.
Anyway, Brandi Glanville has a problem with her tongue and her mouth and her speech and her general planet trashiness was affected by wonky aspirin. Which is a good thing because she also has a problem with *gasp* Lisa Vanderpump. Appprrrrrntly, Lisa holds within her bejeweled hands the power to deport people, destroy their lives, poison their aspirin, and dig up their ex-husband's long-dead mistress from the grave to release her from her coffin on the very moment when you walk into a Bravo-sponsored season finale party at her restaurant. Or something like that that. Cause if anyone knows how to work a good curse it's not plastic tits on a tan witch Snarlton Gebbia, but Giggy-loving Lisa!