Real Housewives of New York Season 14, Episode 11 Recap: Erin Can Never Say She’s Sorry

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Previously, on the Real Housewives of New York, all the ladies were on a girls’ trip in Anguilla. Brynn Whitfield has been flirting mercilessly with Jenna Lyons, and Ubah Hassan pushed Erin Lichy into the pool. In retaliation, Erin hid Ubah’s phone from her, causing a major disagreement. When last we left them, Ubah snatched Erin’s sunglasses off of her face, while Erin was going all Will Smith, telling Ubah, “Stop saying my name.” Meanwhile, the rest of the women are trying to separate the two before – God forbid – they come to blows.

The fight continues

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“That’s not okay to scream in someone’s face like that,” Erin says, wiping away tears. Um, I didn’t see Ubah screaming, Erin. There was no screaming. Dial it back a bit. This is just payback for the phone. Ubah’s angry, but she wasn’t screaming. And you started it when you were all pissy over her saying her name. You provoked this.

Finally, the ladies all pile into multi-colored golf carts for a fun day out. They’re going on a rum tour!

“I don’t even have sunglasses,” Erin whines. Jenna offers to go get her sunglasses, which are still doing penance with Ubah. It was childish of Ubah to take Erin’s shades, but it was equally childish for Erin to hide Ubah’s phone.

Jenna approaches Ubah and asks, “Can I just have [Erin’s] sunglasses back?”

“No,” Ubah says. “Absolutely not. 45 minutes.” Ubah’s bringing new meaning to the words “Ubah Hot.”

Sitting in the seat behind Ubah, Brynn tries to talk her down. “Here’s the point where I think it goes wrong sometimes,” she says. “You actually … have a valid point. But when you yell, you lose.” I didn’t hear any yelling. Ubah was speaking firmly and loudly, but it didn’t really seem like yelling to me.

“But when you [are] real,” Ubah responds, “you cannot [be] fake.”

“I travel quite a bit,” the Somali model interviews. “The deal that my family and I have made, every morning … and every night, I have to check in, that I’m safe [and] I’m okay.” Ubah’s family has been through a lot, and they worry about her safety. It’s understandable. Maybe she should just explain that to Erin. Perhaps then, Erin would understand why taking Ubah’s phone was such a trigger for her.

Rum tasting on the beach

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First stop: Elvis’ Beach Bar, where they sample homemade (moonshine) rum. They meet Elvis (he’s alive!), who owns the place and makes all the rum. It’s a big hit, even though Elvis accidentally overlooks Jessel Taank when he’s serving everyone. This seems to be a theme.

Sai De Silva asks if she can bartend, and Elvis says, “Sure, come behind.” He’s very laidback and friendly. That is, until Sai gets behind the bar and yells, “Free shots for everyone!”

“Noooo!” he can be heard yelling in the background. Come on, Sai. Be nice to the man. This is his business.

“Sorry,” she immediately retracts. “I don’t want to bankrupt Elvis here.”

Sai’s had experience behind the bar, saying she bartended for 10 years in her 20s. “It was the time of my life,” she says, impressing the ladies with her pouring skills.

Finally, the alarm goes off and it’s time for Ubah to return Erin’s sunglasses. “They need to touch someone else’s hands before they come back to me,” she says. Really, Erin? Who’s being petty now? Looking at Ubah, she says, “Instead of getting so mad, just talk to me like a normal friend.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Ubah responds. “I’m not your kid.”

Brynn tries to negotiate peace between the two friends, but they’re not ready. “May I remind you,” she says, “you guys are actually very close friends. You’re both hurt … [but] you’re friends.”

“I have got her back… ” begins Ubah.

“By calling me a spoiled brat?” Erin interrupts.

“You are,” Ubah admits. I agree.

When Ubah brings up that Erin called Brynn a “social climber,” Erin feels attacked. “I’m going back to the villa,” she says. “Bye!” Jenna goes with her.

