Last week on Shahs of Sunset, Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi expressed interest in cutting her pregnant sisters face, Mercedes "MJ" Javid accused Lilly Ghalichi of sexual pet endangerment, and Reza Farahan and Mike Shouhed blindsided MJ at the office. A heated exchange ensued. In the end, Reza walked out, saying to MJ, "Mike and I are going to go talk about real estate and you can make some nail appointments."
Fast forward to Mike and Reza's business lattes, Reza self-righteously says, "That's crazy. Who does that in an office atmosphere?" Reza, honey… you do. Reza says he's done with MJ because she called him fat and sided with GG. He sounds like a child.
Lilly introduces us to her sister Yassamin. I have to say, Yassamin is smoking hot. And she's naturally gorgeous. I imagine Lilly is too… but it's hard to tell under 100 pounds of makeup, hair, and boobs. Lilly could benefit from a serious make-under. Lilly repeatedly mentions that she's the younger sister because most people incorrectly guess her to be the older sister.
Lilly, Coconut, and Yassamin go for a walk. While Coconut spins, Lilly asks her sister to join her at the group's next party. Yassamin doesn't understand why Lilly would want to hang out with these people…specifically with MJ and Omid, who have offended Lilly in the past. Clearly, Yassamin doesn't know how reality TV works. To us, Lilly voices her concern about seeing Omid since he threatened to back hand her the last time she saw him. She says, "I'm a little worried that he may throw another line like that at me, and my sister, being my older sister is going to get defensive. My sister is a f-ing tiger."
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With a punching bag and boxing gloves in hand, Mike visits GG. Cute, Mike. A giggly GG is all like, you're so crazy, hahaha, you're so funny. Combining the giggles with the long looks in his direction, it appears as if GG still has it bad for Mike.
GG's hair is pulled back with a clip. GG establishes that she and Mike go way back… all the way back to before she "calmed her shit down." If this is a calmed down GG, I don't want to meet the high strung GG. Mike says, "You can hurt somebody verbally but you took it a step further when you decided to hit Asa Soltan Rahmati. That shocked me."
GG gulps her wine all gone and says, "I kept grabbing her hand … I just want us to get along … She drops my hand like it was garbage and BUHH! and she tossed my hand and she hit me, twice!"
GG's takes out her hair clip. Mike tells GG that her story continuously changes, adding, "You said Asa hit you." GG says, "What?! I never said Asa hit me. I said I hit her." Mike laughs at the ridiculousness and asks GG why she hit Asa.
Picking up a now full glass of wine, GG says, "I didn't hit her. Who said I hit her?"
GG's hair is pulled back with a clip again. Mike tells her the crew thinks she's irrational and explosive. Mike adds, "If you continue to act this way, I can't be your friend anymore." GG claims, "I don't want to be that person. That's not me. I put that shit away." Mike asks, "Are we on the same planet?" GG gulps her wine and cries. In the end, she leaves the room after Mike tells her nobody wants to hang out with her.
Considering the back and forth hair style and wine level, I'm confused. Have I been drinking? Is this the remix version of these events? Nevertheless, it's obvious that GG changes her story several times during the conversation. On her blog, GG explains, "Yes, I think I told 20 different stories about what happened at that pool party, mostly because I drank a bottle of whisky before that fight went down."
GG also manages to blame Mike, writing, "Mike is someone that I've known since I was 13 years old and he claims to truly care about me, but if he cares about me, don't you think he could tell me to stop drinking the wine because I'm not making any sense? A true friend should always be there to look out for you, especially when they see you're drunk, emotional, and unable to stop! Thanks, Mike."
Meanwhile, MJ is disgusted by Reza's take on her work ethic. MJ adds that running into Reza would be like running into malignant cancer, so she packs up her office and plans to work from home. MJ hopes her absence will cause Reza to realize how wrong he was.
In actuality, Reza sends carrier pigeons to Mike to tell him his new desk is ready.
Cut to Reza
feeling guilty getting ready to go clubbing. Despite wearing only a towel, Reza investigates the knock on his front door. Thankfully, it's only Jefferson, Reza's "white southern brother from another mother." Jefferson is like, you're not ready yet?! Reza is like, I'm having a major gay crisis – plain black crew neck or plain black v neck? Jefferson tells Reza to prepare for making out and to wear the plain black v neck shirt. The crisis is averted.
Jefferson asks Reza about Adam. While Reza spews some nonsense about his intensity crushing Adam, Jefferson says that Reza will never commit to "not patronize other hoes" for Adam. According to Reza, monogamy in a gay relationship is like 'don't ask, don't tell' and it's all good as long as you don't bring home any venereal diseases.
I'm sorry… but I can barely stomach Reza this season. Reza goes on to say that his "hot ho pick up party" hasn't come to an end yet. He adds, "I do not want to be running around West Hollywood, like, in inappropriate, like, daisy dukes and, like, cut offs, when my expiration date has come and gone." Too late? Definitely too old to be using so many "likes' in one sentence. Reza and Jefferson are off to club Rasputin Russian Love Machine, where Reza sniffs strangers' armpits, the bartenders wear Speedo shorts, and Reza looks more sugar daddy and less hot ho.
