Teen Mom Recap: How To Lose A Guy In 45 Days

Last week on Teen MomTyler Baltierra went to Butch’s arraignment, Catelynn Lowell went to April’s recovery meeting, Maci Bookout and Kyle King moved into their new house, Farrah Abraham struggled to take care of Sophia, and Amber Portwood fought with Gary Shirley.

Catelynn and Tyler Need Time

Catelynn and Tyler are supposedly preparing for college. The MTV timeline is confusing. Does the semester start, like, the next day? Hasn’t it been at least a week or two since Tyler pushed Catelynn to enroll because she was running out of time?  This will be Catelynn’s first semester and Tyler’s second semester. Catelynn wants to be an adoption counselor and Tyler wants to be a youth counselor. Blah, blah, blah. We’ve heard all of this before.

Like always, Catelynn is thinking too far ahead and not worrying about the right now. Catelynn hopes to someday work with their own adoption counselor Dawn. Catelynn call Dawn to tell her the good news. Dawn thinks it’s a great idea, but kindly reminds Catelynn she needs to start with school.


Dawn tells Catelynn she’ll need a degree in social work. Uh oh. Catelynn and Tyler are both pursuing degrees in human services. They do not even know if their school has a social work program. Tyler is frustrated. Catelynn says, “I hope we’re not getting the wrong degrees for what we want to do.” Honey, you aren’t getting ANY degree yet. You’re just talking about it. They desperately need some guidance. They need to enroll in some general ed classes and talk to an advisor.

Or… not. After the commercial, Catelynn says since she and Tyler do not know whether they need a human services or a social work degree, they’re taking an entire semester off from school. Catelynn must have called Maci for advice.  Brandon and Theresa send Catelynn an email, congratulating them on their jobs, asking about school, and letting them know Carly now goes to preschool. At least someone on this show is going to school.

Catelynn and Tyler are invited to a birth parent counseling group. While they’re there, they ask Dawn about the social work degree. Dawn explains, then she asks Catelynn and Tyler about their plans. Dawn is concerned, warning them that 80% of kids that take a year off never go back. Catelynn has this idea in her head that she cannot trust an advisor. An advisor is just going to tell her what she wants to hear, she says, and not what’s in her best interest.

Tyler’s mom isn’t happy about Tyler and Catelynn taking time off from school. Kim is worried Tyler won’t go back to school. This offends Tyler.

Look – Kim‘s new hair is back! Personally, I think this entire dilemma happens well into the start of the semester. Maybe Catelynn didn’t get enrolled in time? And, after Tyler made such a big deal about Catelynn going to school, he needs a reason to justify going to New Orleans to pursue acting. (That’s what Tyler is doing in real time.) Tyler is wearing a  hat, so he could be hiding a change in his hair.

Back to the show, Kim arranges for Catelynn and Tyler to talk to Steve and Stephanie, who both went to college and work in a youth home. Catelynn says, “I want to make sure what I’m going for is going to help me do what I want to do.” Tyler wants his degree as soon as possible – starting in January and right after he tries to become an actor. Catelynn just wants to move on with the rest of her life.

Baby Mama Drama 

Another year, another drama-filled day surrounding Bentley‘s birthday. Bentley’s birthday is approaching. This year, Bentley will be with Ryan Edwards. Maci would like to see him on his birthday, but she says she’s not going to push the idea on Ryan.

Maci isn’t in school because she’s hosting a yard sale. Maci gets a text message from Ryan. Ryan is mad about Maci’s “stupid” Twitter posts, suggesting their life would be easier if they [Maci and Ryan] were together. Dalis is getting mad, so Ryan’s getting mad. Maci complains to her friend, “Dalis thinks of me as Ryan’s ex-girl friend and not as Bentley’s mom. It’s so strange.”  Kyle tells Maci, “Let them do their own thing. It ain’t gonna bother you.”