Erin goes into a pout, while the rest have some fun

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Back at the bar, Sai is reading Ubah the Riot Act. “You cannot lash out at people and call them names,” she says. In an interview, Sai continues, “I’m trying to play referee here, but Ubah is just someone you don’t mess with. Once you make Ubah hot, there’s really no turning her off.”

Not finding another bar nearby, Erin and Jenna decide to return to Elvis’ and just sit far away from the rest of the group. But they can still hear Ubah and the others discussing the sunglasses. Erin’s annoyed they’re still talking about her.

“If someone yelled at me,” Jenna says, “standing over me and ripping my sunglasses off my head, I would be upset. I can see Erin’s visibly upset. And Ubah’s relentless.” Let’s not make out Erin to be such a victim here, Jenna. She provoked the situation by first of all hiding Ubah’s phone (has she apologized for that yet?). And then by telling Ubah to “stop saying my name.” That was overly dramatic and unnecessarily aggressive.

The others move on to the limbo bar. “I really have no respect for any of them anymore,” Erin pouts. “I can’t believe no one, except for Jenna, has come over to see how I’m doing. They’re just like going along with the fun.”

Sai pushes for peace

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Next stop, Rosie’s Bayside Grill. “Let’s go!” Sai yells. “I’m hungry!” When is Sai not hungry? I kind of love that about her. Sai’s all about a good snack.

But now Sai is all about negotiating a ceasefire. “I wish that we could all just resolve this in some way,” she tells Ubah.

“We can resolve this,” Ubah responds, “when people stop being liars and abusive.”

“Okay, you’re abusive, and [Erin] lied,” Sai says.

Jessel brings up the other day when Erin questioned Jenna’s story about why she flew down to Anguilla the day before everybody else. Erin implied that Jenna just wanted to fly first class and not be jammed into coach with the common people.

In addition, Jessel reminded them that Erin had said her uncle, who she lived with when she first came to New York, was super rich when she never said that. There’s a pattern here, and it involves Erin and her big spoon.

“Guys, it’s our last night,” Sai implores them. “I just want to have fun.”

“I’m not taking one thing back,” Ubah replies.

“Let’s just order some food,” Sai urges. “I ordered a rum punch, and then I would like to move on.”

Ubah’s not done yet

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“But here’s the thing, you American people,” Ubah says. “Even if someone put a [unintelligible] in your ass, you’re like [weak, whiny voice], ‘It’s okay, please keep moving. I don’t want trouble.’ Why are you putting a [unintelligible] in my ass? What did I do to you?”

“Still going, going, going,” Erin interviews. “I need to get off the roller coaster. F*ck you, Ubah.” Still accepting no responsibility whatsoever. Ubah didn’t start this by herself, Erin. You had a part in it. Just say you’re sorry, and she probably will, too.

Rather than trying to make peace with Ubah, Erin chooses to take her toys and go home. Hasn’t she done this before? At the wreath-making party. I try to like Erin, but she makes it hard when she refuses to meet people halfway. I’m not saying Ubah’s 100% right, but Erin refuses to be even a teeny bit wrong. You can’t negotiate peace when one party won’t bend.

“I hope you all have a wonderful lunch,” Erin tells the group. “I’m going back. It’s fine, I’ve got a car. I’m not doing this.”

After Erin’s dramatic exit, Sai urges everyone to be positive. Everyone will feel better once they get some food in them.

The stereotype of the “angry black woman”

“I am so done with this narrative [that] Black women are angry,” Ubah says. “We are passionate, we don’t take sh*t, and we’re not fake.”

“Ubah’s right,” Sai admits in an interview. “When Black women get upset, people take it upon themselves to think that it’s this ‘angry Black woman’ mentality when you’re just showing emotion, just like every other woman. However, I just don’t think it plays out in this situation.”

Doesn’t it, though, Sai? Aren’t both Erin and Jenna intimidated by Ubah’s temper?

