“Yeah, never thought I’d be on a boat. It’s a big blue watery road. Poseidon, look at me! Never thought I’d see the day, with a big boat comin’ my way…believe me when I say I f*&$ed a mermaid!” Well, not quite. Right, Emile? I hate to use Lonely Island’s song two weeks in a row (False. I LOVE everything about it), but given the theme of last night’s Below Deck, it was definitely fitting. Plus, who doesn’t love T-Pain?
The episode begins with Don Abenante douchily (new word?) peacing out on Captain Lee Rosbach and bosun Eddie Lucas. As he leaves the bridge, he summons Kate Chastain on to the deck as Eddie reveals the news to Amy Johnson. Don gripes to Kate about feeling under-appreciated and being called out for something as stupid as a quick ocean dip, and she supports his decision to leave if it’s not for him. Dean is napping while his guests lounge in the hot tub as the the tale of Don’s demise travels through the crew. Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is shocked, Connie Arias is thrilled, and Emile Kotze can’t imagine being a quitter. With Don back on solid ground, Rocky has once again set her sights on young Emile. Sure he’s immature, but that’s how she likes him. Chatting with Amy, Rocky determines that maybe Eddie would be a good conquest as well. Amy reminds her of Eddie’s long-time girlfriend, but Rocky doesn’t care.
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Always in need of being entertained, Dean has proposed a dive-off among the crew. He’s offered $500 cash to the winner of his makeshift competition. Rocky competed in the Junior Olympics, so she figures she has this money in the bag. As everyone but Chef Leon Walker suits up for main event, Lee commentates from the bridge. Amy is the first to take the plunge, and her performance is sub par at best. Eddie’s Dirty Sanchez fails to excite, and Kate gets points for her Gumby-esque full red scuba suit…but not much else. Rocky does a bit of strip tease with her nude bathing suit, and scores perfect tens for her flawless and difficult double flip dive. Given that everyone else basically just fell off the bow, she didn’t have to compete with much.
Dean and friends take a day excursion, and Kate and Amy transform the boat into Poseidon’s lair. Every guest will return to their own hand-made toga and props, with an invitation to a cocktail party and awards ceremony (for the diving contest, of course!). Emile and Rocky are both on break at the same time, and they spend it massaging each other in Emile’s bunk while Rocky laughs like a hyena. She admits that it’s been four years since she’s had a boyfriend. Color me surprised! Amy and Kate are thrilled about treating the guests with an over the top toga party, and Dean is over the moon when he returns to the yacht. Kate enlists Rocky to dust off her mermaid tail to entertain on the swim deck, and poor Emile is stripped down to play the role of Adonis. He’s humiliated, but he’s gotten Kate to promise him a back rub. Emile hates being made out to be a boy toy, but he does it oh so well!
On the deck, Dean oversees the first awards ceremony for the Eros divers. Needless to say, Rocky wins. Kate cajoles the guests to stay put as she plays a round of Greek trivia, citing that the crew needs to finish dinner prep. In reality, she’s allowing Rocky time to slither into her mermaid costume and surprise the charter guests. Everyone is floored when Rocky’s mermaid tail breaks through the water. Even Leon is keeping with the theme by cooking a Greek feast. Cleaning up after the festivities, Eddie chats with Kate and Amy about his girlfriend back home. They’ve been together for over three years, but it’s hard with the distance…he shares it’s going to be even harder since her forgot to call her before she went to bed. The following morning, Eddie tells Lee that Don’s absence isn’t as bad as he anticipated, given that Don never did what was asked of him anyway. Meanwhile, Amy is taking Rocky under her wing to teach her the ins-and-outs of being a stew. Gahhh, it’s just so much work. Like a lot. Too much. Amy is taken aback by Rocky’s complacency.
On the final day of the charter, Emile and Connie neglected to watch the line from the small boat which has been sucked into the yacht’s propeller. Lee is not happy. Eddie is tasked with donning scuba gear and diving under the boat to cut the line free. Everyone is scrambling to ensure a seamless return port given the recent debacle. For Dean, the third time is the charm as he heaps praise on the crew for an amazing charter. Did he put his money where is mouth is? As the crew gathers, Lee cites a few hiccups but a great charter overall. Everyone is more than happy with Dean’s generous tip, although Kate thinks she and Amy deserve Rocky’s portion.
Clearly smitten with his co-worker (I didn’t see this coming!), Emile approaches Captain Lee for permission to ask Rocky to join him for dinner off the boat. The Captain, a softie at heart, grants his request, and Rocky is squealing to the girls about her first date. It’s truly precious to see Emile primping for his dinner with Rocky, and as an added bonus, she’s a sure thing, so he won’t have to waste any of the roofies you readers are always joking about in the comments section! The preparation process is a team effort, with Amy helping with outfit selection and Leon spritzing Emile with cologne. Emile presents a maniacally laughing Rocky with a flower before they head out into the night. While their love blossoms, Eddie is arguing with his girlfriend over tensions in their relationship. At dinner, Rocky orders a bottle of wine for herself and a whiskey for Emile. Could she be a girl after my own heart? As Eddie’s conversation with his girlfriend gets more heated, he’s yelling about her infidelities before hanging up on her.
Throughout the meal, Rocky is spitting sexual innuendos left and right while ordering a sting of shots. Playing hard to get, she dodges his kiss as she questions his dating strategy. Wine, dine, and 69, baby!! Rocky realizes that Emile has been over served, so he is no longer useful to her. She’s dragging him out of the bar as Eddie laments about his situation to Kate. On their way back to the boat, Rocky strips down to her lingerie before diving in the ocean. She returns to the dock and lays covered in towels as a defeated Emile heads to his bunk to pass out cold. Rocky chalks up the date to, well, “nails on a chalkboard.” Not quite the love connection I would have predicted!
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WERE YOU SURPRISED TO SEE THAT EMILE AND ROCKY’S DATE WAS A BUST?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]