Buckle up friends because this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Potomac was a wild ride. Monique Samuels may have gone fly fishing instead of clay pigeon shooting, but she spent most of her time dodging verbal bullets. Karen Huger is bringing her “A” game to the show even though she refuses to participate in anything sporty or athletic. Candiace Dillard is still fighting with Charrisse Jordan and Ashley Darby is putting out all her dirty laundry (with the exception of a little something that may or may not allegedly happened in a London hotel). Gizelle Bryant brought her usual snarky commentary which I personally laugh at even though it’s everything I’ve told my children not to do. Finally, Robyn Dixon was… help me out people… she’s… very sporty.
We start back where we left off last week: At the luncheon in Nemacolins Resort where Candiace and Gizelle are having the “you’re dumb no you’re dumb” fight. Thankfully, Ashley hops up from the table and decides that it’s time to show the women their rooms. Monique is still a little toasted from her bottle of wine on the way up, so she doesn’t care what room she gets just as long as it has clean sheets, a soft pillow, and I’m guessing a bottle of aspirin for the next morning. Gizelle and Karen aren’t tired though, and they meet up to gossip. Neither really understands Candiace at all, but they both think her calling Charrisse ‘Geriatric Grandma’ was pretty funny. Sidebar: I really like when Gizelle and Karen talk like this together and was sorry to hear Karen say on WWHL that they are now enemies.
Candiace calls Little Chris and immediately dives into complaints about the women and the scene on the bus up to the resort. Monique and Ashley are next door and can hear their entire conversation. Candiace doesn’t need to hear from all these tired old B’s. Monique has to put a stop to this nonsense before anyone else hears Candiace. Ashley and Monique attempt to give Candiace advice. Monique tells her that Charrisse is Monique’s girl and let’s just all move past this stupid fight. Candiace agrees she’ll try and hopes Charrisse with do the same.
Gizelle decides to call Sherman. After the last disastrous Facetime where she spent most of it staring at his acoustic ceiling tiles, she needs to hear from him. He doesn’t answer. She’s confused. Is she being ghosted? She goes down to talk to Robyn. They discuss Monique’s car wreck. Just how did she end up in a ditch when it was in the middle of the day? There is definitely more to this story.
The women all meet up at a fancy French restaurant for dinner. Ashley is excited to share her happy memories of this place with her friends. She’s distracted, though, because her mom is texting her asking her for money. Gizelle asks Ashley about how it’s all going with her mom. Ashley concedes that Mom is moving out next week. If she doesn’t move, then Ashley knows that Michael will divorce her. Gizelle wonders what kind of mom would put her daughter in this type of position. She, like Karen, agrees with Michael that the money train needs to stop.
Gizelle is pulled back into what’s happening at the table by Karen. Karen thinks real friends don’t come at you. Even though Gizelle apologized, Karen just can’t get passed the #freeuncleben t-shirt and Charrisse calling Ray the Broke Bill Gates. Gizelle is confused because didn’t she apologize and didn’t they make up already? Karen argues that she NEVER comes after their husbands (high five to Ashley who didn’t choke on her fancy food at this statement). Gizelle confirms that Karen is a little bit drunk. Surprisingly, both Gizelle and Charrisse say they will not only apologize but buy Ray dinner. It’s a real, live truce y’all! And then Robyn has to bulldoze her way into the conversation. For someone who screams at anyone who gets in her business, Robyn sure likes to take a walk into everyone else’s. Robyn’s confused! What error are they apologizing for? Karen doesn’t miss a beat and instead of answering the question, she accuses Robyn of being no more that Gizelle’s puppet. Voices are being raised, so Charrisse reminds them to “use our restaurant voices”. To which Karen, in the sweetest tone possible, says, “Robyn, shut the f*** up.” Who else really likes drunk Karen? Karen decides Robyn is the dizziest bitch at the table because she’s always just chiming in. Karen tells Robyn she needs to get her own panties. Someone help me out: what does that even mean? Charrisse thinks Karen should apologize. Okay, she’s sorry for the bitch, but not the dizzy. Ha! Okay, fine. She’s sorry for both.
The next morning Monique decides she definitely has whiplash from the crash. When she gets home, she’s going to hire some help because (say it with me) she’s really busy!