“We have done all the yelling we can possibly do,” Sai interviews. “Let’s put it to rest, and let’s move on.”

“I wish we flew private,” Ubah says. “‘Cause I would just call the pilot and leave.”

“I took a dinghy,” Jessel says. She pretends she flagged down a fishing boat, “Hey, guys! Are you busy today?” Good way to lighten the mood, Jessel. They all agree that Jessel is funny.

“I don’t expect it sometimes,” Sai says. “You are a little bit of a space cadet … but you are a very sweet person.”

“I’ll take whatever I can get with you people,” Jessel answers, adding, “And the most loyal person. You tell me something, I’m never going to f*cking throw you under the bus.”

Brynn reveals a new side of herself

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Brynn has a big personality. She’s “on” almost all the time. She tells the other ladies at lunch that she learned at a very young age that the way to get attention was just to be “Brynn.” She’s actually quite intelligent and started college as a pre-med major. She wanted to be a doctor.

In the second semester of her junior year, she failed Organic Chemistry and had a breakdown. After that, she changed her major to Public Relations. Now she gets paid “really well” to do 10 hours of work a week. Where do I sign up? She says she’s really, really good at her job.

Brynn’s grandmother raised her. Brynn says her “Mimi” wasn’t perfect, but she was amazing. Brynn obviously loved her very much, as she gets teary when Sai asks about her grandma.

“She was the best,” the PR consultant says. “Mimi is a massive influence, not just on who I am today, but [on] everything … She wanted the world for me.”

“Can I say something?” Jessel interjects. “She would have been so proud of you,” That was really kind, and Brynn tears up even more.

“We love you, Brynn,” Sai says. “You have a new family.”

“Yay!” Brynn responds, then points at Erin’s empty chair, “One’s missing.”

Erin calls her dad for comfort

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Back at the villa, Erin calls her dad on the phone. As soon as she hears his voice, she breaks down in tears. Our parents can always do that, can’t they? We know they hurt when we hurt.

While explaining the situation with Ubah, she tells her dad that she pranked Ubah by taking her phone, but “within two minutes, she had her phone.” That’s not true, Erin. The last time I heard it, it was 45 minutes, and you let her and Jessel search for it before Sai told her you had it.

Her dad advises her to let it go. If Ubah comes to her, just let her talk and listen. Good advice, even though he didn’t get the whole story. I wish he’d told her to make peace and accept any responsibility she may have had in the matter. It’s not as one-sided a situation as she’s making it out to be.

“I feel like I’m back in seventh grade,” Erin interviews. “Seventh grade was a really hard year for me. I was bullied … and it felt like that. She was so f*cking mean.” And what were you when you were demanding she “stop saying my name?” Ubah had actually calmed down by then, but you stirred it up again with that bit of bitchiness. You’re not the victim here, Erin.

Ubah apologizes to the ladies

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Over at Rosie’s Grill, Ubah offers a mea culpa to the rest of the women. “I want to apologize,” she tells them “for being the cause of [the situation] with Erin. I love her and I’m sure she loves me – even though she hates me [right now]. But I hate her, too.”

“I’m here, I’m on your team, I’m your friend,” Brynn responds. “You’re actually, probably 97% of the time you’re right. But listen to me and don’t get angry at me, I’m on your team. You’ve got to deliver a message the way that you send it.” Huh, what? “You lose when you send it that way. That’s all I’m saying.”

“But I’m telling you who I am,” Ubah insists. “I’m gonna be 80 years old taking people’s sunglasses.” So she apologized but she wouldn’t do anything differently. Okay then. Maybe Erin should have taken off her sunglasses before getting so confrontational. Ubah likes to see your eyes when you’re talking to her.

Jessel keeps a list

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Unlike Jessel, Brynn’s not afraid to throw her friend under the bus. Riding back to the house together, Brynn leans around to Jessel in the back seat. “Here’s an interesting thing about Erin,” she says. “She talks mad sh*t about you. That you’re just, like, the dum dum of the whole group.” Really, Brynn? Did you borrow Erin’s spoon?

