The Real Housewives of Melbourne Recap – The Morning After

 Real Housewives of Melbourne

 In this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne, some of the ladies hit the slopes while the other help Janet prep for a first date.  

The big weekend has arrived for Jackie Gillies and Andrea Moss to ski at Lydia Schiavello’s home in Thredbo.  Jackie and Andrea are loading up their luggage with fur scarfs (that have pockets – genius!) and non-quail feather-stuffed jackets.  Andrea’s husband is stoked to nosh on pizza, chips and any other crappy food that he can get his hands on while she is away.  After a long ride, Lydia welcomes them to her home that she just spent time redecorating.  Mind you the house has no paint on the walls and she put up a collage of white picture frames with family photos in it.  Just a reminder that she is in school for interior design and the place looks like she threw together some pieces from IKEA. 

Back in Melbourne, Chyka Keebaugh and Gina Liano meet up with Janet Roach as she preps for her first date she’s had in 17 years!  We’re finding out that she’s a bit of a cougar (rather a sabre tooth tiger) and dating a dude that is 35 years old (half the age of her Ex – yikes!). 

Shifting gears to the ski house, Lydia informs the ladies that she buys like 5 new ski outfits every weekend and they decide to do a little fashion show trying on all the gear. Next up, is a nice quiet dinner out on the town.  They rehash Jackie’s party and the awkward confrontation with GinaAndrea throws a couple digs out there about Gina’s look with the tan and her highlighter color outfits.  Lydia wishes Andrea would back off a bit.  However, I’m happy someone in the group thinks Gina’s style is whack and said it out loud!  I think Andrea is hammered on this first trip away from the fam as she is throwing some daggers about Gina’s hair and make-up. 

There’s another fashion show going on in Janet’s hotel room modeling dresses for her big date.  Surprisingly, Gina recommends a black outfit after she also notes that she has a strong history in fashion and knows what’s going on (riiiiight).  I’m excited for Janet to start this next chapter in life because she is really sweet and I sort of feel sorry for her.  She meets Marty, her date, (I hate that necklace he is wearing with his suit) and they seem to hit it off right away.  In the background, Chyka and Gina sneak into the joint to spy on Janet.  Gina’s shocked that her date looked so sophisticated and manly (?) for being a toy-boy (I think she meant boy-toy).  Janet drops the bomb that her hotel room is gorgeous and essentially that he would look great in her bed.  Holy $hit – Janet does not mess around.

With fresh snow on the slopes, Lydia arranges for Andrea and Jackie to take lessons prior to heading up the mountain.  After some success at moving on the skis, they hop on the lift to take the plunge.  To be blunt, Jackie stinks at skiing.  Andrea blows by them in her designer duds, which apparently gives the appearance like she knows what she’s doing.  Lydia is considered a pro and whisks down the black diamond moguls as she laundry lists the destinations she’s skied before.  I swear if Lydia wasn’t allowed to name drop anything I think she would become a mute.  Her personality is terrible and she is too materialistic.

Janet on the other hand, is hungover and tired after her sleepover date.  Gina and Chyka swing by the hotel to hear all the deets from the night/morning after.  Janet explains the mutual understanding her date Martin and her have going forward – basically, they can bone whenever they feel like it and be free to bone other people as well.  Janet is one cool chick.  The ski bunnies are slamming shots and call Janet to hear about her date with the young buck.  Janet discreetly shares only minor details and invites them to her drag queen bday party in a few days (Lydia manages to quietly squeeze in a Gina drag queen jab – nice!).

After the call, they stroll over to a boutique that resembles a goodwill store with the most random hats, jackets and scarves I’ve ever seen.  Andrea tries on this hideous leopard print puffy velour coat with a matching beret thingy and it’s FUGLY!  Jackie loves it because it looks like she just walked out of a Metallica video.  Huh?? A terrible benchmark for fashion sense, Jackie!  Never utter those words again!  And did Andrea get electrocuted on the slopes? Her hair is like the bride of Frankenstein in this scene. 

Gina, Chyka and Janet continue their day at the hotel with a mani/pedi treat.  Chyka gets right into it and asks Gina what her thoughts were on Jackie’s housewarming party.  This is where Gina’s story gets weird.  She starts to say that she does feel that Jackie is gifted but her source wasn’t good and that Gina feels her grandmother would never have been behind her in spirit, she would have been in front of her.  Apparently, when she was diagnosed with cancer, Gina told all her spirits to go behind her and now Gina has totally lost me.  Janet was like “Um…Lydia is mischief” and nodded.  What just happened??  Either way, Gina is miffed about Lydia and we haven’t heard the end of that, unfortunately.

On the last night in Thredbo, the ladies are hanging around the fire sipping champs and chatting away.  Lydia starts the convo off with a ridiculous statement, “The best thing about women and men, or a couple, or an incredibly wealthy family is when you’re so damn genuine and understated (2 things Lydia is NOT btw) you almost feel that kids today are chasing the dollar.  And it’s really sad”.  Okay, what??? If this isn’t the pot calling the kettle black!  Lydia talks about having money and spending money 24/7!!!  If she feels that way, it’s probs because she is setting the absolute WORST example for her kids.  Ugh, Lydia is the least self-aware person I’ve ever seen.  Andrea chimes in that she gives her kids a meager weekly allowance for chores and I actually believe her.  She mentions how she started out waiting tables and supporting herself. Then I despise her with the next sentence that comes out of her mouth.  She lets it slip that it has taken her 12 years to turn her husband into the perfect husband for her.  Ouch, Dr. Moss! Lydia is aggressively nodding and can totally relate.  You know, it takes some time to warm up to the fact that your husband has old balls and makes you sign creepy obligatory sex contracts, but once you mold him into what you want, then it’s smooth sailing from there!  I expected this to come out of Lydia’s mouth before she even said it but I’m disappointed in Andrea.  On the exact opposite other hand, Jackie thinks these ladies are nutso and she accepts her husband for who he is like a normal person would do.  Despite the husband bashing, Jackie doesn’t mind spending time with these crazy gals and is glad she is accepted into the crew. 

 Next episode they are STILL talking about the Gina/Jackie fight and snooze…this fight needs to end ASAP!


Recap Author: Bonnie K.

Photo Credit: Bravo