Maci blocks Dalis from her Twitter and texts Ryan to let him know. In Maci’s perfect world, the problem is solved. Ryan texts back, “Maci get over the fact that we will never get back together. I f***ing hate you. If you try and f*** with my relationship again, I’m going to start f***ing with yours.” Ryan continues, including approximately 23 more f***s and threats to take Maci to court. Maci is mad at Dalis, because she is making Maci and Ryan fight. Maci demands an apology from Ryan when he comes to get Bentley. Ryan doesn’t think he owes her an apology. Ryan admits he didn’t see the tweet, he doesn’t want to see the tweet, he doesn’t care to agrue about it. Ryan just wants Maci to move on. Maci is not happy. She tells Ryan that they need to get along and not be fighting because of Dalis.

Maci tells Kyle, “Dalis needs to stay out of my way.” Kyle sighs, “She’ll learn to deal with it, like I have.”

Ryan‘s mom asks about Bentley‘s birthday, suggesting Ryan and Maci do something together for Bentley’s sake. Ryan says no. Ryan’s parents think Maci feels threatened by Dalis. Interesting – most people would assume it’s the other way around – Dalis (the new girlfriend) feeling threatened by Maci (the ex-fiance and baby mama). Ryan says, “I don’t need this…” Ryan’s mom fills in, “… baby mama drama.”

Bentley repeats, “baby mama drama.”

Farrah Gets Dumped in Texas 

Well, kudos to Daniel for lasting 45 days!

Farrah and Daniel have been planning their big trip to Texas forever! Well, for about two weeks, at least. But, Farrah isn’t getting any less engaged, so thank goodness the trip is finally here. “Traveling together is a great way to get to know each other,” says Daniel. Ah, foreshadowing at its best.

First stop in Texas – lunch! “I’m going to pop. I’m pretty full on cheese right now,” says Farrah. “I’m going to squeeze you,” jokes Daniel. Farrah, who is incapable of being playful, takes the opportunity to lecture Daniel about having kids. She’s like (paraphrasing), If you squeeze me, I might vomit on you. It’ll be a great lesson for you, you poor soul who has no idea what it’s like to have children. I’m an adult and I have a kid. Trust me, kids vomit on your face 24/7.

Farrah meets Daniel‘s father Marci and his wife Christina. Just before, Farrah asks Daniel, “How should I act?” Daniel says, “Like your normal.” Oh Daniel, wrong answer. Christina shares that she’s going back to school to work with kids. Marci explains to Farrah that he and Christina do not have any kids together. Farrah asks Christina, “You haven’t had children yet?” She says, “No.” Farrah says, “Oh my gosh! I don’t think it’s going to happen then! How old are you?” Christina tells her she’s 51. Farrah says, “You’re going to be a lone bird.”

Oh my. I expect condescending and nasty from Farrah, it’s just part of her charm, and I’m still shocked.

Chrsitina looks at  Daniel. The look says it all – Is this chick for real? Are you for real bringing her here? Farrah keeps going, “I can’t believe you haven’t had a child yet.” Marci mentions grandchildren, which opens the door for Farrah to talk about her own mom and Sophia. Some talking… Farrah says, “Yeah, I was 17 when she [Sophia] popped out.”

Farrah reveals she wants more kids very soon. She wishes Sophia had a brother or sister. Shockingly, Daniel doesn’t surprise Farrah with a proposal or start making babies right there in the restaurant. Instead, Daniel mumbles something unintelligible. Farrah’s attitude changes, the evil look in her eyes returns, and the horns pop out of her hair. She simply says, “Or not.” Marci tells Farrah to slow down a little bit. Farrah notices Daniel isn’t saying much. She wonders if they’re on the same page.

Daniel and Farrah go shopping. Farrah buys Sophia a pair of boots and a fake engagement ring for herself. Next, Daniel and Farrah take a paddleboat out onto a lake. By golly, Farrah will make Daniel paddle around the lake until he agrees to marry her! Farrah wastes no time asking Daniel for more of a commitment, as she doesn’t want to date “forever.” She wants to eventually – in a few months – be engaged. Daniel points out that they’ve only been seeing each other for 45 days. Farrah gives Daniel an ultimatum, “I want to be commited in a relationship. If that’s not for you, you should break up with me. If it is for you, you should totally continue to date me.” Daniel is practically sucking in air, grabbing at his neck. Farrah asks him, “Is the life jacket suffocating you right now?” Daniel says, “The lifejacket is fine.” Which translate to: YOU are suffocating me!

