Bethenny Ever After Recap: The C.O.C. Has Left The Building!

Last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After was all about good-byes and changes as Coordinator of Chaos Julie Plake announced she would be moving home to focus on her own life after years with the Skinnygirl team. Bethenny Frankel also contemplated having husband Jason Hoppy work with her and help run the Skinnygirl empire. Did I mention Bethenny is running an empire, cause she is, just in case you forgot. She’s, like, kinda the biggest deal since, like, sliced bread. Or bottled cocktails – which never, ever existed before Skinnygirl came along.

Ok, I have to admit after a couple of episodes of really liking Bethenny again, last night she was grating on my nerves with her constant pity party and I’m so amazing nonsense. We get it – you built a successful business on your own. You are NOT, Madame Frankel, running the United States from your 3-bedroom- apartment in TriBeCa with only two twenty-something assistants who can barely send an email. Stop trying to pretend you are.

Anyway, things begin with Julie sitting Bethenny down to discuss her future. Julie lets Bethenny know the time has come for her to say good-bye. Julie will be moving home to Pittsburgh and focusing on her relationship with Drew because she’s completely burned out by giving her life to Bethenny. Bethenny is upset, but supportive, and openly admits that while Julie is great at her job – the job is probably not the right fit for Julie emotionally. Bethenny also recognizes what an agonizing decision this has been for Julie. She handled it with class and gratitude – it was nice.

While sharing the news with Jason, Jackie, and Maggie; Bethenny looks like he’s gagging on that Skinnygirl cleanse she’s drinking. Jason is sad and seems genuinely upset that Julie will be leaving their family, but he is apparently pondering leaving his job to join the Skinnygirl team. In Julie’s absence, Jackie and Maggie will be promoted. Bethenny worries if Maggie will be able to handle the ball-busting Skinnygirl team – and the constant chaos. Poor Julie – she is a C.O.C. no more!

Bethenny heads over to Drybar, which is partnering with Skinnygirl to incorporate the classic Skinnygirl ponytail and margarita into their menu. The owner practices the  classic ponytail on Bethenny and even after the re-do it looks like crap. Maybe it’s Beth’s hair, maybe that lady needs Tabatha to take over, but really – that was one sorry, sad ponytail that looked more ‘I just worked out’ than ‘I styled my hair this way.’  Afterwards Bethenny pours up a cocktail and wonders why people don’t drink in the morning. She prefers morning drunk to go with her morning sex and if she gets a blow-out, Jason should get a blow job, but Drybar doesn’t offer happy ending specials.

Bethenny discusses working with your spouse with the owner, who declares that it’s fun combining the two. One could say it’s the fruit in the sangria. Except Bethenny and Jason have a lot communication issues, so Bethenny seems nervous about adding more strain on their relationship. You know, more like adding a cauliflower to your sangria. Nonetheless, she doesn’t completely rule it out!

Next Bethenny meets up with Matt, her sexy Skinnygirl nutritionist or something. The idea that Matt is sexy is not lost on Bethenny who grills him continually on his single life, specifically if he dates and sleeps with models. Cause Bethenny can, like, relate. Nope, she’s not a forty-one-year-old married mother, she’s a single skinnygirl ready to mingle and dammit she’s good at being a bar slut! Oh, Bethenny… Oh Bethenny…  Matt tells her he told hot girls at Nobu (does Bravo have a secret partnership with Nobu?) that he worked for Skinnygirl. Poor Beth had a wistful look on her face as she wished Matt were picking her up at the bars with a Skinnygirl diet bar ad.

Why do all of her business meetings turn into sex talk and personal life convos? Bethenny fills Matt in on how Jason has a passion for working with Skinnygirl and he is very fascinated by the operation. However she worries about mixing marriage and business. Matt feels her pain and echos that it may result in their relationship being all business talk and no break. Which is an excellent point!

Bethenny takes assistant-in-training Maggie to a high-end antique store where she and her decorator Brooke peruse $6,780,000.* vases. *Numerical values inflated for entertainment purposes. Bethenny is in shock over the prices – which are high. Like, gobsmackingly so. I agree with Bethenny – too scary! No $43,000 chair moments for me! And they definitely are not good for people with children.

Bethenny tells Maggie that Brooke didn’t know her when she was broke (well, no one did apparently because she never was. Thanks, Dad!),  so Brooke expects her to spend lavishly like all her other clients, which include a whole host of famous people. And here comes the ‘I was poor and couldn’t pay my rent’ woe-is-me sob story that peppers every episode. After all that shell-shocked nonsense Bethenny discovers some bars that she likes. At $35,000 for the pair, they’re a steal!

