Jax Taylor

Batten down the hatches because after a few weeks of in hiding Krazy Kristen Doute has returned in full splendor on Vanderpump Rules. Solvang? Or So Insane? Kristen wasn’t the only one Solvagning problems though – Jax Taylor and James Kennedy both went to therapy, but not together. Although they probably should.

It’s the day after the inaugural TomTom party and Lisa Vanderpump hasn’t had a hangover since 1985, aka before Tom 1 and Tom 2 were born… Oh, wait: everyone on this show is pushing 40, which makes them older than me. And they’ve definitely given LVP enough headaches to quantify as a hangover.

The Toms are overjoyed with their first event. They were ready to spread the doors wide to the public at large. Tom 2 wants a gold star on his chore chart.

Lisa reminds them that there’s no gas (or ice). James was spinning records in the utility closet sitting on 2 Costco mega-packs of Charmin Double Ply. 

On last night’s Vanderpump Rules TomTom finally opened its doors in the frantic, frenzied, disastrous way you’d expect from Tom 1 and Tom 2.

Welcome to Mr. Tom’s Wild Ride – first stop the deluxe modern apartment of one DJ James Kennedy, who will have his reintroduction into SURciety by being the inaugural DJ at TomTom. Trust me – it sounds like a much bigger honor than it actually is. With havoc on the homefront and no ice at the bar, Lisa Vanderpump quickly realizes she needs the Toms temporarily distracted. So, she dispatches 5% personal assistants to wrangle menial tasks. Tom 2, as always, drew the short straw and is forced to go discuss the music with James.

As he waits for Tom’s arrival James works on his apology letter to Mandall, the entree nous he needs to get back into Lala Kent‘s homie status. Raquel LeViss is not impressed with James’ labors of Lala-dom.