Little Women: NY Recap: Burlesque Brawl

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It’s only the third episode of Little Women: NY and the brawls, they are a’brewin’. Last night, Jordanna James rounds up a few of the ladies (and Jason Perez, because…why not?) to join her in a burlesque show she’s producing, Lila Call gets back into the dating scene, and Jazmin Lang confronts her fears (mainly in the form of sister-in-law Dawn Lang) about becoming a little person performer. Misty Irwin also sacrificially offers up her boyfriend, Joe, on the altar of parental approval.  

We open up at lunch with Jordanna asking Kristin Zettlemoyer, Jason and Jazmin to perform in a burlesque show she’s putting on a week from now. She cold opens with the very serious question, “Can you twerk?” Her burlesque group, called Sass n’ Betties, is a group of bada$$ women, says Jordanna, who don’t tailor their choreography to work specifically with little people. So she expects the girls – and Jason – to step up. Jordanna also reminds us repeatedly that she’s a Broadway performer (little NeNe?) so she’s got expectations, yo! Jazmin is concerned with transitioning from business school to performer, and she’s already got the heat on her from sister-in-law Dawn who thinks little people performers drag the entire world of little people back into the dark ages. Besides being cast as an elf, Dawn doesn’t see much of a future in it. Dawn’s brother – Jazmin’s husband – is supportive of her performing dreams, though. So Jazmin agrees to debut her, uh, talents in Jordanna’s show. The group raises their glasses to Jazmin’s new adventure.

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Meanwhile at a coffee shop, Lila is updating her online dating profile because after having been sober for awhile now, she’s ready to get back in the game. Jason meets her to snap some weird pics of her stirring coffee, looking like she’s allergic to a flashbulb, and typing. #profilepicsbybravo Lila flat out refuses to list her specific height on her profile, citing the many pervs she claims are out there just waiting to throw the like of her into a hole and demand “it rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again!” After “testing” Jordanna’s boyfriend 2 episodes ago over whether he was a fetishist or not, and now comparing potential suitors to the freaking serial killer in Silence of the Lambs, I wonder if Lila’s got some fear/trust issues going on? Or maybe Joe Gnoffo scarred her for life. Let’s go with that!

Speaking of pervs, the topic comes up once again when Jazmin asks her hubby David if it’s okay that she dances in Jordanna’s burlesque show. He claims it’s going to be a bunch of sketchy men in the audience looking at them shake their thangs, but as long as there’s no touching or lap dances, he’s cool. Jazmin shows him her 

Jordanna gathers the group for burlesque rehearsals. Misty joins Kristin, Jazmin, and Jason as the “guest stars” here to do Jordanna’s bidding. After Jordanna outfits Jazmin and Jason in practically matching sequined hot pants (Jason refused the banana hammock, damn!), Misty sort of participates, then lies that she’s got other work to do, so she’s outie. She interviews that she actually needs to go to dinner with her mom and boyfriend, who are meeting for the FIRST time tonight, but she doesn’t want to tell Jordanna that because she knows Jordanna will just rip into her. Hmmm. We’re seeing some setup for the Jordanna emerging as the queen bee of this group, despite the network’s initial push for wackadoodle Lila to be front and center. Interesting.

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Misty meets her boyfriend of 7 months, Joe, for dinner. They met online and he goes to college in Massachusetts, but they’re making it work so far. Misty’s parents travel from Louisiana in full fur coats (for her) and down coat (for him) to grill – and I mean GRILL – poor Joe. They run down their list of basic questions. Have you been married? Kids? Dated girls before? Are you intimate with my daughter? What are your intentions with MY daughter!?!?!? Misty says parents of little people tend to be overprotective, and southern parents tend to be overprotective. So, double dose then. Misty’s dad does tell her he’s proud of her making it in the “big city” on her own later that evening, though, and says he thinks Joe is ultimately a nice guy.

Jason is still trying to help Lila find a nice guy of her own, so he takes her to a psychic. Ummmmkay. The psychic tells Lila a lot of things about nature, grace, energy, and blahblahblah. Lila questions Jason’s angle on this whole dating help angle, but she gives him a pass on it this time.

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At Lila’s house later, Dawn and Jazmin come over for a visit. Jazmin’s finally worked up the courage to tell them about her burlesque performance, which is coming up the next night. Dawn questions why Jazmin would start off her performing career in a half-naked dance show. When Jazmin tells Dawn that David’s okay with it, Dawn says, “Well then he’s not acting like a good husband.” WOW. Lila sits back making lemon-sucking faces while the sisters-in-law bicker, probably just thrilled that she’s not at the center of the storm this time. Dawn claims that general audiences see little people dancing as gimmicky and funny, not serious and sexy. Jazmin doesn’t agree that she’s making a mockery of herself, but Dawn can yell louder so she “wins” this time, I guess. Dawn interviews that she loves Jazmin, but Jazmin needs a reality check. Lila agrees to go to the show to support Jazmin, while Dawn just snarks, “I’ll check my schedule.”

At the dress rehearsal before Jordanna’s burlesque show, everyone’s there except Misty. When Misty walks in, Jordanna confronts her on being less than 100% committed, but Misty just chirps, “sorry” and keeps it movin. Jordanna claims the audience will be chock full o’ agents and Broadway insiders, so the show’s got to be perfect. And filled with first time performers who she just asked “Do you twerk?” last week? There’s one audience member who’s looking to get legit judgy and/or drunk: Dawn. She sits among the half-filled room (like, seriously, who’s supposed to be in this audience of “insiders”!?)

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After the performance, which Jazmin looks great in, Dawn decides to unleash her truth on the group as if this were a deathbed confession. She says “It was cute, but you kind of looked like you were just bopping around to the same tune.” Dawn interviews that little peoples’ parents always make them feel good about everything they do, but at some point little people have to realize they’re not as talented as mom and dad think. Ouch! She then tells Jordanna that the whole shebang looked like a circus, which every performance of more than 2 little people looks like (to Dawn). Jordanna and Kristin call Dawn out for having self esteem issues of her own, so she needs to stop projecting her low self worth on the entire group. Jazmin finally pipes up to defend herself, saying she’s more than just a little person so she doesn’t want Dawn to keep pigeonholing her. Jordanna mistakenly keeps trying to convince Dawn of the value of little people performers, but Dawn stands firm. She even takes it to another level by comparing little people working for free (ahem, like all of them in this show) being akin to slavery. 

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Outside the show, Jordanna gets more heated complaining to Jazmin about what a b*tchface (Jason’s words!) her sister in law is. Dawn tries to apologize to Jazmin by telling her that she’s sorry if she upset her, but that this whole show was a joke. Nice apology. Then she screams at Jordanna that the only reason she’s on Broadway is because she’s a little person, period. Jordanna does a lot of “No you didn’t!” screeching from the road before marching off into the night. Jazmin leaves in tears while Dawn just stands there in a huff, wondering why all of her friends aren’t willing to join her in her human rights rally. Did Dawn every hear the expression, you catch more flies with honey? 

TELL US: DO YOU AGREE WITH DAWN ABOUT LITTLE PEOPLE PERFORMERS? SHOULD JAZMIN CONTINUE HER QUEST TO PERFORM?  

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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