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Below Deck Recap

Kate Chastain Below Deck

Do male scorpions sting? Or is it females? Or both? On Below Deck everyone is feeling stung, which is maybe why they’re also lashing out.

Rhylee Gerber was doing fairly well after her pep talk from Captain Lee Rosbach saved her from getting fired, but a few crispy scorpions (and dickish deckhands) proved to be her undoing. Poor Rhylee – this is the worst case of gaslighting ever!

But first — sexyThaitimes! Alexis Bellino is still dry-humping her way to heaven. The former Real Housewives Of Orange County star is on board to celebrate her divorce from Jim by begging her new boyfriend to propose. Remember when Jesus Barbie aspired to be nothing more than the perfect Christian wife, toting a blinged-out bible to prayer practice (which obviously took place while simultaneously spinning)? Well Alexis abandoned that in a Coto Mansion. New Alexis is more Eve who ate the apple right off Drew Bohn‘s tree. Sadly we had to witness the whole thing.

Alexis Bellino Below Deck Real Housewives Of Orange County

On last night’s Below Deck there was a blast from the past when former Real Housewives of Orange County star Alexis Bellino was the charter guest. Guess who was nowhere to be found? JimBlob Bellino! Because Alexis was in Thailand to celebrate her divorce with new boyfriend Drew. Jesus Barbie take the wheel.

Also Rhylee Gerber did not get sacked! Despite Ashton Pienaar‘s attempted mutiny to have her fired, Captain Lee Rosbach saw through the BS to realize that Ashton needs to do his job as boson and work with his team.

Sadly for Rhylee not all victors get the spoils. Even though she kept her position the entire deck crew is now barely acknowledging her and keeping it at minimum civil. Plus Rhylee knows they all conspired to try and have her fired so even when they try to joke with her later she isn’t sure if it’s a dig or sincere sarcasm. But it has been well-established that all the men on this boat (except for Captain Lee) are complete and utter asses, and last night definitely reinforced it!

Ashton Pienaar Below Deck

This season of Below Deck is toxic in the extreme. Every single episode is like Game Of Thrones — with shammies and champagne. I need Xanax to even get through an episode of trying to figure out who’s the double-agent villain or the actual heroine.

I love Kate Chastain, and I cannot imagine enduring what’s happening on that boat with such a stiff upper lip, let alone rising above it, but I think we can all agree it was out of line for Kate to repeat to Rhylee Gerber that Ashton Pienaar blamed her for the fishing episode. Should Kate have spoken to Captain Lee Rosbach to disavow Ashton’s claims? Absolutely, but sharing it with Rhylee directly, when the situation is already so irascible, smacked of Kate wanting to enact some revenge. Ashton deserved it, but the fall guy (or girl) here is now Rhylee.

Kate Chastain Below Deck

This season of Below Deck is so utterly disappointed I’m actually dreading watching it. The unchecked misogyny is out of control and it’s disgusting the way almost the entire male crew is actively attempting to gaslight most of the female crew. The exception in both these cases seem to be Brian de Saint Pern and Courtney Skippon, who maybe are protected by a bubble of love. Or at least like. Like, that in Courtney’s case, is probably al dente.

After being physically threatened and screamed at by Ashton Pienaar in his drunken “Smashton’ state Kate Chastain has disappeared from the boat. She literally walks off into the night, telling the producers and film crew to fuck off.

I like to imagine production tracked Kate down and put her up in a 5-star hotel, then gave her a bonus a spa treatment. Kate must have felt incredibly afraid and uncomfortable to walk off into the night in a foreign country where she doesn’t speak the language or know anyone outside of the Super Yacht. The only person who is at all concerned and tries to stop her is Rhylee Gerber. And the next morning Rhylee is the only person who actually remembers what happened.

Kate Chastain Below Deck

I apologize for the delay in this recap, but I was suffused in a cookie-filled delirium that included nonstop holiday parties and preparations. With New Years Eve literally on the horizon, followed by our annual (MASSIVE) New Years Day brunch, I keep repeating to myself “Home Stretch!” Which is much like this season of Below Deck!

We are in the home stretch here and things are gonna get worse before they (hopefully) get better. In my case the thing that will get worse is my waistline! Please, please, please let some Good Samaritan break into my house and steal only the cookies, cakes, and other holiday treats before I turn into a marshmallow who roams around just absorbing other sweets until I am taking over the entirety of a grocery store in a mad quest for sugar.

Anyway, on with the show!

Kate Chastain Below Deck

This season of Below Deck is a total and utter clusterf–k! The crew isn’t getting along, the guests continue to be disappointed by something each week, and now we can add equipment malfunctions to the lists. Good times!

After Kate Chastain sorted laundry on the crew mess floor in front of Captain Lee Rosbach, who seriously looked on as impassively as if he was an insomniac flicking through informercials at 3am, Ashton Pienaar blows a gasket about how Kate treating the crew so callously has created a culture where no one wants to work with her. Really?

Kate is so upset she bursts into tears and winds up falling asleep sobbing as Rhylee Gerber strokes her back and covers her. Which was sweet. Have we ever seen emotions other than anger for Kate? Have we entered a new dimension?

Kate Chastain Below Deck

Last night’s Below Deck was brought to you by booze and the patriarchy, which, as history has shown us time and time again, is a terrible combination. Luckily we had Rhylee Gerber to be a good counterbalance! Well, kinda.

After a short easy charter of moms wanting to relive their glory days chasing Captain Lee The Grateful Dead, Captain Lee rewards the crew with a mid-season skip day. Usually this means binge drinking at a touristy resort, but Thailand’s added bonus means they get to spend an additional afternoon off at an elephant sanctuary. 

Below Deck Courtney Skippon Simone Mashile Tanner Sterback

So much déclassé about last night’s Below Deck. Also so many jelly fish. Everywhere. Simone Mashile won some and lost some. She seems like such a nice girl, but unprepared to swim in the real world, and the sharks were circling!

Despite the explosive fight Rhylee Gerber had with Ashton Pienaar and Kevin Dobson over appetizers, the crew still decides to hit the bar. I’m guessing since they were arguing OVER APPETIZERS no one even got to the main course. Maybe the reason they all got so insanely drunk was the result of low stomach contents?

Although Rhylee behaved badly, Kate Chastain still sides with her. Why? It’s because Kevin is a giant obnoxious gob of obnoxious gobbiness. To whit, he is screaming nonsense at the bar and so hammered he can barely function.