“Who is she to f*cking make that judgment?” Jessel asks. “I don’t get f*cking angry? I’m f*cking pissed.”

“Listen,” the fashion publicist adds, “I’ve been playing nice in the sandpit. There have been things that have been building up, that I have literally said nothing about. I let it f*cking go. Now it’s too much.”

Brynn says that Erin actually believes that Jessel has a trust fund and comes from money. She adds, “She thinks you’ve been lying to us the whole time, and you were just trying to equate our stories.”

At that point in the conversation, Jessel reveals that she keeps a list of grievances about those who have wronged her and whips out her phone. Jessel’s list goes back to the very beginning of the show. It’s a long list.

“When someone rubs me the wrong way,” Jessel says, “I start making a checklist. If you rub me the wrong way once, it’s mental. Twice, it’s on my phone. You don’t want to be a f*cking Persian rug to be on the floor for everyone to walk over.”

Jessel’s list is “longer than a CVS receipt,” says Brynn. Those suckers are long. You buy one item, and the receipt is three feet long. What’s up with that?

Ubah’s apology tour

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When the ladies return to the house, the first thing Ubah does is apologize to the villa staff. “Hi, guys!” she yells, as she comes in. “I want to apologize for how I left the house. But everything is good.”

Before she can do anything else, Erin summons her from the back patio, “Ubah, come.” That was a little short. I feel like Ubah’s being called to the principal’s office. “Just come here and sit down with me.”

“Say it nice,” Ubah requests.

Erin amends her invitation to, “Ubah, can you please come sit down with me?” Better, but the attitude is still wounded and pissy.

“From growing up with four siblings, I’ve learned that sometimes you just need to step away and then come back into something,” Erin interviews. “I’m ready to stay calm and resolve the situation, for the sake of our trip.” And for the sake of your friendship, too, I hope.

When Erin starts to speak, Ubah asks, “Can we actually take sunglasses off?” Have you learned nothing, Erin? But she takes them off, explaining that she’s wearing them because she was crying. Poor Erin. Boo hoo.

“I want to talk to you because I love you,” Erin continues, “and that’s why I’m so hurt.”

“Do you think I love you?” Ubah asks.

“I think you do, but the way you treated me today was shocking,” Erin says, totally forgetting about the way she treated Ubah.

“You have the right to feel that way,” Ubah concedes. But the conversation goes downhill quickly from there. As Brynn and Sai eavesdrop from the balcony, Erin accuses Ubah of speaking condescendingly to her. Ubah calls Erin a liar, and off we go.

“I can’t look at you,” Erin says.

Ubah loses her phone again

“You don’t understand why I feel this way,” Ubah finally says. “I want to show you something.” But once again, Ubah can’t find her phone.

“Maybe someone’s playing a prank on you,” Erin snarks.

When she can’t find her phone, Ubah simply says, “I have to report to my family where I am.”

“I wouldn’t have kept it all night,” Erin says. “Do you think I took your phone to hurt you?”

“Let not talk right now,” Ubah says, distracted by her missing phone. When Erin objects to waiting for Ubah, the hot sauce founder says, “We can do later.”

Erin wants to settle things now, rather than later. “I don’t have all day,” she says. But Ubah can’t focus until she finds her phone and won’t be pressured. “The conversation’s over then. We’re done,” Ubah says. That went well.

Brynn comes to the rescue and eventually finds Ubah’s phone in the golf cart she was riding in earlier. “OMG!” she exclaims happily, running into the house to return the phone.

Meltdown in the hot tub time machine

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“As I’m in this hot tub time machine,” Brynn observes, “I’m realizing that these accusations … there’s no accountability. [Erin] doesn’t hold herself accountable. We don’t hold her accountable.” No one is blameless. Ubah and Erin both had a part in the argument, It wasn’t just one person’s fault. I’m starting to think that Erin is the one used to “being catered to,” rather than Jessel.

