Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! So what you're about to read has got to be one of the most far-fetched and ridiculous things I've ever heard, until you realize it's about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, and ridiculousness for these two is any given Tuesday. It would actually be more far-fetched to hear about them doing something normal…like grocery shopping, or volunteering, or, I don't know, staying out of the public eye for a quick minute.
Sadly, we all know that will never happen. Ever. So, in the meantime, let's discuss North West'sfirst birthday, shall we? It's today. Happy birthday, kid. Use those candles to wish for a tiny bit of normalcy, to never be dressed by your father, and that genetics don't curse you with your mother's ass.
Parents of the Year (something tells me that is the title of an upcoming Kanye Westdelusional rant rap!) After returning from their honeymoon last week, Kim Kardashian and Kanye are back to their busy jobs of… taking more trips!
The Keeping Up With The Kardashians couple just returned from a lavish trip through Prague and Ireland and now they are headed to Punta Mita for another lavish trip at a private home to celebrate Kanye's 37th birthday. How is that not declared a national holiday?
Unfortunately Kimye may be missing something important… daughter North's first birthday. Kim knew there was something she forgot, but she assumed it was a hair appointment. North turns 1 on June 15th, which is this Sunday so hopefully they'll return in time. (They probably will since it's also Father's Day – photo ops!) Honestly I think the most time those two have spent with their child is when they posed for their Vogue cover. However a source tells Us Weekly Kim is planning to have another baby soon. Kim is hoping for a boy.
The episode starts with Khloe talking about her divorce and how she is handling it. Her description of how she is dealing with it sounds a lot like denial. Khloe decides jumping on her trampoline and hanging out at Casa de Kris is the best way to combat an ugly divorce, that and constantly referencing how her va jay-jay is trying to swallow her itty bitty daisy dukes. Yes Khloe, we’ve all seen your camel toe. Side note: did Khloe just say Kim looks like Paula Abdul? Poor Paula, she doesn’t deserve that.
About Kim's wedding, Krisgushed, "It was so beautiful and magical – and that feeling went through every single person. It was just a love fest. It was the most wonderful time I think I've ever had and it's hard to explain that to somebody in words." Kris also revealed thatKim has changed her name to Kim Kardashian West. At least for the next 72ish days.
The sole Kardashian male (I'm not countingBruce Jenner– sorry!) has been battling his weight and all but disappeared from public life this year. Then he bailed on Kim Kardashian's massive wedding fiasco, very publicly leaving Paris the day before the nuptials took place amid reports of Kim fat shaming him. Butt, perhaps, Rob had a crystal ball that told him of the chaos.
And this is why I put little to no stock in what celebrities have to say about politics. Sure, they love to talk (and talkandtalkandtalkandtalk) about whatever candidate best fits their personal agenda or is en vogue with the A-listers of Hollywood, but do most of them even have a clue? At best, the extent of Kim Kardashian's political knowledge comes from School House Rock, at worst…well, this is pretty bad.
The reality star was shunned by the Obama campaign, and the President himself once referred to her now husbandKanye West as a "jackass." Classic Barack. Now, Kim is diving head first into local politics, backing California's 33rd District Congressional Candidate Marianne Williamson. So what has Kim contributed to the campaign? Money? Of course not! But she did write a boastful blog about a recent press event with Marianne.
Last weekend Kim Kardashian and Kanye West tied the knot in Florence, Italy. While the official wedding photos boasted a happy couple and the photo booth (seriously – isn't that a little passé?) boasted a bevy of D-list celebrity guests having fun, apparently the behind-the-scenes drama was straight out of a horror story! Despite costing an estimated $12 million dollars, guests called the event a giant "clusterf–k" and reportedly had a horrible time being part of the Kimye show.
Page Six reveals that there were tantrums (no, not from North or Mason!) from Kanye, huge wasted expenses and rudely treated guests and performers. Settle in – it's juicy!
– Miss Golden Showers needed her guests to pee in style. Kim and Kanye had a huge golden portable toilet erected (see what I did there) that was situated next to the dinner tables (klass!) and beside the dance floor. The monstrosity was so enormous – 49 feet tall – it required a crane to lift it into the walled fortress of Forti di Belvedere. "'Their toilet was the star of the show,' says a source. "The Italians named it the Torre di Bagni Oro (translation: the Gold Toilet Tower)."