Oh the Biermanns!
Last night was the season finale of Don't Be Tardy and guess what?! Kim Zolciak is pregnant again. As if we didn't know it already, Wigs n Cigs!
Before the big pregnancy reveal, Kim toted her existing kids to Turks and Caicos to celebrate Brielle's 16th birthday. Proving she is so the daughter of Wigs Delightful, Brielle complained, "It's not the Bahamas, but I'll take it."
Apparently it's not that Brielle has anything against Turks and Caicos, she has something against Kroy Biermann coming along on the vacation, screwing up yet another Wig family tradition. Oh and she really wants a car.
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Kim, recognizing that she ignores her girls so much she almost left them at home with some gummy bears and her credit card on file at Papa John's, decides to spend some time with them on the beach. Brielle again is upset about Kim not available for her because of her new life and all the changes that have happened so fast.
Does Kim dish out sympathy or empathy for her daughter? Oh no, she twirls her wig and basically tells Brielle to deal with it cause people change and her life is different now. Plus, it's been like a whole two years! Like forever!
Then they rub sand all over each other and Kim hits up the paddle board. Did I mention she was IN A WIG the entire time. I hope that thing doesn't catch an undertow and drag her under…
Kim decides Kroy should have a reassuring talk with Brielle so she knows he loves and cares about her, but isn't trying to usurp her family.
The next day the entire family spends time on the beach where Kim dons a wig, false eyelashes, and enough makeup to re-plaster a house. 'I'm so hot' she whines as the nannies scramble around doing the child rearing.
Kroy and Brielle take a walk on the beach which begins with Brielle quipping, "I'm so hungry I could eat Kim's breast milk." The wig does not fall far from the mannequin head! I do love Brielle and I feel sorry for her that she feels so neglected in the wake of Kim's new fancy life and desire for fame.
And this entire family – especially the girls – are so lucky to have found Kroy. Proof that miracles do exist. Part of Brielle's frustration with Kroy is that he disciplines her and has actual expectations – which she isn't used to. Apparently Arianna is a super-perfect kid and Brielle feels like Kroy only yells at her.
During their walk on the beach Kroy reiterates that he does those things because he cares. He wants Brielle to succeed and be happy in life. He promises that when he came into the family he meant he would be a part of her life forever. Brielle seems content with that and says she couldn't imagine a more perfect birthday, I mean unless she got a car… Then it would be like perfect-perfect.
Later Kim says Brielle doesn't understand normal boundaries because whenever the girls said they wanted to go to the Bahamas she would hop on a plane and take them for the weekend. Rolling Big Papa Style. Kroy seemed both disgusted and pissed that Kim actually thought that was appropriate. Again, she is tooo, toooo lucky!
Kim and Kroy go have some alone time where Kim hangs out in the pool complaining about something whilst wearing a thong bikini. Did I mention Kim was wearing a thong! Oh girl… TMC: Too much cellulite confidence. Kim definitely is not shy about putting it all out there.
Kroy and Kim decide to surprise Brielle by giving her some money for a new car. Since Kroy is in charge (thank the lord!) he allocates $15,000 for a used, sensible car. Even though Brielle is angling for a Jeep Wrangler. Kroy wraps the check up all pretty in box and even curls the ribbon ends. This man came from a good mommy. Mommy please save him from Wiggie!
Kim surprises Brielle with a car-shaped cake, but a broken down busted hot pink car as a precursor to the real gift – the check! Kim frets about Brielle growing up and decides she needs to install her in a chastity belt and an ankle monitor to keep her away from the boys. Kim reminds the girls of all the losers she hung out with growing up, whose parents had no rules, and look at how lame their lives are according to Facebook! Losers! All the winners are on reality TV shows and mistressing in public.
Anyway, Brielle, Kim, and Kroy have a 'birds and the bees' talk where Brielle jokes that she's gonna go testing out sexytimes in the new car. The supposedly non-English speaking nanny blows her cover by bursting out laughing. It was actually a really cute scene. Brielle is genuinely touched by the present and thanks her mom for raising her well and teaching her how to be a smart girl who doesn't make stupid mistakes. Code for: I grew up too fast, but it's OK cause at least I know how to prevent pregnancy! Kim hopes she and Brielle will always be close unlike her relationship with her mom. It was all very adorable.
Back home, Kroy and Kim put plans in motion for him to adopt Brielle and Arianna. Kim is greatly concerned about what to wear to court and finally selects a wide-legged jumpsuit that looked like a Victorian tennis costume and her serious wig. That jumpsuit ate Kim's whole body, the legs were sooo wide and long she looked like she was wearing a Muppet costume. Hideous!
In the courtroom the entire family goes through the adoption process and Kroy explains how much he wants to be a part of the girls' lives. Their father(s?) waived their rights to paternity and Kim says they never provided for either girl anyway. Everyone seems happy and it was a great scene. Congratulations Biermanns.
And speaking of congratulations, Kim has been feeling very tired lately. Kroy decides she either has mono or is knocked up. Kim calls her stylist because she's afraid to be photographed or recognized buying pregnancy tests at the pharmacy. She wants Shun to get them for her. Kim invites Shun over for Mission Conception and reveals that she needs her to covertly buy like 15 tests so she can make sure, make sure.
Shun goes into some super low-budget looking drug store (was it a pop-up store?) and buys out all the pregnancy tests in stock and throws in a condom for good measure. She calls the experience totally embarrassing. Agreed!
At home Kim gets out the "good china", aka her red solo cup, pees in it and dunks about 10 tests in there. Of course, they all come up "knocked up".
Kim is happy but surprised (and drops a plethora of F-bombs to convey this) even as she holds up the IUD she removed. Dammit – I just lost 8lbs she tells us before explaining that she's going to turn into a marshmallow filled with cellulite, blobs, and puffy parts due to pregnancy. Kim says no matter what – even if it's a boy – this is the last one. Seriously, the Wiggmans are about to repopulate the planet. It's gonna be like one of those crazy sci-fi films where an entire town is taken over by a group of be-wigged aliens or something. Welcome to the Twilight Zone…
Finally the family goes to check out progress on the new dream home, which is still nowhere near completion. Kim whines about how much work it is to pick out door knobs for 11 bathrooms and paint for like 40 rooms. What else does she have to do all day? But the house looks nice, albeit gaudy, so far.
Then Kim and Kroy tell Brielle and Arianna the good news – another baby is on the way! Brielle does not look happy. She is so about to get start sprinkling birth control in Kim's lattes. Brielle informs Kim that she doesn't even spend time with the kids she has, well the old kids she has, but Kim assures her she will make sure to include Brielle more. Since Brielle will be out of the house in two years, Kim is hopeful she'll have a daughter to replace her. Kroy realistically reminds her that even if Brielle moves out she'll still be like, around.
Proving that this baby thing is legit, Kim and Kroy show off an ultrasound! The baby has got a wig on so they're certain it came from Kim's uterus. Actually Kim and Kroy drew blonde hair and blue eyes on the photo to tease Brielle about how she'll have a little sister with her dream looks.
Afterward the go outside to look at the pool and Brielle steps in dog-shitty mud while wearing her Versace flipflops. Poor Brielle…
Congratulations to the Biermanns on the new arrival. And everything else.
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – DO YOU THINK KIM AND KROY WILL HAVE A BOY OR A GIRL? THOUGHTS ON THE NEW DREAM HOME?
