game of crowns2

In this week’s Game of Crowns, we revisit the fallout of Nick’s rampage at the Mrs. America pageant. Susanna Paliotta’s daughter shows us how to “LOL.” And there’s a lot of tea and bagels showing up. It’s sort of a snooze-fest, but it’s all in preparation for the upcoming Mrs. New England States pageant, which is right around the corner.  

We begin at Shelley Carbone’s CT home where she is in the kitchen talking to her 3 kids and setting a good example for her children by…feeding them. And the dog. She reminds the kids that they need to finish up their homework so they can all head to Lynne Diamante’s tea party later.

Over in RI, Lynne is helping her daughter get ready for said tea party as Susanna shows up with her daughter, Bella, in tow. The tea “salon” Lynne has set up is Lebanese Cinderella themed and there is some sort of sad, droopy garland/streamer thing hanging haphazardly from the ceiling. Shelley arrives with her 2 daughters and interviews that she thinks it’s wack that Lynne has a tea salon in her home, but that it’s beautiful all the same. Zing! Shelley of the backhanded compliments reigns supreme.


Susanna says that they’re trying to teach Bella to “act fancy,” which for Bella means licking tables and dancing a jig in the corner on a sugar high. Shelley is not impressed. Bella is also apparently headlining some sort of fashion show and wants to invite the other daughters along to see her debut her new song, LOL. All I have to say is, well…LOL.

Lynne launches into the death threat that she allegedly received at Nick’s hands in AZ. She claims Nick said, “I’ll kill you” to her at a time when no cameras caught it and none of the other women heard it. So. There’s that. Susanna seems sympathetic but Shelley doesn’t buy it for a hot minute. The ladies then sniff the garden on Lynne’s head. Then a price tag falls off of it.

Back in CT, Leha Guilmette visits Vanassa Sebastian’s house armed with a bouquet (of friendship!?) and Vanessa offers her baked goods a’plenty to fatten her up. Pounds by Panera. Vanassa cuts right to the chase to discuss the Nick fiasco in AZ. Leah doesn’t believe Nick threatened Lynne’s life, nor does Vanassa (ahem, nor does the world at large). Vanassa then broaches the bigger picture item here: i.e., is Nick as crazy/unhinged/scary at home with Leha as he is in public? Leha vehemently denies that Nick has ever physically threatened or harmed her, minimizing his behavior as his itty bitty “hot temper.” The fact that Nick has serious probs has been established, good people of the jury. Just how deep these probs go is a giant question mark at this point though. The fact that Lynne has derailed the actual death threat (to Susanna’s husband via Nick’s father) by her weird fictionalized drama is a kind of making me a little crazy right now too. Why isn’t anyone discussing the REAL death threat???

In another part of CT, Lori-Ann Marchese is making meatballs with her mom. He mom is ready for Lori-Ann to reproduce, but Lori-Ann is not ready for her husband to “plant that seed.” Eww. Lori-Ann reminds us that her family are her biggest supporters and have always taught her to tell people to “Go F*** themselves!” if they don’t like her. I hope she uses this line on Vanassa STAT. Lori-Ann is sick of the pageant ladies telling her to fit a certain mold and declares that she is “going in sexy” to the next pageant (Red Robin revival?). She then eats like a truck driver and burns everyone’s steak.  

Back in RI, Bella is practicing for her debut performance at the fashion show venue. As she prances to and fro on the runway (with a Janet Jackson mic strapped to her head, yo!), Susanna screeches “more ENERGY!!” at her from the sidelines. This scene likely mirrors every.single.moment of Bella’s life up to this exact point in time. We’re reminded that Bella has retired from pageants because she was at the top of her game. And – oh my god – Susanna shares that she and Bella actually co-wrote her song, LOL, to shut down all the haters out there. Again, future therapists of Bella: I give you another episode of GOC as evidence. Please treat her kindly.

Lynne and Shelley show up to the fashion show with their daughters. Lynne is as delusional about her daughter as Susanna is, but Shelley is sort of horrified by the display of little girls sashaying down the runway (pageant remorse?). She wants her girls to have fun, but not to turn into little monsters who do the pouty face on stage for a panel of D-list judges. So basically she doesn’t want her girls to be like her. Bella does her LOL number to an auto-tuned lip sync track and Shelley looks increasingly horrified. Susanna is thrilled and inspired by her mini-me.

To recover from that scene, we’re taken to the hospital where Vanassa works as a certified nurse anesthetist. She takes a break from her serious work in the operating room to call Shelley in the hallway, inviting her to a breast cancer awareness walk. I can’t help but wonder how Vanassa gets away with wearing her Jersey Shore lacquered nails and enormously gaudy wedding ring in what should be a sterile environment. I also wonder what patients are thinking as her frozen cake-face approaches them slowly with an IV bag. Shelley agrees to attend the charity walk.  

Susanna and her hubby, Tony, are dining out with Leha and Nick. Leah shows up in jeans and Susanna is wearing a sawed-off pageant dress. Leha launches into how hurt she is by the ladies all placing bets on Lori-Ann and her in the Mrs. America pageant. Susanna back-peddles and claims to be Leha’s biggest supporter. Nick looks like he’s roided up and ready to fire back, but Tony steps in to offer up a sweeping “fugghetaboutit” statement. Leha says that she’s most upset about people thinking she’s being abused at home. She reminds us that Nick is a cop and that these sorts of accusations could damage his career. Watching this scene go down in the aftermath of Nick assaulting and biting Vanassa’s husband’s ear (2 weeks ago!!) is partly sad, but mostly ridiculous. Nick’s head looks like it’s going to literally rocket-launch off of his short little body during the entire dinner, so he’s not his own best representative in the “I AM A CALM, RATIONAL PERSON!” category either.

Lori-Ann is at the gym getting trained by her husband, John, who is the only person she trusts to train her. Is it his constant verbal abuse or his inventive use of rings, jump ropes, and barbells that she loves most? He’s a keeper.

The total fashion disaster that is Lynne walks into a restaurant to meet Leha for lunch. Leha confronts Lynne about her claim that Nick threatened to kill her. Lynne dances around the question, never delivering a straight answer. She decides instead to redirect the conversation down Insult Alley by divulging that all of the ladies called Leha a 40-Footer, a Pig with Lipstick, a Dude, and – a crowd favorite – a Man-Vestite. Leha interviews how deeply hurt she is by all of this. Way to support your friend here, ladies-who-wear-hideous-matching-jumpsuits-and-dye-your-damn-hair-blue! Instead of breaking down in front of Lynne, though, Leha instead steers the conversation back to the alleged death threat. Lynne continues to evade the question and is so mealy-mouthed and dumb as a box of rocks at this point that I almost wish someone would threaten her. Like right now.

Lynne ends lunch by accusing Nick of abusing Leha at home, tipping Leha off that it may be Lynne who’s started these domestic abuse rumors in the first place. (Leha, sweetie…let’s be clear: your cray-zee husband started these rumors by acting a fool in public.) Leha starts crying and I can’t help feeling bad for her on many levels. She does basically end her friendship with Lynne right there and then though, which is a first step in the right direction. Lynne interviews that she is “tremendously hurt” and “it’s a huge loss” and…pffffffffft. Whatever, Smurfette. Leha is surrounded by delusional and scary people – her husband included – and I am now just rooting for her to get out of all of this alive.     


Recap Author: Erin M.

Photo Credit: Bravo TV

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