Next, we meet Asa's serious boyfriend Jermaine Jackson, Jr. Sadly, Asa explains the prejudice associated with Persian girls dating African American men. Asa says, "The way Persians look at us … It's almost as if I'm this disgusting whore and he's this disgusting creature. How can you have such ugly, strong judgments about two people who love each other? He's literally the most amazing person in the world. Of course, he's fine as hell, too." Asa and Jermaine talk about their old-fashioned relationship, food, and her upcoming gig with Michael Costello. For reasons unknown, Asa repeatedly calls Jermaine "Daddy" and Jermaine speaks with an accent.
Lilly visits Reza at his office. When she learns that Reza shares his office with MJ, Lilly is like, shut up! You have to work with her? Is the going through menopause? Reza tells the world that MJ is 40. Lilly is like, shut up! She told me she was 34! She looks good for 40…. but she could use some diet pills. Hmmm, I think there's another apology in Lilly's future. Reza and Lilly share a nice laugh at MJ's expense.
Lilly says to the camera, "I feel deeply sorry for MJ. I think she should work on bettering herself and becoming a happier person rather than just hating other people." When Lilly said this, did anyone else think of MJ's hateful mother? Is MJ just like her mother?
Speaking of MJ, she's building a desk while drinking wine and talking to… her dogs? the camera? MJ thinks Reza is stupid for partnering up with Mike, because Mike is "dumber than a box of rocks." A frustrated (and probably tipsy) MJ is completely over building the desk. She throws the box, breaking her wine glass, and vacuums up random desk pieces. Meanwhile, Mike tells his family that he's partnering with Reza. Mike's mom disses the idea.
Tehran, a friend of the group, is in town and invites everyone out for dinner and drinks. Of course. I mean, it wouldn't be a reality show if there wasn't a forced (and bound to be awful) get together at the end. MJ pulls back her hair (my favorite look on her) and stuffs herself into a red dress that's at least two sizes too small (ugh). In Lilly land, Lilly gets pampered by her glam squad (must be nice) and puts on a dress that barely covers her boobs (ugh).
Lilly, Yassamin, and Reza meet up with Mike, Asa, and Sammy Younai (why?) at the bar. After meeting Yassamin, Asa says, "Lilly's little sister was like a small clone of Lilly… hair, lots of makeup, a cute little dress." Since GG isn't able to stay sober long enough to act civilized, Omid Kalantari comes to the party in her place.
Asa tells Reza that her fashion show gig fell through. Now, she's worried about how she's going to pay this month's bills. I
shed a tear couldn't care less. Asa drinks diamonds, walks on $30,000 gold coins, drives a luxury car, parties at fancy restaurants, dates a Jackson, manages to afford Denise Huxtable's complete wardrobe, and calls herself a Persian Pop Preistess. If this "so broke" story line isn't completely fake, the girl needs a serious wake up call.
The second she walks into the bar, MJ is convinced that Reza is "s**t-stirring," so she goes out of her way to greet him with a fake kiss. A dumbfounded Reza says to the camera, "Where does she get off rolling in, giving me a kiss, and acting like nothing ever happened? We're not cool right now."
Working the room, MJ insults Lilly's choice of dress. Lilly fires back, "You should have not worn that dress." MJ says, "It's a beautiful dress." It is a pretty dress. But, if I can see your Spanx squeezing your thighs, it's too small. Lilly says to the camera, "Bitch, I'm wearing a $2,000 dress. I can't believe this girl, who is wearing an 8th grader's dress that's clearly 10 sizes too small for her, is trying to tell me what I should have worn."
Asa's take on MJ – she's jealous of the friendships Reza has with other women and Lilly's hotness makes her feel secure. You think? MJ explains how she wouldn't be able to cope if she were to lose Reza. While I completely understand MJ's fear, she grossly mishandles it.
Reza tells us he's sick of MJ's passive aggressive two-faced B.S. Reza's inflated ego decides to toast his "favorite people" at Tehran's party and purposely doesn't include MJ. Just to be hurtful. Reza knows he's being a prick and says it feels good. MJ (who can dish it but not take it) leaves the party, declaring, "Tonight, Reza and I are broken up." Sammy points out to Reza that MJ left. Reza is like, who cares? Sammy is like, you should! This shit that you're doing… not cool, man. Reza is like, keep your chunky butt out of this; you're not even ON this season, you loser.
Tehran announces, "This is why I refuse to move to L.A." Cheers to that!
For me, it's not a matter of Team Reza vs. Team MJ or Team Lilly vs. Team MJ because they're all acting like a bunch of passive aggressive a**holes. Was scummy Sammy seriously the voice of reason at the party? That really says something about how revolting the cast is acting this season, doesn't it?
TELL US – THIS WEEK'S MOST SHOCKING SCENE? ARE YOU SURPRISED BY MJ AND REZA'S BREAK UP?
Asa's mom's road rage… indescribable… and awesome.
Photo credit: Bravo