Oh, VH1, you never disappoint! The network that brought us the classic Love & Hip Hop franchise is at it again, hoping to target that professional, unmarried woman in her mid to late '20s who totally has her life together but “doesn’t see any shame in watching provocative, fun TV.” Sounds about right! I know these women, and I can see them joining me in a marathon of Naked Dating. Yes. Because that's going to be a show thanks to the art of blurring out body parts!
Nudity not your thing? Perhaps you'd rather watch cameras follow around my favorite Backstreet Boy Nick Carter or get lost in the nail-biting excitement of a traveling paternity testing truck. Who needs ice-cream when it has DNA? Still not convinced? How about K. Michelle's as yet untitled project. So she was telling the truth! The network is also debuting show that chronicles embarrassing hook-up walks of shame. Let me set my DVR (no, really).
So last night was the Love & Hip Hop reunion part duh deux. Let's hope that Mo'Nique can salvage what was a boring first half. Right off the bat, Mo'Nique warns everyone to keep their seats. She resumes her conversation with Peter Gunz, Tara Wallace, and Amina Buddafly. Mo'Nique questions whether Amina is worried she'll be Tara in ten years. Amina reveals that after a year of marriage, Amina already feels like Tara as Peter is up to his old tricks. We are treated to a highlight reel of the love triangle. I hope that Tara is as grossed out by her language regarding sexing up Peter as I am. Amina reveals that she will never allow herself to become Tara, Peter made her look like a fool, and Amina isn't going to put up with his shenanigans. The women are actually making some mature points, which is a plus. Erica Mena gives Amina a round of applause.
Peter admits that if he'd known Tara had such strong feelings for him, he probably wouldn't have married Amina. He announces that he's too old to be acting like this, and he believes that both women deserve better. Peter needs to work on becoming a better person. Amina interrupts to remind the audience that she loves pulling surprises out of her bra (Mrs. Pansky's drivers' license anyone?) before throwing a positive pregnancy test at Peter. Yup, Urine. She says that unlike Tara, she didn't take the Plan B. Erica is beside herself. "Shiz just got real, y'all!" she yells as Peter storms off the stage. Erica goes to comfort Amina, while Tahiry Jose follows Peter, urging him to publicly apologize to Tara for humiliating her on national television.
Don't fail us Mo'Nique! We've been through enough piddly hosts, so I hope she's able to hold her own with the crazy crew of Love & Hip Hop! Last night was the first half of the reunion, and Mo'Nique started with a long-winded monolog about adventures and riveting stories. Yeah, not so much. Forget about the story lines, lets talk hair! I can't decide if Yandy Smith looks like a fabulous pin-up or if she's been playing in Hugh Hefner's closet. I never thought I'd want Tara Wallace to put back on the blonde wig–I know many will disagree with me, but that pixie cut isn't doing her any favors..not to mention that dress looks like a surfer's rash guard! She's a gorgeous lady, and that hairstyle makes her look mousy. Tahiry Jose's hair looks amazing in the blunt ombre'd bob.Joe Buddenis dressed like my best friend's five-year-old on Easter Sunday.
Okay, now onto the reunion! Yandy reveals that she talks to Mendeecees Harris on the phone about five times a day. Mo'Nique warns that those collect calls can get expensive! Do inmates really get that many phone privileges? We are treated to anErica Mena/Cyn make-out montage. We get, VH1, they're lesbians! Sure they are. The pair is still together (thanks to Chipotle!) as they are holding hands on the sofa. Rich Dollaz' jealousy is well documented in clips, and he looks just as stupid as I remember. Rich joins the twosome on the sofa, and he tells Mo'Nique that he didn't have any loyalty to Cyn in her relationship with Erica, and he's a self-proclaimed creep. He feels sorry for Cyn because he thinks she's a prop in his back-and-forth with Erica.
Did anyone think that K. Michelle would last on Love & Hip Hop? Her move from the Atlanta franchise seemed calculated to revive viewers who have grown bored with the ratchetness that is the New York cast.
