Real Housewives of New York Recap

Real Housewives of New York recap

Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of New York headed to Miami. No one was very happy about it except for Luann de Lesseps who is eager for the opportunity to show off her amazing, transformational, earth shattering, soul mating love – again. Yes, I think the operative word is “mating”. With other Housewives that is! Which begs the question: are three Housewives better than one?

Since Bethenny Frankel‘s fibroids are acting up again, she couldn’t go to Hawaii, which means the entire trip must be canceled. That is some amazing Twatmatizing!

I understand why Bethenny doesn’t want to go, since sharks smell blood, but why can’t the other ladies go as planned? Bethenny can remain in NYC, get her surgery, and then launch Skinnygirl Tampons or something. We all know she doesn’t want to go, and none of the other women actually want her to go – except for maybe Carole Radziwill, who seems to have more fun sans Beth. Beth On/Beth Off – and Mr. Miyagi says you control your own destiny, Carole

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Well, Luann de Lesseps is flashing the rocks that she got all over Real Housewives Of New York, and try as they may, try as they might, some of these women can’t bite back their bitterness. Awwww! What was it Carole Radziwill said? “These are my friends!” 

Ramona Singer is hosting all the ladies at Mohegan Sun, because everyone needs a little RHONJ in their lives! Since this is a Tru-ReRamona’d, she will not fight over rooms. No more shrieking and streaking through the house, slamming down curling irons to declare her turf. Instead, as the hostess, Ramona simply claimed the best suite and makes everyone else ‘draw cards’ to choose a room. Naturally, Carole and Bethenny Frankel are exempt because they prefer to share. Two monstrous heads are better than one, when it comes to attacking prey, that is!

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Jules

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of New York left a big question mark over my head. Am I stupid is as stupid does? Because why exactly is Bethenny Frankel so angry at Jules Wainstein? Actually, angry isn’t the world, “spooked” is. And what exactly did Bravo NOT show us that is so pertinent to what caused this explosion? Color me three shades of ‘Bethenny lost 10% of her blood’ pale. 

So how ’bout that Luann de Lesseps, huh? Come hell or high water (actually come hell or sleeping with half her friends) Tom is her man. Devotion, the Upper East Side way. After Sonja Morgan regaled everyone with her admission of schtupping Tom, and Luann denounced them all as “bitches” (which if the shoe fits…), she storms out. On her way out the door she’s accosted by Jules and Dorinda Medley. 

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Ramona & Luann

On last night’s Real Housewives Of New York, the woes of thy vagina continued. Also Luann de Lesseps wonders why these bitches won’t be happy that she’s madly in love! It seems Luann answered her own question there, and the operative word is “bitches” – those bitches can’t be happy for her, because they’re bitches.  OK, OK… that’s not entirely true, and more on this later… I know you cannot wait for my rambling musings on the many contrary behaviors of Housewives. 

But first, Bethenny Frankel has taken a break from randomly bleeding all over Manhattan to launch Skinnygirl Chocolate. She decides to “go bold” by wearing a bright red wig, which considering what’s going on south of Bethenny’s equator, I dunno… maybe a little too close for comfort? Or maybe Bethenny wanted the drapes to match the curtains?

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Luann is done groveling

Other than the Bloody Vagina portions of the show, I loved last night’s Real Housewives Of New York. There was just the right mixture of drama and suspense, coupled with heart-felt friendship moments. WHAT WOULD RHONY DO WITHOUT DORINDA MEDLEY?! She is everyone’s friend in a meaningful way, never fake, and truly takes time to help these women without judgement. All Housewives shows need a Dorinda! In other happenings, Luann de Lesseps emancipated herself from trying to get into anyone’s good graces – she’s getting married and she don’t give a damn, so “F–k these bitches!” You heard it: Straight from the Countess’ mouth. 

While Bethenny Frankel was preoccupied by bleeding about the groins, the other ladies were empowering their ovaries and realizing…screw this Bethenny Controlled Dictatorship – it’s mutiny time. Rise Up! They’ll go on their OWN trip. They’ll seize the sails and steer this ship in a new direction. The Countess went rogue and she don’t care about Carole RadziVille (said vaudville style). 

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Carole with her dog

On last night’s Real Housewives Of New York, the subject on everyone’s lips was blood and Luann de Lesseps. Does Luann have blood on her hands for ruining the group in her refusal to play the role of Bethenny Frankel‘s sycophant? Well, it appears none of that matters quite so much in the wake of Bethenny‘s health issue.

I don’t even think Luann made an appearance last night, but she was revived with her own ‘Before They Were Housewives’ special which aired after the show and my has she had quite a fascinating life.

Anyway, unfortunately, both Bethenny and Jules Wainstein spent their off-hours at Lenox Hill Hospital getting their vaginal areas investigated and mended. More on that later…

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Luann

Oh Real Housewives Of New York – you never cease to amaze me. Last night’s episode shone a rather frantic light on the very temporary nature of life as a Housewife. 

First up Sonja Morgan has an intern she believes is her twin. This intern has Sonja’s nose, but Luann de Lesseps‘ voice and it’s all together confusing. That poor girl – Alex – upon realizing her predicament was shocked. In Sonja’s kitchen Luann lectures her about making amends with Bethenny Frankel, but Sonja is not inclined. She’s not going to grovel at the feet of the self-proclaimed Queen B, who is schtupping other women’s husbands and channeling the burden of her hypocrisy by having hysterical projecting meltdowns on Luann. Or at least I think that’s what happened between Bethenny and Luann during the Berkshires Bonanza. Which sounds like a recipe. Maybe Adam and Carole Radziwill can put it in their cookbook?! I give it a “Radish Rating” of 9. 

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Bethenny and Carole argue with Luann

Yeah, I’m just gonna admit it – I didn’t want to write this Real Housewives Of New York recap. I had to rally and force myself, because last night was just so icky, fake, mean, desperate, and scheming. I wish for Carole Radziwill and Bethenny Frankel to take a good, hard, long inventory of their lives before they judge one more person.  That display last night was, again, all kinds of hypocrisy and person-shaming, and lady bashing. I don’t care how much they boast about how it was one of the greatest episodes of all time – it wasn’t, in my opinion. So it’s round two of Get Crass With The Countess. 

I don’t think Luann is any sort of innocent – she is annoyingly self-righteous, her jumpsuit was sinfully ugly, and I was pissed that she turned supplicant by apologizing to Bethenny after Bethenny’s barrage of insults. Also, I do think Luann likes to shift around the truth of things – like her relationship with Tom – but I don’t think anyone deserves the sort of treatment Bethenny dished out and I think Luann more than held her own in a calm manner, which impressed me. 

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