“Chateau Dubrow is amazing,” said Lizzie. “I know at its completion it’s going to be magnificent. Seriously though, Heather’s closet is the size of my bedroom. That’s a whole lot of Valentino and Chanel in one place! The afternoon started out lovely. It was really fun touring the house that we have all heard so much about over the past year. Little did we know the lunch would end in fireworks? I am starting to think that Meghan really likes to be in the center of drama.”
There is so much to cover in this episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County. The drama was as fast-paced as a NASCAR race and just as laden with fiery crashes. It was hard to know where to look with all the insults speeding past. I think Heather Dubrow‘s wide-eyed, defied the effects of Botox, shocked face said it best. You know something’s big when it supersedes the glamour of a 22,000 square-foot house with its own luggage room, and a lunch menu that features “sparkle cauliflower!” (That sounds like something from the Gretchen Christine Bootay Collection).
Before all the hate comes love-ish. Vicki Gunvalson is getting into the business-side of filling love tanks and renting out her backyard for weddings, specifically the wedding of Tamra Judge‘s son Ryan. It also emerges that Vicki and Tamra attend the same church. Tamra is in chapter 2 of Bible For Dummies and is therefore ready to be baptized at the big church party. Dunking your head in a vat of wine does not count as accepting Jesus, Tamra.
Remember that time the ladies of the OC went on vacation together and it actually ended on a positive? Of course you do…it was this week’s installment! Sure there was drama when the Real Housewives of Orange County invaded Mo’orea, but it didn’t end with a screeching Tamra Judge promising never to return. Hasty words, I guess. Despite the constant tension between Shannon Beador and Meghan Edmonds (or Meghan KING Edmonds, as Shannon calls her…like she’s disciplining a child who has done something bad enough to warrant the dreaded three names), their last supper ended with laughter instead of screaming.
The women had some fun along the way, as well, with Heather Dubrow leading the charge to ignore comfort zones and keep things light. Lizzie Rovsek hasn’t quite recovered from the insanity of last year’s girls’ trip, so she tried to stay in the background and out of the squabbles. She keeps a surprisingly level head when rehashing Sunday’s show.
Shannon Beador was enjoying the beaches of Mo’orea and its tasty minibar gummie treats until Tropical Storm Meghan Edmondsand her oversized headbands blew in. After this week’s Real Housewives of Orange Countyrounded out their final days in Tahiti, Shannon admits she was ready to get home. She discusses Meghan’s apology (spoiler alert: she’s not loving it!), her friendship with Vicki Gunvalson, and – of course – the state of her marriage to David.
After surviving her “fireball” whoop-it-up night with Vicki and Tamra Judge, Shannon says she wasn’t ready to spend a hungover day with the entire gang, “let alone swimming with fish in a claustrophobic headpiece from the 1960s!” She also expresses shock at hearing Meghan’s description of hubby Jim’s 2nd ex-wife. “I have not yet commented on anything that is going on in Meghan’s life when I am not present, but I was absolutely flabbergasted that she said Jim’s second ex-wife was a ‘very unhappy person’. As a stepmother and co-parent, I think that goes way below the belt. Not nice,” scolds Shannon.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County the ladies played Bravo’s most popular game: She/said-She/Said. The winner was Meghan Edmonds, who claimed the ‘Pot Stirrer Meet Kettle’ award. Because honestly, accusing someone else of being a pot stirrer in defense of Tamra Judge is absolutely ludicrous beyond belief!
As is always the case on vacations Tamra and Vicki Gunvalson can’t keep it in their pants… their bodily functions that is. After a night of binge drinking Tamra, Vicki, and Shannon Beador are in no condition to go on an underwater excursion. As Tamra termed it she can’t stop s#*!ing herself. Can we get Tamra and Vicki some sort of potty training refresher course? Meanwhile not even the nebulizer can clear out Shannon’s brain.
Heather Dubrow, wearing DENIM CUTOFFS (it was like an alien sighting — but she looked great), barges in to try to rally them, but even her assurances that she had Depends and wipes in her Birkin couldn’t get Vicki and Shannon to come along. Tamra dragged herself aboard the bus and worked diligently not to poop her 1992 Hair Band video vixen hot pink one-piece during the boat trip.
Well, Lizzie Rosvek wasn’t pregnant (at least on the Tahiti trip) after all. Considering the build up in last week’s Real Housewives of Orange County blog, it feels like a bit of a let down! But Lizzie has more to reflect on than taking a Vicki Gunvalson-supplied EPT test, commenting this week on her business, her feelings about Mo’orea so far, and her take on Meghan Edmonds’ statements about mothering her step children.
Lizzie updates us on Sun Kitten, her swimwear line first: “I’m gearing up for a big week with Sun Kitten. We are shooting the 2016 campaign tomorrow in Newport Beach. I’m very excited about the new collection and I can’t wait to share it with all of you.” But let’s move on to Tahiti, shall we? Thankfully, Lizzie shares, “I finally received my luggage and it felt so good to put fresh clothes on after two days.”
“I have watched this episode a few times and laughed so hard all weekend!” begins Shannon. “I have to say that our second day in Mo’orea was one of the most fun ‘girl days’ I have ever had!!!” Although things didn’t start off so rosy, given that Shannon began the trip sick, and broke her nebulizer. “My nebulizer blew up and I had to rent a Tahitian one that I couldn’t figure out how to use! I had sinus surgery years ago and now the drainage goes to my lungs — I cough every day and it is a nightmare! I hate using a nebulizer!!!”
The Real Housewives Of Orange County are in Tahiti, which means Meghan Edmonds is dishing out lectures on how to behave all cultured and classy-ish while Tamra Judge is desperate to show off her new jugs with some topless swimming. When not in America be like the French! Thank goodness Governess Heather Dubrow was supervising this trip to keep these bitches in line. Heather is demanding a raise – she has diamond-studded Champs Doorbells to buy!
First things first, the group boards a ferry to get to their final destination: Moorea. Like any good horror movie it starts with the heroine getting the feeling that something is wrong…. Vicki Gunvalson‘s suspicions grew in proportion to Meghan’s hair soufflé, which expanded like a Chia Pet … getting pouffier and pouffier… meanwhile Vicki was feeling pukier and pukier – even her dry heaves sound like whoo hoos.