Do you like the recap title? I got it from one of my former first grade students after his dad’s alma mater beat my alma mater in basketball. If only I’d known in 2005 that Roy’s words would be so helpful to me now. On last night’s Survivor, the tribes proved once again that girls are passive-aggressive, while men like to pound their (sometimes waxed) chests when they succeed. It’s a study in middle school behavior to say the least.

The women head back to the Salani camp, which is basically the Manano camp. The guys brag that they were nice enough to keep their fire burning. It’s annoying to Michael that none of the women had to be voted off since Kourtney broke her wrist. Christina approaches Alicia to rehash the differences the girls had at tribal council. Alicia apologizes for any bad blood, but in her interview she twirls her imaginary evil-doer mustache and proclaims that if she saw Christina drowning in the ocean, she’d look the other way. It’s that kind of empathy I would hope that most special education teachers portray.


The women try to regroup in order to get over their discord. Sabrina is given the task of leading the group because she’s fair, direct, and doesn’t take things personally – exactly what you’d want in a high school teacher. For serious. Nina is trying to find her place among the young women, and her patience is wearing thin with Kat. I am just curious as to how Kim’s eyebrows are so perfectly sculpted after almost a week in the jungle. Kat and Alicia go foraging for food, and by foraging, I mean floating in the ocean and gossiping about how they should be foraging.

A giant box arrives for each tribe. Is it just me or are the women sporting more Victoria’s secret apparel and less swimsuits this season? Check that, all the men are in their tighty whiteys and sad boxer briefs too. #staydowndinner The teams must take their boxes and envelope to a neutral location. Bill reads the directions as if he’s auditioning for Shakespeare in the Park. It’s pretty dramatic considering all he is saying is that the teams must take the ropes in said boxes and untie them, getting to a ring. The winners gain a tarp, and each tribe may utilize their newly unknotted ropes however they please. Mike is sitting out this challenge. It’s neck-and-neck, but the men prevail.

Manono is thrilled to receive their tarp. They get to work straight Gilligan’s Island-style, except for Colton who is super bored and yawns repeatedly while hanging on a rope swing. Colton goes to hang out with the ladies, and Sabrina urges him to try to find common ground with his tribe mates. He loves the Salani, but he’s not very helpful in their faux tarp-making assembly line. The women are getting frustrated and fake a tribe meeting to get him to leave. He returns, and Sabrina is way over him. I bet she’s so thrilled she gave him the immunity idol. He’s very dramatic as he begs to become a part of the Salani tribe. The women try to explain that while they love him, they can’t have someone who could be perceived as a potential mole always lurking around. Despondent, he heads into the jungle.

At Manono, Tarzan is dancing around the camp, and thankfully, due to night vision cameras, we are able to see it in all of its glory. Colton is determined to get back in the game, and he approaches Troyzan to form an alliance. Colton flaunts his idol to the chosen few, and Jonas is impressed with the kid’s smarts. He has gone from being the misfit to being the ringleader. The group decides to vote off one of the hairless wonders if they lose immunity.

The immunity challenge involves each tribe standing side by side on a balance beam suspended over water. One by one, each player must cross the beam in front of their teammates, but if the player falls or touches more than one tribe member at a time, he or she must go back to the beginning. The men are in the lead, but the women are slow, blaming boobs as the difficulty factor when trying to pass. Leif is quick to get to end, followed by Colton. Kat keeps having to start over for touching more than one person. The men have three players finished, but suffer a fall. The women yet to have anyone who has made it across the beam. Geez, the women are horrible at this! Monica is the only one who seems to know what she’s doing, and she finally makes it to the end. The men win by a landslide, with Colton performing a stellar toe touch off the landing.

Back at camp, the women are disheartened. Kat apologizes for multiple mistakes during the challenge, and she is met with constructive criticism. Sabrina sees her as a liability because she can’t channel her energy. However, in everyone’s mind Nina is just a negative Nancy who brings nothing to the table. Monica would love to go to the big alliance and throw Nina under the bus, but she hopes they will realize that on their own. She doesn’t want to be seen as disloyal. Luckily, Nina can’t keep her mouth closed around the younger women by planting a Kat vote-off bug in Chelsea’s ear. And Chelsea is listening. She takes this suggestion to Kim (who agrees), and they struggle with voting for Kat and losing the trust of the others in their alliance.

At tribal council, Jeff reminds the women they have had the worst showing in the history of the franchise. Jeff flat-out calls them sixth-graders. Nina defines the alliances for Jeff. She discusses her background, proving she could be an asset to the younger women. Nina doesn’t think that the women don’t need to be divided based on age. Nina rails Kat. Kim sticks up for Kat while respecting Nina. Chelsea and Sabrina admit that in light of what they know now, they would have formed different alliances. Kat takes full responsibility for her tribe’s loss. She believes it would be absolutely fair to vote her off, but she is hopeful that her team mates will see her passion and keep her around. She also mentions Christina as someone who should be considered in the vote. Sabrina is disgusted how the women tip-toe around the actual issues where men would just say it like it is.

Jeff tallies the votes, and it’s not even close. The young alliance sticks with their own, and Nina is sent packing. I was actually very shocked to see Kat squeak through last night!

Next week, the elements become a major factor with the men being unwilling to help the women…at all.


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