Last night after dinner, in a state of vulnerability mixed expertly with too many vodkas and the freedom of no Bravo cameras, Karen let down her defenses and opened up to Charrisse. What I want to say is Charrisse is a good person and doesn’t use it against her, but I have to report that Charrisse really is a snake in the grass that doesn’t shake her rattles until it’s too late for her victim to take it all back. Charrisse cannot wait to use this information against Karen. But first, we have to endure watching the women play in the great outdoors. The shooting party is Robyn, Ashley, and Candiace. Was anyone surprised the Robyn hit all the targets? The fishing expedition consisted of Karen, Gizelle, Charrisse, and Monique. With all the screaming they did, it’s a miracle they caught any fish at all. I’m skeptical that there wasn’t some sort of fish wrangler off to the side that was just putting fish on the hook for them to reel in.
After Gizelle finishes twerking with a fish, they sit down to a picnic and discuss last night’s dinner party. The food was good, and according to Karen, she was in particularly good form. Of course, not surprisingly, Gizelle is getting cold feet about apologizing to Ray. However, Charrisse is all in because she has Karen right where she wants her: behind the 8-ball. Karen told her last night that she would set Charrisse up on a date with Blue Eyes. Karen says now, oh not the Blue Eyes, she meant just one fake blue eye. Seriously though, she and Blue are just friends. Charrisse tells us in her talking head that they are definitely more than friends. In fact, Ashley has told the group that Michael’s son saw Karen and Blue canoodling at Oz. Wait a minute: So of all the restaurants in the greater Potomac/ Great Falls/ Arlington area, Karen and her affair decide to go to a place that (a) serves kangaroo and (b) is owned by a real housewife? What the actual ef? Well, let’s play along for now. Karen says ol’ Blue is just her driver. Well, there you go…mystery solved! (M-Hmm)
On the way from the shooting range to the obstacle course, Ashley reveals to Robyn that Monique had about 4 martinis shortly before her car accident. Robyn wonders if Monique has a problem. They all meet up and put on their helmets for the giant obstacle course. Karen takes one look at the instructor scrambling up the rope ladder and she’s outie. The last time she did a jungle gym she was 6. Grown people stay on the kiddie course. At least Karen doesn’t take herself too seriously most of the time. She’s unapologetically an indoor girl. Gizelle and Charrisse are right there with her. Who in their right minds would clamber up 60 feet with women who less than 20 hours ago you were screaming at?
Later that night, Ashley arrives at dinner late after a call with Michael and asks everyone how their day was. Everyone had a fun day and Karen says that the fishing crew talked about the shooting group – no one was spared. Candiace wants to know what was said about her and Monique says that consensus is that quiet Candiace has turned into all over the place Candiace. Ashley doesn’t think that’s fair because it was Monique who started it all by encouraging Candiace to go in on Charrisse after cryotherapy. Monique denies it all, but when Candiace backs up Ashley, Monique changes her story. Well, maybe she did, but just a little, and it was a joke. Ashley knows it wasn’t a joke; As Robyn said, Monique planted the seeds making Candiace ready to pounce as soon as she got on the bus. Candiace takes the high road and apologizes for both the shady bitch comment and for calling Charrisse a Geriatric Granny.
Robyn is concerned about Monique. Robyn asks her if she’s okay because Ashley said she had four martinis before her crash. Monique is defiant. “I had only 2,” Ashley says it was at least 3 and Ashley admits she herself was a little drunk. But Monique can hold her liquor. In fact, she can drink five and still not feel it. She was just sleepy! Karen warns her to be very careful because it is zero tolerance in Maryland. And Karen knows because she once got a DUI and that is why she now has a “driver”. Monique is super frustrated because no one gets it. She. Was. TIRED!!
Then for some reason that is hard to understand, Karen removes Monique from the hot seat and settles into it herself. She instructs Ashley to shut down the Blue Eyes commentary. Ashley pounces because maybe someone’s marriage is more screwed up than hers. She asks Karen if she and Ray have an arrangement and is she physical with Blue Eyes? Karen is the Grand Dame of deflection. She asks Ashley if Michael was physical with another man in London. Of course, shady Bravo flashes headlines and dick pics at us in rapid succession. Ashley is enraged. NO!! It’s all lies. She can categorically confirm that it’s not true. However, people have seen Karen and Blue Eyes out and about. How does Ray feel about it? Karen admits that Ray’s not thrilled. Gizelle in her talking head asks: If he doesn’t like it, then maybe Karen shouldn’t be seen in public with another man. She’s not sure, so she’ll consult Michael and get back to us on that.
Charrisse has been sitting on her delicious info for far too long. As everyone takes a breath, Charrisse announces to Karen: So you have said that Ray asked you for a divorce? Karen swallows hard and admits, “That’s true.”
Tell us: Do you believe Ashley about the number of drinks Monique had? Do you believe Ashley about Karen and Blue at Oz?
RECAP AUTHOR: DANA
Photo Credit: Bravo TV