Farrah Abraham Denies Using Adderall And Xanax! Jenelle Evans Claims She Has “Proof” Ex- Fiancé Gary Head Abused Her!

Farrah and Daniel go to a party.

Farrah‘s side of the story: Farrah says Daniel is acting weird, so she goes back to the hotel room. Daniel never comes back to the hotel, abandoning both Farrah and his suitcase. Farrah calls Debra to tell her Daniel is an idiot.

Daniel‘s side of the story: (via Twitter) Daniel actually broke up with Farrah at the party, off camera. Farrah knew Daniel wasn’t coming back to the hotel or traveling with her back to Florida.

Daniel tells a friend, “I couldn’t take it anymore. She’s a sweet girl, don’t get me wrong. She means well, but she has a lot of growing up to do. She demands stuff. She gave me all these time constraints for our relationship.”

Amber Looks for a New House

Amber needs to find a new house so Leah can stay with her. Leah, who is with Gary, calls Amber on the phone. “It’s My Leah, Mom,” she says. Too cute. “Wanna see My Leah, Mom?,” asks Leah. Too sad.  Amber says she can see her that day, but Gary has to put stuff away or something. Gary suggests the next day and Amber agrees.

It’s supposedly the next day, but Amber is wearing the same clothes and hat. Gary and Amber agreed that Leah would spend the day with Amber. Amber calls Gary to tell him she’s going to look at a house instead. Gary says, “You said you wanted Leah. We talked about this.” Amber gets defensive, saying, “I asked you for her yesterday.” Gary asks, “Are you not taking her today?” Amber says, “I can’t today.” Gary says, “Alright, well I’m getting off here. If you can’t take my daughter, then I have nothing to do with you.”

Ugh. These two are horrible. I can’t help to wonder if this is a pattern with Amber, with her setting up time to be with Leah and then changing her mind. Gary‘s “we talked about this” could have meant more than a simple “we just talked about this yesterday.”  Anyway, Amber can no longer take Leah this day because she has to look at a house. No idea why she cannot bring Leah with her or go see the house and get Leah in an hour or two. But, of course, it’s all Gary’s fault because Amber wanted Leah the day before and Gary said no.

An argument ensues. Like always, Amber screams, swears, and call Gary names. Amber gets in her Lincoln (a car that starts at $44,000) and calls her new friend Sara. Amber says Gary is treating her badly. Amber starts to cry. “I’ve never had a good life. I didn’t even do anything. He’s killing me,” she cries. A medicated Amber on the road is a terrifying thought – add in hysterical and holding a phone with one hand – YIKES. The stuff MTV films never ceases to amaze me. Speaking of which, why does MTV insist on repeatedly zooming in on the fancy cars these kids drive? It’s like they’re saying, Hey, Kids! You can have a fancy car too! Call MTV for more details.

Still crying, Amber gets to Sara‘s house. Sara tells her to calm down, so she doesn’t mess up her makeup or lose an eyelash. Obviously, Sara’s worried about all that mascara dripping all over her house. Case in point, Sara immediately takes Amber out to the balcony. Have we ever seen Sara before last week? Perhaps Sara is a court-appointed counselor, drug tester, or parole officer.

Amber looks at a house that is beautiful – and huge. All we ever see Amber do is sit on a couch – and, now, the green chair. She certainly does not need a house this big. Nevertheless, Amber is sold. The owner, who must be sharing Amber’s drugs, agrees.


Teen Mom is coming to an end. Only two more episodes, then we say goodbye to Catelynn, Maci, Farrah, and Amber. Check out the super trailer.

Photo credit: MTV