Real Housewives of New York Recap

Luann confronts Tom

Like most people watching Real Housewives Of New York I want to be happy for Luann de Lesseps, but yeah… Tom is a rat and Luann’s delusion will do her no favors. Also, Bethenny Frankel‘s over-the-top emotions rang as faulty as Luann’s insistence that her love with Tom is butter, not margarine. 

I still think Bethenny had to tell Luann, but I think the way Bethenny did it was calculating and nefarious. I still think Luann is an idiot for putting her heart and dignity on the line for an odious schmuck like Tom, who doesn’t even have the decency to do his bad deeds in secret like every other cheating spouse of a Real Housewife. Even Mario had more discretion – he at least chose some other-rate fitness emporium unfancy enough to meet the demands of Ramona Singer‘s hubris!

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Real Housewives of New York recap

To tell or not to tell? To reveal a deeply humiliating personal secret on Real Housewives Of New York or to be forced into having a deeply humiliating personal secret revealed about yourself? These are the quandaries a lady of Bravo faces as Luann de Lesseps was made to reconcile with both the ghosts of her past and the ghost of her future thanks to a so-called benevolent Bethenny Frankel

Bethenny is beside herself that Luann has the audacity to be so outrageously happy over a man she’s known for two minutes. Which is sort of hilarious considering that Bethenny got knocked up approximately 5 days after meeting Jason Hoppy then shoved him down the aisle 5 months later!

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Even though I have to, I don’t really want to discuss the ruminating super drama between Bethenny Frankel and Luann de Lesseps. Instead I’d like to focus on the positive and give a prodigious shout-out to Sonja Tremont Morgan, a lady who has turned over a new leaf and out flew a butterfly. Hats off – designer hats with no repairs, that is – to Sonja for being Real Housewives Of New York‘s class-act last night!

The ladies are all yachting around while talking in circles about Tom. Tom-T-Tom-Tom-TOOOM. Poor Sonja has a harness on her dress to holster in her heart nice and tight. But that thing looks uncomfortable and like her boobs were begging for as much mercy as her poor little broken pitter-patter. Sonja admits to Carole Radziwill and Ramona Singer that, well, maybe she’s a little nervous about seeing Tom because well, maybe, she had deeper feelings for him than she let on, and well, Luann is just not really interested in addressing this. Furthermore, Sonja had no idea that Lu knew she and Tom were a thing. 

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of New York headed to Miami. No one was very happy about it except for Luann de Lesseps who is eager for the opportunity to show off her amazing, transformational, earth shattering, soul mating love – again. Yes, I think the operative word is “mating”. With other Housewives that is! Which begs the question: are three Housewives better than one?

Since Bethenny Frankel‘s fibroids are acting up again, she couldn’t go to Hawaii, which means the entire trip must be canceled. That is some amazing Twatmatizing!

I understand why Bethenny doesn’t want to go, since sharks smell blood, but why can’t the other ladies go as planned? Bethenny can remain in NYC, get her surgery, and then launch Skinnygirl Tampons or something. We all know she doesn’t want to go, and none of the other women actually want her to go – except for maybe Carole Radziwill, who seems to have more fun sans Beth. Beth On/Beth Off – and Mr. Miyagi says you control your own destiny, Carole

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Well, Luann de Lesseps is flashing the rocks that she got all over Real Housewives Of New York, and try as they may, try as they might, some of these women can’t bite back their bitterness. Awwww! What was it Carole Radziwill said? “These are my friends!” 

Ramona Singer is hosting all the ladies at Mohegan Sun, because everyone needs a little RHONJ in their lives! Since this is a Tru-ReRamona’d, she will not fight over rooms. No more shrieking and streaking through the house, slamming down curling irons to declare her turf. Instead, as the hostess, Ramona simply claimed the best suite and makes everyone else ‘draw cards’ to choose a room. Naturally, Carole and Bethenny Frankel are exempt because they prefer to share. Two monstrous heads are better than one, when it comes to attacking prey, that is!

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Jules

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of New York left a big question mark over my head. Am I stupid is as stupid does? Because why exactly is Bethenny Frankel so angry at Jules Wainstein? Actually, angry isn’t the world, “spooked” is. And what exactly did Bravo NOT show us that is so pertinent to what caused this explosion? Color me three shades of ‘Bethenny lost 10% of her blood’ pale. 

So how ’bout that Luann de Lesseps, huh? Come hell or high water (actually come hell or sleeping with half her friends) Tom is her man. Devotion, the Upper East Side way. After Sonja Morgan regaled everyone with her admission of schtupping Tom, and Luann denounced them all as “bitches” (which if the shoe fits…), she storms out. On her way out the door she’s accosted by Jules and Dorinda Medley. 

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Ramona & Luann

On last night’s Real Housewives Of New York, the woes of thy vagina continued. Also Luann de Lesseps wonders why these bitches won’t be happy that she’s madly in love! It seems Luann answered her own question there, and the operative word is “bitches” – those bitches can’t be happy for her, because they’re bitches.  OK, OK… that’s not entirely true, and more on this later… I know you cannot wait for my rambling musings on the many contrary behaviors of Housewives. 

But first, Bethenny Frankel has taken a break from randomly bleeding all over Manhattan to launch Skinnygirl Chocolate. She decides to “go bold” by wearing a bright red wig, which considering what’s going on south of Bethenny’s equator, I dunno… maybe a little too close for comfort? Or maybe Bethenny wanted the drapes to match the curtains?

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Luann is done groveling

Other than the Bloody Vagina portions of the show, I loved last night’s Real Housewives Of New York. There was just the right mixture of drama and suspense, coupled with heart-felt friendship moments. WHAT WOULD RHONY DO WITHOUT DORINDA MEDLEY?! She is everyone’s friend in a meaningful way, never fake, and truly takes time to help these women without judgement. All Housewives shows need a Dorinda! In other happenings, Luann de Lesseps emancipated herself from trying to get into anyone’s good graces – she’s getting married and she don’t give a damn, so “F–k these bitches!” You heard it: Straight from the Countess’ mouth. 

While Bethenny Frankel was preoccupied by bleeding about the groins, the other ladies were empowering their ovaries and realizing…screw this Bethenny Controlled Dictatorship – it’s mutiny time. Rise Up! They’ll go on their OWN trip. They’ll seize the sails and steer this ship in a new direction. The Countess went rogue and she don’t care about Carole RadziVille (said vaudville style). 

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