Real Housewives of Melbourne Recap – Look Out Sydney!

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It’s game time in Melbourne this week! Most of the Real Housewives of Melbourne ladies gather at the big AFL game and have champs to catch up. Chyka Keebaugh’s company is behind the scenes running the catering and event planning which looks fantastic.

Everyone is dressed to impress – sans Jackie Gillies and Gina Liano, the ladies look really great! I don’t see too much glitter from anyone with the exception of Pettifleur Berenger . I’m having a real hard time understanding her style. I think she walked in with sparkly blue jeggings on or maybe it was sparkly doilies glues on the sides of jeggings, I couldn’t tell. Pettifleur’s style is um, kinda tacky. Gamble Breaux is rocking some serious two-tone hair and I have to say, with minimal make-up and her hair completely straightened – she looks fierce. Then she opens her mouth. Herein lies the problem. Lydia declines champs and Gamble blurts out the question if she’s pregnant. Oh man. Lydia is incredibly offended and sort of laughs it off. At least Gamble recognizes in her interview that was a poor choice of words.

As the ladies are “tailgating” (think Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic vibe), Pettifleur inquires to Gamble about her job as an art consultant. Gamble mumbles (I’m starting to think we might need subtitles for her) about watching portraits for a wealthy family and that she works at a gallery or something. I couldn’t quite get it and neither could Pettifleur. Pettifleur presses with a few more questions such as “Tell me in a simple sentence what you do” and Gamble was so annoyed. She couldn’t really explain it. Like, what do you do Gamble?? I’m still confused. About a half hour later, when the ladies are chatting with Pettifleur, Gamble takes advantage of the opp and grills Pettifleur about her business. Pettifleur aptly call Gamble “the Payback bitch”. Gamble pulled this move with the whole Janet Roach heroin comment in their last tiff, so this may be her MO. It’s was glaringly obvious that she was doing that and it was childish of Gamble.

Gamble switches gears and tries to lighten the mood after thinking Lydia Schiavello was preggers and pulls out her phone to say she heard that Lydia’s Barbie name would be “S&M Barbie” – Lydia, already super miffed with Gamble is like “No thanks, It’s Lydia Schiavello”. Um, Lydia, take a joke! Then Janet tries to bring up the whole Gamble fight from eons ago and declares that Chyka’s Barbie name should be Slither Barbie. This falls flat – Janet stop! Chyka flatly says, “Yeah, no that’s not the case, you see I owned what I said immediately and apologized, so…yeah”.

Lydia finally spills the beans about why she is annoyed with Gamble. She said she didn’t appreciate gamble giggling last week at the dinner when she was talking about her dead son. Gamble again can’t seem to articulate a clear answer but does apologize right away, so points for both Gamble and Lydia for bringing up an issue right away and resolving on the spot. A housewife first?! Yay! Conflict resolution in about 8 seconds.

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Later that week, we see Gamble packing her suitcase as she is planning a girl’s trip to head back to her hometown of Sydney. Her fiancé, Rick is giving her some seriously sensible advice about putting the past behind her with Janet and just enjoy the trip. Amen! Across town, Jackie and Chyka have lunch at Chyka’s incredibly charming home (think shabby chic meets Elle home) and are planning to have some strippers at her bachelorette party (also known as a “hen party”). This should be good!

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Once Gina, Janet and Pettifleur meet Gamble in Sydney and holy crap they are all wearing gold/cream tight as hell cocktail dresses. And this was not planned. All of them in gold. I can’t. I just can’t. As they head out on the town, Gamble’s friend Lisa from the art world joins them. They arrive at the gallery party for Gamble’s old boss and it has all of Sydney’s socialites. It was full of interesting people and one in a particular is Gamble’s sister, Tempest. Temptest blew her lid on Janet about making up those rumors that Gamble was a stripper. Janet is over it and walks out. Gamble follows her and the gold dress brigade is on the loose! Gamble tries to lure Janet back with champs and Janet wants none of it. Back at the gallery – Pettifleur is trying to calm Tempest down and it’s not happening. Tempest – butt out! The next day, the ladies (sans Janet) make it out to a yacht and cruise around Sydney. Omg, Pettifleur shows up wearing an actual sailor hat and dress. Being the least self-aware person on the planet, Pettifleur comments that her outfit is classy, sophisticated and stylish. Say what?? No. At least Gamble makes a speech and apologizes about the whole situation with Janet the night prior. This is was the most mature thing to ever come out of Gamble’s mouth to date.

Across the way in Melbourne, Jackie, Lydia and Chyka are playing croquet and having lunch. Such an adorable little afternoon, with a snazzy picnic and then Janet calls and tells the crew what happened last night at Gamble’s art gallery party. Then the lunch takes an evil turn. Well, for Lydia at least. She unleashes her inner beast of gossipy gossip and rips into Gamble (with a pretty spot-on impression of her) and Gina.   Lydia is still the witch from last season.

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Adorably it’s family dinner night at Chyka’s and the dynamic with her children. She’s teaching them how to cook and her BJ prepares the most delicious-looking mean a teenager could produce. I would love Chyka’s life for like a week – she’s my favorite – perhaps of all franchises!

The group in Sydney is meeting for dinner and Janet shows up! Janet has decided to stay in Sydney and put this whole stripper gate to rest. Good for Janet! Gamble is relieved Janet shows up and apologizes and then Gina inserts herself into the reconciliation. The bickering starts and good god, I don’t who recommends this next move, but everyone puts their hand in the middle of table like they are about to head out onto the basketball court and call a truce. Silence resumes afterwards and it’s a brilliant idea. The conversation turns a corner and it’s about how people could give two $hits about Pettifleur when she’s taking. They talk over her all the time. She’s a know-it-all they say. And it’s so true! She is – I notice this too that people just interrupt her constantly and talk over her because she is just so snotty and condescending and know-it-all-y! 

Recap Author: Bonnie K.


Photo Credit: Bravo TV