However, K. Michelle was barely on the show (I can't say I blame her!) this season, clocking in–maybe–a few minutes an episode. That said, I am not shocked to hear that she won't be returning for another season!
It's going down I'm yelling "timber!" on Love & Hip Hop as of late. Thankfully, last night marked the end of an extra long season, and man, was it messy! It begins with Erica Mena and Cynshopping for Cyn's pooch and rehashing Rich Dollaz' bad behavior at Erica's book launch. Why can't they all just get along, whines Erica…she just wants Rich and Cyn to be able to be cordial. While Cyn still finds "Bitch Dollaz to be corny as hell" (love it!), she agrees to play nice if he will. Meanwhile, Tara Wallace and Yandy Smith are shopping, and can I say how wonderful Yandy's hair looks? The bob is so sleek. Tara shares Peter Gunz' visit, and she's ready to move on after his apology. Yandy surprises her friend by offering her a role in her new movie.
Rich and Peter are meeting for dinner so that Rich can boo hoo about Erica and Cyn. He reveals that he and Erica have been doing the hippity dippity for the past week and making up for lost time. If Cyn runs her mouth to Rich at Erica's showcase, he has major plans to spill that little secret. He's so klassy. Peter knows that the Erica's show is going to be big…she's got quite a following, even if they are ratchet.
What the hell? Why is Nick Cannon making a cameo? Does he owe Mona money? Peter is seeking advice from Mr. Mariah Carey about his love triangle with Amina and Tara. Nick gives good advice, but I still feel badly that he had to make an appearance on this circus. Isn't Peter old enough to be his dad?
Can I just tell you how much I love the fact that Joe Budden proposed to Tahiry Jose on last night's Love & Hip Hop with a wad of gum in his mouth? Throughout his romantic speech, he's just chomping away. He gets down on one knee while Tahiry begs him to stand up…that's not a good sign. Tahiry turns down his proposal. She wonders how he can go from allowing a chick to hang out in her bed to buying a ring, and she can't trust him. The Professor decides that he will wait for her to change her mind. A teary Joe walks away, and Tahiry is comforted by her family. Awkward!
Peter Gunz is hanging out at this local cigar shot an awful lot…maybe he's squatting there. Saigon drops in on him to catch up, and he thinks that Amina Buddafly must be a great wife because she's German. Saigon is a lover of German porn. Peter is surprised to hear that his friend has asked Erica Jean to move in with him. He's ready to finally get to know his baby mama, and what better way than living under the same roof?
Well, well, well, it looks like some people are getting a bigger story line on Love & Hip Hop. Peter Gunz has decided to step aside for an episode and let other people take the lead.
Tara Wallace is all about doing her (and probably Peter when he calls) these days to get over her break-up. She's ambushed by K. Michelle and Yandy Smith. Her friends want to give her a sexed up makeover, and she's completely onboard with the transformation, especially since she has a date with the actor she met at Yandy's casting call. It's settled, dirty Heidi Klum it is! The blonde wig is working for her (kind of?), but poor girl can't twerk to save her life.
Rich Dollaz is tired of the constant ups and downs with Erica Mena. He decides to seek the advice of his mom since she's been along for the ride since he started hooking up/working with Erica. Rich's mom urges him to stay focus and keep things professional. He's preparing to go to a modeling show, and he feels guilty because he's gotten all his contacts from Erica. While Rich's mother thinks Erica is sweet and beautiful, but she isn't completely irresistible. Rich needs to keep it in his pants, but it's hard for this self-described "creep."
It's settled. I know where I'm eating the next time I'm in the ATL. Clearly everyone in Atlanta is going to flocking to the city's newest hotspot for cocktails and dinner. Who wouldn't want to dine at Sleazy & Zino Bistro and Bar? I'd like to make a standing reservation.
That's right, Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta's gruesome twosome, Stevie J. and Benzino have decided to milk their fifteen minutes of fame for all it's worth and open up a themed eatery. I wonder if it's decorated like a log cabin full of hot tubs, threesomes, and terribly bad decisions?