Back at the apartment where Skinnygirl lives, the team is preparing for their big Lazy Lingerie photoshoot. Jason, apparently, chose this to be his first day of work with the Skinnygirl crew. I suppose to over-see the shoot (wink, wink). Bethenny is very excited that she has coerced her staff into prancing around her living room in their netherthings while she bounces on the sofa cheering.

Bethenny, again, explains how her business works – it’s like very, very complicated. Let’s talk about how amazing and fantastic and amazing Bethenny’s business is again! She’s so important. She is like the queen empress princess of the whole entire world. Skinnygirl alone is keeping the NASDQ alive. Bethenny’s like patenting stuff y’all. She invented bras! And margaritas! And yoga! Didn’t ya know?! ohmigawd – it’s Bethenny and her empire! It’s just, like, so mesmerizing.

Bethenny announces she is turned on by Julie wearing butt pads while holding Bryn. Dr. Amador is not working. Then she kisses her hairstylist, Stacey, on the lips to steal some of her “jarring” attention hot pink lipstick that oozes sex. Stacey is so getting some – as evidenced by the lipstick and the Skinnygirl neglige. Getting molested by Bethenny is no small fete!

From lingerie to Parenting magazine with an argument about furniture in between. Jason and Bethenny discuss the very real possibility of purchasing $35,000 furniture pieces. Jason makes some valid points about how they have a small child and they actually live in their space, so it will likely get banged up. Bethenny co-signs that she’s incapable of having valuable stuff, but she wants them nonetheless. Hey, I agree with her – if I could afford them I’d be mighty tempted. And they were awesome!

Bethenny then points out that they don’t use their valuables wisely, as evidenced by the expensive bowl being used to store iPod charges. haha. Seriously – that was my favorite scene of last night.


As Bethenny leaves for Parenting Magazine she is now complaining about getting her make-up done too much. It’s like taking over her life, this looking slightly undead good thing she’s forced to endure. Jason and Bethenny unveil the princess potty chair for Bryn. The princess potty chair is scary, but Jason pretending to use it was hilarious. I think that thing would traumatize your child.

Bethenny is on the cover of Parenting Magazine and now she’s giving a question and answer session about being a mom. Someone asks her about ex-loud-nanny who ate,  Gina, and Bethenny predicts Gina will resurface somewhere – like next episode! Isn’t that convenient?!

Over the dinner, Bethenny and Julie talk her leaving. Would it kill Julie to ever fix her hair? Bethenny can’t spare a glammy for five minutes? She can’t send Jules to Drybar? Julie is very excited to be leaving Bethenny and moving home to enter intensive treatment and rehabilitation from dealing with Bethenny. Basically Julie needs some mommying after trying to manage Empress of the Svelte and Amazing who invented the world.

Back at Skinnygirl Empire Headquarters – where skinny happens – Bethenny is already warning Jackie that she’s going to hate her life and her new job because it will suck. And Jackie should expect to be treated like the princess potty. Julie, at least, is confident in Jackie’s abilities. I love Bethenny’s negativity and what the hell is she talking about? If she doesn’t feel like Jackie can handle it without a meltdown a minute – hire someone else. Or maybe Bethenny just expects everyone to behave like her and constantly freak out?

It’s therapy time! Hi Dr. Amador. It’s time to rehash Bethenny‘s abandonment issues caused by Julie leaving her. In response, she’s shutting Julie out and punishing her for wanting her own life. Apparently Jason sees Julie leaving as the perfect segue for him to move into the business.

Bethenny starts to cry about how much Julie has supported her over the years and how much Julie believed in her when no one else did. I do hope they stay friends, because their relationship seems genuine. Julie wants to be successful and happy in her own right and though Bethenny understands this, she isn’t able to fully grasp that Julie is leaving in what Bethenny feels is the beginning of Bethenny’s success. I love Bethenny’s outfit in her therapy session – it’s so awesome, it’s distracting me. It’s very Jane Fonda in Klute.

And finally it’s the Skinnygirl Shapewear shoot. Bust out those butt pads, girls! It dawns on Bethenny and Julie that soon twenty-three year-old unprofessionals will be taking over the empire. In their hands will be the fate of dieters everywhere. Can legions of Skinnygirls – who depend on their leader, Queen of the Margaritas and inventor of the ponytail – deal with the empire being left to zygotes? Neophytes who are scarcely able to imbibe their sacred drink? Only time will tell!  Yeah, I’m not buying this. Bethenny totally has professional assistants behind the scenes. She must. There’s no way.

BTW: The photo ends up looking great and good for the girls. They all looked adorable and seemed to have a good time. I’m still not purchasing Butt Pads by Bethenny.

Next Week: Gina returns and Bethenny breaks down. Jason is buying Bethenny a new ring. Good lord – how many meltdowns must we endure? Be grateful!