Back to back nights of reunion specials are always a little much and that couldn’t be truer than with the Shahs of Sunset. It’s just a lot to handle and I think most of us can agree that we need the Shahs in small, weekly doses. But if part one of the reunion could be summed up as evil eyes, extra marital affairs, and extensions, part two’s theme should be business schemes, standup routines, and sex tapes that no one has seen.
We pick up from last night with Vida sitting back and watching the destruction she caused after throwing her patented Criticism Grenade into the heart of the crew. Mercedes “MJ” Javid and Asa Soltan Rahmati are still going at it and MJ really has an axe to grind here. Tommy Feight, drinks his free champagne and is happy as a clam, completely unaffected by the drama going on around him. If anyone can handle dating someone on a reality show, I’m starting to think it is Tommy.
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Andy Cohen probably has a raging headache so he decides to call a break and Mike Shouhed, who has apparently discovered pancake makeup and contouring in his downtime from Shahs, follows MJ back to her trailer. He informs her that she is starting to look a little Vida-ish with the way she is treating Asa. She tries to defend herself but when Tommy agrees and tells her she is too beautiful to be so hostile towards someone, she has no choice but to simmer down and listen to that sweet little meatball of a fiancé she has.
Now that Andy has popped a Xanax (if he’s smart) and taken some time to recover, he decides to jump right back in and throw some shade on Mike. Thanks to a viewer question, Andy wants to know how Mike went from commercial real estate to selling shoes. Mike wants to clarify – he doesn’t sell shoes, he manufactures them. Is that sort of like how you just flirt women but don’t actually cheat on your wife? All spin aside, Mike didn’t know Kitson was going out of business and his shoes are now sold exclusively (lol) on his website.
I guess being the King of a Shoe Empire that exists only on your own personal website requires a lot of wisdom and motivation, so Andy continues to dig in by treating us to Mike’s best Instagram selfies and accompanying motivational quotes. Mike hashtags “wisdom” a lot but can’t seem to find a way to not let that one troll get into his head when they message him, despite all the DMs he gets from followers who are so inspired by his car selfies. #isitreallyonlyonetrollthough
Keeping the short lived business venture talks going, Andy turns to Asa for updates on her kaftans (which are being picked up by Nordstrom) and Diamond Water (which still exists but is only served in one restaurant in Dubai that likely hasn’t run through their stock yet).
As if talking about shoe manufacturing and kaftan slinging wasn’t bad enough, now we have to endure reliving Reza Farahan’s standup routines. I was really hoping no one would have to be subjected to Reza’s turd of a comedy set ever again, but Bravo loves to bring the pain. Reza describes himself as a combination of being funny as f**k and having zero f**ks to give. Mike says he thinks Reza is witty and hilarious and Shervin gives props to Reza for doing “like, the hardest thing”. Because of all that smoke up his not-even-close-to-funny-ass, Reza isn’t giving up on comedy and reveals he is going to be starring in a play where he dresses in drag and is like the Persian Madea. I’m sure you can order your tickets on Mike’s shoe website.
On a totally different topic, a viewer wants to know why we don’t get to hear about Asa’s relationship with her long-term boyfriend, Jermaine Jackson Jr. Asa says Jermaine doesn’t want to be on camera and of course, MJ is resentful that Asa is guarded about her relationship and therefore, not being real. Asa spits back that if she wants to get real, MJ should stop acting like she really sells real estate and admit she just makes her money from the show. MJ starts screaming that she has nothing to hide but be careful, MJ – I can only imagine how many secrets Asa can shake out from under that wig of yours.
Viewers have picked up on the chemistry between Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi and Shervin Roohparvar but they insist they have never hooked up. Shervin admits he probably does enable her too much and that turns into Reza accusing him of playing peacemaker to pander to the fans.
Reza, who wouldn’t understand peace if it hit him in the mustache, can’t even handle a viewer question that he already knew about because he was reading Andy’s cards ahead of time. The viewer lists off all the friends Reza has screwed over on Shahs and wants to know if Asa is worried she is next. Asa is not and even Mike, who got one of the biggest friendship screws from Reza, jumps to his defense. I wonder how long this new and improved buddy act is going to last.
Let’s take a little walk down Illness Journey Lane, shall we? First, GG will define it for us: RA stands for rheumatoid arthritis (thanks for breaking that down for us, GG) and she has been dealing with it for six years now. Reza doesn’t feel bad for doubting GG’s health even after seeing her get chemo because he says it was an infusion, not a high enough level of chemo to actually be considered chemo. How does he know this, you ask? Because he went to a rheumatologist to investigate and fact check all of GG’s claims. #timeonyourhands
Shervin defends GG and says she definitely has RA (which I agree with) but he has an issue with her using the terminology of chemo. Because of a family situation, Shervin is actually educated enough about it to explain the difference between chemo and what GG was treated with, which for the record, wasn’t exactly considered chemo. Andy clarifies that what people are mad about is that GG didn’t make a distinction of how serious her treatment was and GG screams it was a mistake.
Now we have to deal with the whole Reza sex tape debacle. Apparently, GG has been holding this information for a while (five years) and angrily admits that she lied about having the video. A viewer question comes in saying that GG must have been hurt or abused in some deep way in the past. GG, ever the victim and seeing a perfect opportunity, lowers her eyes and whispers that she isn’t here to talk about her past. Reza and MJ snicker about how she’s going to kill someone one day. #likely
The tides quickly turn and Reza starts to choke/cry about how damaging GG’s video lie was to his credibility because he has a job. Truthfully, it’s hard to find sympathy for Reza given how nasty he is to everyone else. Dis tew much for Reza and he walks off set, MJ following him like a sequin jumpsuited puppy.
Andy runs off to coax Reza and MJ back to set and Reza arrives, sipping a Capri Sun. Did he miss nap time? Someone get this man some animal crackers, dammit! Reza continues to sob because he felt powerless (Andy’s words). GG calms down, thanks to her own sippy cup of champagne, and apologizes to Reza for lying about the sex tape. Andy gives Reza the opportunity to apologize to GG for doubting her RA. Reza squeaks out an “of course” and that’s the best we are going to get.
Wrapping up, Reza continues to sniffle until they break and he runs to his trailer, taking pulls from his juice box. GG tracks him down, asking for a minute to chat. She tries to explain that she is feeling all of the feelings that Reza is feeling she is feeling (whut?) and wants to know if there is any way to fix it. Reza says there is a chance. As they part ways, GG is blabbering, saying that she is growing and even if Reza doesn’t want to be her friend, she hopes he will see her growth, maybe on Instagram. #blocked
TELL US – DO YOU BELIEVE THE SHAHS DRAMA? OR DO YOU THINK IT’S ALL FAKE FOR THE SHOW? THOUGHTS ON THE REUNION?
Photo Credit: Nicole Weingart/Bravo