“‘Own up to your sh*t! Own up to your sh*t!’ is all I f*cking hear from you,” Jessel tells Erin. “And guess what? You’ve not apologized once. To anyone here.” THANK YOU, JESSEL!

“She’s just that person, who calls people…” Ubah starts.

“Shut UP!” Erin screams at her. “Shut your f*cking mouth. You’re such a bitch.” Uh oh. I understand you’re frustrated, Erin, but that’s not okay. My mother slapped me once for saying that to my brother. It’s super rude.

“No, you are a bitch!” Ubah responds. It’s gonna be a long hike back from this cliff. “You know why she’s doing this to me? She doesn’t want to get caught that she’s a liar.”

“Erin’s not a liar,” Sai interviews, “but she tends to start a lot of sh*t. There’s a common denominator when everyone is mad at you.”

“A liar about what?” Erin asks.

“Everything!” Ubah tells her. “You are a sh*t stirrer.”

Erin calls Ubah an “abuser”

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“I’m getting tired of this,” Erin says. “It’s going too far now. [Ubah’s] abusing me and you guys are like…”

“I abuse you?” Ubah asks, pretending shock.

“Yeah, you’re abusing me,” Erin replies. “You’re abusive. What do you want from me? I took your phone as a joke. Are you trying to get everyone against me?”

“I think Erin’s a f*cking liar for sure,” Brynn says quietly to Sai. “But I think she’s breaking down, and I don’t want her to break down.”

And with that, Erin starts sobbing, and everybody rushes to hug her. Still no accountability. Look how far she’ll go to avoid accepting her part in the problem. I got some heat last week for being hard on Erin, but she just isn’t honest with any of them or herself. No one is blameless.

“It’s too much,” she cries. “Just stop.”

“I love Erin … and I will always love Erin,” Ubah interviews. “But you’ve gotta hold yourself accountable. Just be responsible. That’s it.”

Finally, Erin tells Ubah, “Could we go talk some more? I want to have a real conversation.” Hallelujah!

Erin and Ubah have a sitdown

“Let me start by saying I love you,” Ubah begins. “People don’t trigger me until you mean something to me. I really care about you.”

“If I didn’t care about you, do you think I’d be like this?” Erin sobs. “Like, I’m scared to be friends with you … You called me so many names.”

“I take that back,” Ubah volunteers. “All of it.”

“You said a lot of things about me today,” Erin continues. “I talk sh*t about everyone. I’m this horrible person.”

“The lying thing is bullsh*t,” Ubah says. “That you talk sh*t about people is not bullsh*t. You know you do.”

“You don’t talk sh*t?” the real estate broker asked.

“I do, but I admit it,” Ubah confesses. There’s the difference.

“This is the dumbest thing ever,” Erin finally says. “I wish it didn’t happen.”

“I wish that, too,” Ubah says. “And I’m sorry for taking your glasses off your face.” So Ubah apologized. But where’s Ubah’s apology from Erin? Erin still can’t say she’s sorry?

Finally, Erin offers a weak, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m glad this phone frenzy is over and we can move on.” Me, too! Erin promises to never play another prank on Ubah again. She still doesn’t understand why Ubah was so upset, which is sad to me. Is it a lack of empathy? Who knows.

Okay, I’m just gonna say it. Everyone tried to hold Erin accountable, but rather than admit any blame on her part, she burst into tears, and everyone felt bad for her. Oldest trick in the book. I learned that one when I was five years old.

Still a victim

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Jenna checks in with Erin to make sure the fight’s over before she goes down to dinner. “They all ganged up on me in the hot tub,” Erin tells her. “So intensely, that I feel that’s how you felt the other night.” That was when Erin stirred up the idea that Jenna didn’t fly with them because she wanted to go first class. Once again, an Erin-instigated incident.

Real Housewives of New York continues Sundays at 9/8c on Bravo.