Raquel Bartlow

Take us back to dock, Jimmy Buffett…”I used to rule my world from a pay phone and ships out on the sea; but now times are rough, and I got too much stuff–can’t explain the likes of me. But there’s this one particular harbor, so far but yet so near; where I see the days as they fade away, and finally disappear.” Thanks for joining us for Below Deck’s final voyage on the Eros, at least for this season. Can we say cray-cray? Thank goodness Captain Lee Rosbach was able to keep is alpha cool among all the chaos!

The episode begins with Amy Johnson and Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow warning Emile Kotze that confronting Eddie Lucas about his spin cycle affair with Rocky is a bad idea. Well, Amy is doing most of the warning…Rocky is licking her chops and trying to hide her “my plan is working!” grin. Rocky then asks is Amy is jealous of laundry room liaisons with Eddie given Amy’s long-time crush on the bosun. There’s nothing like salt in the wound, right readers? The confusing charter guests are in full swing. Who are these girls? Why did these two guys who are clearly getting nada from their ladies paying for them to be on a chartered yacht? The girls look at the two primary guests as photographers who can capture their every moment flanked by Emile and Eddie. 

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Last night’s Below Deck was setting the scene for quite an explosive finale, and I cannot wait. I am just sick about the season ending…one might say I’m seasick over it all. I am also sick-sick and popping antibiotics and fighting off a recurring fever, but it’s clear that there was no denying the heat between everyone’s favorite first stew and a chef whose eyebrows don’t scare the living bejezzus out of me! Let’s “dive in,” shall we? Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow needs a friend to talk to, so she finds Emile Kotze to tell him about her tryst with Eddie Lucas, and he’s not even sure how to respond? High five? Congratulations? He laughs bitterly and settles on,”I can’t believe he got it in and I didn’t.” She shares the juicy details (where, how many times, what it was like) and brags that she has evidence on her phone in the form of horny text messages from Eddie. She’s glad Emile is such a great pal who is willing to listen. I’m concerned Emile’s head is going to explode, but he remains loyal to his favorite tease. Speaking of teasing, Ben Robinson questions Kate Chastain about the lingerie she’s wearing, and she coyly details her lacy bra, admitting to going commando elsewhere. 

The charter guests are two real estate moguls and their four pretty girlfriends (that’s right…four). Ben remarks that the women are gorgeous, and Kate manages an awkward smile. In the galley, Rocky tries to have some semblance of a normal relationship with Eddie, but he’s not having any of it. He’s beyond excited to be over with this charter. He’s never been more thrilled to get off a yacht. Not only is my once favorite bosun being unnecessarily mean, Eddie pulls a giant douche move and accuses Rocky of seducing him with the knowledge he had a girlfriend. No. Just no. Last time I checked, Eddie’s loyalty, not Rocky’s, was owed to his girlfriend. Later, he tries to tease Emile over breakfast, but Emile is livid at his superior for stealing his girl. When Eddie doesn’t get a reaction, he starts barking orders with Emile walking out mid-command. Emile and Connie Arias are snipping at each other as they ready the sun deck. A crabby Emile whines about everything, which Connie labeling him a “little bitch.” He retaliates by calling her a whore. He’s such a catch. 

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