We are in for yet another New York edition of Shahs of Sunset this week, but finally get to see what is going on in L.A. with those left behind – Shervin Roohparvar, Asa Soltan Rahmati, and Destiney Rose, who I keep forgetting is a cast member.
It doesn’t look like L.A. is missing the Shahs much and I’m pretty sure New York will be happy to get rid of them but first, we have to suffer through Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi’s life-changing, earth-shattering, coming of age bit part in an off Broadway play that she keeps talking about. In case we haven’t been taking her seriously up to this point, she has learned her lines and thus, turned her chaotic life around in one single unpaid job opportunity. To quote Reza Farahan, it only took 35 years.
The Shahs decide to settle down from all their turning up and go for a wholesome night of ice skating. On the way there, Reza calls Asa to invite her to their newly planned Winter Wonderland/Snowflake Ball, which is going to be held to celebrate friends and family. Never mind the fact that Reza is *this close* to being on the outs with Asa for her refusal to discuss the intimate details of her uterus with the rest of the cast – friendships, even fake ones, deserve to be celebrated! Asa immediately comes up with some pre-loaded pregnancy excuses like no energy and her Braxton-hicks contractions being worse at night. Reza doesn’t know what any of that even means but decides to let it slide anyway since he knows Mike Shouhed and Mercedes “MJ” Javid don’t want to be bothered with Asa anyway.
Once at the ice skating rink, everyone pretty much sucks on skates but MJ is less concerned about skating and more interested in getting everyone on board with pushing Mike and his ex Jessica Parido back together. She seems to think that Mike would be trying to get back with Jessica if it weren’t for what everyone else thought, so it’s now her mission to encourage their dysfunctional reunion as much as possible. This seems like one stretch of a story line but as we find out later, maybe MJ has reason to believe there is still hope for Mike and Jessica.
Back in L.A., Asa is miserable just getting in and out of cars and she makes sure we know it. Yes, pregnancy sucks, especially when you’re past the 30 week mark but I can’t keep up with whether or not Asa is experiencing a divine miracle or she’s just got hemorrhoids. One can never tell with her and the way she portrays things. She heads into an ultrasound with her mom and complains to the doctor about not having the most loving friendship environment. Ugh, here we go again. The doctor simply tells her to just stay away from her friends then and Asa takes this as a direct medical order, like bed rest. So I guess Asa is officially on friend rest? They do the ultrasound and Zinat claps with glee over the baby’s golden dool and Asa drones on about what an amazing genetic makeup her baby will have between her Persian heritage and the fact that he’s part Jackson.
Later, Asa meets up with Latoya Jackson at a baby store so she can complain/humble brag to her about how big her baby is measuring but she hasn’t even needed to buy maternity clothes yet. As they pick out some truly hideous Versace baby clothes, Asa tells Latoya that she was contacted by People magazine to do a family spread once the baby is born but Jermaine refuses. Latoya nods and affirms how shy Jermaine is about his life and I wonder how he would feel about Asa’s next statement, where she takes us on a whimsical and magical tale of how they met.
Long, long story short – they met in high school, locked eye and without even speaking, Asa knew they would be together forever. But that didn’t actually get set into motion until 10 years later, at an Apple store of all places, where Asa felt a cosmic golden waterfall of diamond water presence behind her. That presence was Jermaine, who came bearing organic blueberries and they spent 18 hours listening to music and seeing a white fox on the beach under a full moon. Asa describes all of these things as omens and I would just describe them as filler for an already boring story about how they met. I really did tune out at the organic blueberry part. Anyway, all of this has resulted in the relationship we see, or rather don’t see, today.
The next morning in New York, Mike is walking around shirtless with a towel wrapped around his waist, just dying for everyone to ask him what he was up to last night. When everyone went to bed after pigging out on concierge-ordered Persian food, Mike snuck out to “hoe” as Reza would say.
If you were looking for proof of Mike’s exploits from the night before, he encourages GG to smell his Umbro underwear, as she peppers him with questions about whether or not he went to see Jessica, which she thinks is still in town from last weekend. But GG has good reason to ask after her super sleuth skills led her to zoom in on one of Mike’s posted Instagram pics, revealing Jessica’s reflection in the mirror. The girl can’t hear but she sure can see! Mike coyly stays silent about who he was with the night before and they have no choice but to drop the matter (for now).
Even if Mike is still in love with Jessica, it doesn’t sound like it would be an easy road for them to reconcile as Reza explains, all thanks to Persians and their “tribal lifestyle.” Mike’s mom doesn’t like Jessica you know, because of all the cheating her son did to her, and since she’s not on board, it’s going to be impossible for Mike to get back together with her. I guess Mike’s mom just doesn’t want to see her precious baby boy get hurt again by sleeping around on his wife.
