Newlyweds The First Year Recap: Ten Months And Counting…


I'll be honest.  I have been actively trying to connect with these couples to no avail.  There was so much bickering and pettiness.  However, last night's Newlyweds: The First Year actually made me feel for the couples (it's about time given that the finale is next week!).  I celebrated their successes, and I was upset about their hardships.  Tina Sugandh and Tarz Ludwigsen suffer through a traumatic event, and they grow closer thanks to Tina's dad's ridiculous new girlfriend.  Blair Late is concerned about how active Jeff Pedersen's solo sex life is, while Kim and Alaska Gedeon actually get along.  He's even quite charming!  I know.  I couldn't believe it either.  Kathryn Bougadis and John Lagoudes impatiently wait (and wait and wait and wait) for the birth of their son.

After being excited about her cycle being late, a teary Tina reveals to her mother-in-law that she suffered a miscarriage.  It's heartbreaking to hear her say she's not fit to carry a child.  Tarz's mom reminds Tina to look at this as an isolated incident.  She doesn't want her daughter-in-law to jump to conclusions with no medical information to back up her worries.


Kim and Alaska start off the night fighting again, and to that I say, "What else is new?"  He's upset about the money she's funneling from his their joint account, and she's livid that he keeps referring to the cash as his money not their money.  Although Alaska can be a bit of a brat, Kim shares that any money she makes goes into a separate account while Alaska is the main contributor to the joint account.  So technically, she is spending his money!

Blair is in New York City visiting friends, and Jeff can't believe how quiet things are around the house.  I can't believe how happy Jeff seems in Blair's absence.  Trouble in paradise already?  Oh, wait…that seems to be the premise for the entire show!

Kathryn thinks that John has been a good husband since she's become pregnant, but she's disappointed to learn that he's not nearly as doting as most of the fathers in their Lamaze class.  Both admit that they have no clue what to expect with the actual birthing process, and I am a bit queasy when the teacher suggests an olive oil massage of the lady parts to simulate crowning.  John wonders if a horse dildo would be a better idea.  WHAT?  He admits that he and Kathryn didn't have sex for three months, and the other participants are shocked…they are doing it all the time!  John just doesn't find it sexy to think that his giant manhood (I'm sure) is poking his baby.  He is tres mature, no?


Alaska reveals that growing up he had a difficult relationship with his father.  His father was strict and rigid and closed off when Alaska was younger, but now he's a total sweetheart who adores his son and Kim.  Alaska is hopeful he will undergo the same transformation sooner rather than later.  Kim loves Alaska's family, and she enjoys cooking a traditional Haitian meal with the help of his father, sister, and aunt and uncle.  Surrounded by his loved ones, Alaska is thankful to Kim for making an effort.

Tina is angry with Tarz for not getting upset over the loss of their baby.  At least they now know that Tina is capable of getting pregnant.  She takes great offense to his indifference, and she yells at him that he's not even sad that their baby died.  Tarz wishes that Tina would understand that just because he isn't vocalizing his feelings doesn't mean he is affected by what happened.  Could they be at any more opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to showing emotion?

Blair has returned from New York, and he and Jeff are sharing cocktails on the veranda.  Blair is tempted by a shirtless Jeff and attempts a make-out session.  Jeff isn't in the mood, so he dons his tight tee.  Blair isn't satisfied with how infrequently they are having sex (once a week), and he teases Jeff for getting old.  Jeff admits that it's not about age because he's pleasuring himself at least twice a day, depending on the porn he can find.  He tries to explain that he doesn't like having sex at home since he works from home and he's always there.  It's stressful.  Jeff wants to get away and camp, and do it the back of a truck.  Blair isn't all about Jeff's illegal fantasies (I think he really just doesn't want to camp), and he's hurt to find out he's being slighted for "Palm"ela and her five sisters.  Classic.


As her pregnancy wears on, Kathryn is getting more and more uncomfortable.  She's trying to relax with her sister.  Meanwhile, John's sister comes to visit and she's over the moon that he won the battle of the pool table.  She's supposed to be helping him assemble baby gear, but John is totally not in the mood to do things that he doesn't like to do.  After wrestling with a horribly installed car seat, John declares his efforts "good enough."  Please God, someone fix that car seat before the baby is born!

Tina and Tarz are on a dinner date where they are meeting her father's girlfriend for the first time.  In her mind, Tina is picturing a matronly, older woman, but she's met with a younger, blonde perky mother of four.  Tina is staring daggers at the poor woman as her father tries to stick his tongue down her throat.  As Tina's father rubs his new girlfriend, she reveals that they are thinking of getting married and having a child.  Tina is getting (understandably) upset, and Tarz comes to her defense.  He claims that his father-in-law and new lady love are acting like immature high schoolers.  Tina's dad argues that he was scared of Tina's reaction…and rightfully so.

Tarz notes that said girlfriend hasn't stopped rubbing his father-in-law's thigh since the meal started.  Tarz is also confused that his father-in-law wants to dish with him locker room style.  He feels like they aren't being very empathetic.  Tina's father's new girlfriend talks down to Tina about how she's forty and older and wiser (by five years…), and Tina doesn't know what it's like to have children.  I hope she feels like a big, fat idiot when she finds out what Tina and Tarz have just been through.

Kim is upset about Alaska heading out again, but he's planned a surprise for her.  He has planned a romantic honeymoon since he was too busy with work to take one right after their wedding.  She is very excited, and he's thrilled that he was able to make her so happy.

Remind me never to accept hot chocolate and/or Redi-Whip from Blair.  He attributes Jeff to bringing out his more domestic side.  While Jeff gripes about the calories in Blair's treat, Blair starts harping about their lack of sex.  Jeff is acting more like a dad than a husband, and the conversation has turned from the bedroom to the bank.  Jeff feels like he's sacrificing more in the financial realm, and it's stressful.  Blair offers to split the upcoming property taxes if Jeff will finally agree to get wills.  I want these two to stop with the constant bickering!

Finally Tina and Tarz are bonding…over their disdain for her dad's new girlfriend.  He is very sweet as he promises to support his wife through the inevitable ups and downs this new relationship may bring them.

Kathryn is almost a week past her due date, so she's trying everything to induce labor–sex, spicy food, and massages.  No luck!  After twelve days, she heads to the hospital to be induced.

Next week on the season finale, Kim and Alaska enjoy their honeymoon, and Jeff and Blair head to a sex therapist.  Kathryn has complications with her delivery, and Tina's dad announces that he's getting married.


[Photo Credit: Bravo]