Lord this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is making me reach for the CBD oil faster than Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave can turn on a friend and spin on a bike!
It all ends badly, but we start out lovely by watching Denise Richards and Aaron Phypers open their wedding presents. I wished we could’ve seen them unwrap the tequila from Dorit Kemsley, but alas Dorit probably ‘conveniently forgot’ the wedding gift, just like she conveniently forgets to tell her so-called close friend that she gave her dog away to a woman she kinda knows, or doesn’t know, or is an associate of PK’s or is you know, a shelter named A Very Lovely Random Woman.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills episode Denise Richards got married under the paparazzi while Lisa Vanderpump got divorced from the rest of the cast over the paparazzi. You know, just another day in LA!
Of course, this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is about a dog while having nothing to do with a dog. It’s about so much more than that, obviously, but the prevailing thing is that I can’t rally behind the unraveling of something which attempts to paint Dorit Kemsley (who’s one step away from taking her phony accent and tacky clothes to debtors prison) as the victim. She’s not, no matter how many times Dorit asks, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall: whose the most victimized of them all?” Obviously, the mirror always answers Lucy, but Dorit routinely pretends not to hear things she doesn’t understand or like.
Tonight Denise Richards marries Aaron Phypers on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, and since they planned the wedding in like 10 days (or more specifically 48 hours) there’s obviously some drama!
The biggest drama being whether or not this wedding will actually ever happen. Denise is so late half the women leave — which was probably not what the producers wanted. They probably hopped all the downtown by the open bar would lead to plenty of hysterics and a revival of Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave whipping out text messages from a toddler to accuse Lisa Vanderpump of manipulation. Yes – still talking about Lucy In The Shelter With Microchips! (#BeatlesReference)