If you have ever wondered what happened to your favorite couples, or the biggest train wreck couples, from Couples Therapy, then I have good news for you! VH1 recently announced that a Couples Therapy reunion is in the works!
“Couples Therapy is taping a special 5-season All-Star Reunion, featuring appearances by some of the most memorable couples from the entire history of the series LIVE onstage before a studio audience,” revealed VH1. “Dr. Jenn Berman will serve as host and moderator for this hi-octane reunion, showing highlights of all the most memorable moments from the series and finding out what has happened with everyone since their experience in Couples Therapy. It will be explosive, entertaining, and a night to remember!”
Liz and Taylor are shocked. "That's part of my repertoire," announces Taylor. Lovely. "I'm an expert," says Liz who decimated Jon in an earlier episode for "beating off". Hypocrite much?
The next day Liz and Jon have a little gift for Kelsey – it's her very first vibrator! Surprisingly it did not come fromFarrah Abraham's line of sex toys. She wasn't passing out goody bags?! Oh but wait – she was forced to make those vaj-molds and videotape herself doing it! Cause we all want a keek of Farrah's crotchal region covered in plaster! I don't know what's a grosser vibrator association: Jon or Farrah.
Moving on, Taylor is struggling with parenting. "I don't parent," she slurs at the camera before course correcting to explain she doesn't set boundaries. #FreudianSlip Kennedy comes to the house the next day for some quality time with this woman who people say is her mom. Taylor greets Kennedy with villainous laugh that lasts about 5 minutes. In return, Kennedy shoots Taylor dirty looks that could melt a lip-plant.
Last night on Couples Therapy, Dr. Jenn Berman and Dr. Mike Dow asked the four couples and one lone bird to "let out their past demons" by destroying a house. And the Couples Therapy Award for Disturbing Anger Issues goes to Jon Gosselin. This guy need serious help with anger management. Like, real therapy, not made for reality TV therapy.
Whitney says she tries to be sensitive to Sada's needs, but she wishes Sada would speak up if she's missing the mark. Sada says she knows Whitney's not a mind reader. However, she follows that with, but communication is reading your partner's cues and emotions. Oh Sada. Is there any hope for her? On a positive note, she does understand that she projects her issues onto Whitney.
Out of the blue, Farrah Abraham crawls into bed withTaylor Armstrong and John Bluher for a "bed shot" picture. You can take the girl out of the porn, but you can't take the porn out of the girl. Taylor plays along despite the fact that she hatesFarrah's guts. Because, cameras!
Picking up where we left off, Sada and Taylor talking to Jon Gosselin and Liz Jennetta about how bitchy Liz is to Jon. Surprisingly Liz takes it well and listens to what Sada says and Taylor slurs.
The next day, Dr. Jenn talks to Jon alone because she feels his relationship is doomed if he doesn't start to demand respect from Liz. Jon truly believe Liz loves him. Then, he says he dated a lot of women and felt the best connection with Liz, and I stare at my TV in disbelief. Who are these women who want to date Jon Gosselin?!? Seriously! Dr. Jenn wishes Jon luck, adding, "You need to come from a place of strength, not a place of woundedness."
Last night's Couples Therapy went like – Ghostface Killah went to the booty market, Kelsey Nykole stayed at home. Taylor Armstrong had fillers and vodka, Farrah Abraham had fillers and rum. And Jon Gosselin went boo hoo hoo all the way home. Only, the end is only wishful thinking on my part. Jon boohooed but never went home. Because, paycheck. The dude needs money to pay child support buy hair gel and smokes.
From last week, Kelsey just stormed out of a therapy session she was sharing with Ghost and Latrice. So Taylor sniffs out the drama and follows Kelsey because the delusional fruitcake seems to think she's one of the therapists. Dr. Jenn Berman, who isn't much better than Taylor, appears and reminds Kelsey that she doesn't need crumbs of Ghost's love. Kelsey says she's done with him but wants to apologize to Latrice.
Kelsey doesn't have any reason to apologize, in my opinion, but she has more class and empathy in one of her hair folds than Ghost has in his entire body. She tells Latrice that she wouldn't have let Ghost into her world had she known she was his side piece, adding, "Not sure what Ghost has told you, but we was developing something." A devastated Latrice wonders if she will be able to trust Ghost after this. Huh? Really, girl?
Last night on Couples Therapy the brilliant professionalism that is Dr. Jenn Berman explored *gasp* secrets. Secrets soooo big, and soooo deep, and soooo like secrety that the cameras had to be turned off on Farrah Abraham so Farrah could secret in secret. And also scrunch up her face while stage whispering, aka cry.
Other than that, Ghostface's secret girlfriend Latrice came to the house to discover that Ghost also has a secret girlfriend named Kelsey. In the world of Ghost this is just how he gets his mack on, in the world of the rest of us, Ghost should just give up the ghost and accept that he's a middle-aged man with a midlife crisis. Oh, did I say that out loud? Cause I wish Dr. Jenn would have! Basically what I'm saying here is that last night's Couples Therapy was about one singular sensation who no one would ever date and one menage-a-trois dysfunctional relationship. So like where the couples at?
No one likes Farrah.I mean of course not – she makes condescending snarky comments to everyone, walks around with her fake nose in the air, and acts like it's all their faults she's a liar. Also everyone sees through her. Taylor Armstrong slurs that the "floral skirts with ballet flats aren't fooling me." Exactly how is Taylor getting sloshed every night "therapeutic"?
Oh Couples Therapy – Whew! Where does a girl begin breaking down this mess? I mean, I need therapy after watching it, but real therapy not of the Dr. Jenn Berman 'lemme stroke your F-list ego' variety.
Taylor Armstrong rendered me paralyzed by laughter for a full 10 minutes while I watched her epic meltdown over "pea green towels" and the lack of acceptable lattes at the mansion. And that's where we begin. With Taylor and John Bluher exercising their right to tantrum.
Taylor goes Oklahoma on Dr. Jenn's staff until they give her permission to call the doctor herself and complain. Immediately upon getting on the phone Taylor goes from OK to Hawaiian sunset as she calmly but snootily explains that filet mignon is a necessary requirement for her life. "I can't live like this," she whines. "It's like a joke." Yes – it is exactly like a joke except we're all laughing at you, not with you.
Lest Taylor forget about all her financial problems – lady you were hawking fake Birkins to pay for legal bills.