MJ and Tommy Feight are going to take the gang (minus GG) on a trip to Queens to see Tommy’s friends and family. As they are driven over by car service, Reza tries to impersonate someone from Queens but quickly loses his humor when he sees graffiti sprayed on the buildings they are passing. They arrive at the neighborhood bar with MJ dressed in full Liza Minnelli gear, complete with a green velvet mini dress, knee high boots, studded coat, and crookedly applied lipstick. But this is Queens and no one bats an eye, even though it’s the middle of the day.
As we meet his friends, who are really his family, we learn that Tommy was taken in by the McGuire family once his single mom who was raising him passed away. MJ describes the McGuires like a big brownie sundae and for once, she isn’t wrong – they are lovely people! Also, now I want a brownie sundae. MJ makes herself right at home, asking one of his friends if he’s a tits or ass man and no doubt, he’s an ass man, which Tommy says is a Queens thing and demonstrates by stuffing his head into MJ’s velvet pillow butt. They haven’t even ordered shots yet but those are coming and once they do, it makes MJ grab Tommy and climb onto the bar so she can give a heartfelt speech about how she thinks of everyone there as family.
In her talking head, MJ cries about how Tommy has taught her about the openness of love and all jokes aside, it was a really touching moment with MJ. You can see just how badly she needs this kind of unconditional love. Tommy toasts with a poem about friends and declares himself the luckiest man in the bar. Sigh….okay you guys, I have to say it – between Tommy’s “Don’t Bust My Bulbs” adult onesie from last week and this week’s showing of family love and happiness, I actually LIKE Tommy. There! I said it. Tommy has officially grown on me like that terrible beard he is sporting.
Heading back to L.A., we get to learn a little more about Destiney and what makes her tick, as if anyone actually cares. She used to work the nightclub scene for years (doing what, she doesn’t say) but now wants to do something different so she’s invested her money in a raw juice bar, all so she can go stand outside of it and smoke a cigarette with Shervin. She tells him how disappointed she is in him that he would have been running around on Annalise, when she was convinced he wouldn’t do that, let alone lie about it.
This all prompts Shervin to take a hard look at what he wants out of his relationship and he realizes that he’s been running from commitment even since his parents divorced after 35 years of marriage. Shervin thought Annalise was the perfect way to have his cake and eat it too but he ate too much cake and now has to shed the extra weight it caused him to gain. He drives into the hills of L.A. to park on the side of the road and FaceTime Annalise, telling her how unfair he is being to her. Annalise can’t be mad at him for being honest but says this is very upsetting. Is it though? She’s got a full face of makeup on and I hardly detect one hair moving out of place as she’s being broken up with by the person she was supposed to be moving to another country for. Annalise tells Shervin he should figure out why he’s doing this and then says “bye,” just like that. Shervin got off easy, even if this was a fake relationship of convenience.
It’s finally time for GG’s big off Broadway debut and the crowds are lined up around the block for opening night. Just kidding, there are no crowds and no line. Sure, it’s a packed house but I mean that more in a literal sense – think of the living room in your house filled with people and then you will have an idea of how many people were there to see the play.
GG goes into wardrobe, which is basically a folding table with a black curtain around it that was probably used as in a local election voting booth yesterday. Mike, Reza, and Adam show up and surprise! So does Shalom, who said he wouldn’t come after last week’s psychotic blow up about GG kissing her costar. Mike accurately describes Shalom as likely being borderline bipolar but GG eats it up, squealing and rushing into his arms when he shows up backstage.
Before the play starts, Adam reads GG’s bio from the program and we all learn together that GG was a gymnast and trained for the US Olympic team competing in the 1995 Olympics. That’s news to Reza, who demands proof and Bravo shadily produces a tattered picture of GG as a young girl in pig tails on a balance beam. I guess no photos were taken as she trained her way to the Olympics.
The play starts and it’s not long before Mike starts dozing off. He can’t seem to stay awake and while Reza blames the all night partying, I blame the sheer boredom of what looks like a really lame play. Reza is into it though and praises GG’s ability to learn her lines and actually say them out loud like she is supposed to. Finally, we get to the big scene where she kisses her costar and Shalom grimaces, probably because it was so overdone and ridiculous. Once the play is over, they all head backstage, which looks less like your living room and more like your guest bathroom, so they can toast GG and how far she has come to arrive at this moment. Enjoy your success before we forget all about it next week, GG!
TELL US – ARE YOU WARMING UP TO TOMMY? DID YOU ENJOY GG’S PERFORMANCE?
Photo Credit: Bravo