Memorial Day Weekend has come and gone, which means the Summer House crew is headed to the Hamptons to drink rosé and party all day. But this time around Hannah Berner will not be joining the Good Vibe Tribe, but to be fair, she’s not the best at making summer fun anymore. Hannah created a lot of nonsense last year, whether it involved her confusing relationship with Luke Gulbranson or getting freaky with fiancé Des Bishop in Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula’s bathroom. As long as Carl Radke returns every year, with his winning smile and a case of Loverboy in hand, I’ll be happy to watch.
Hannah decided to skip the Hamptons getaway this year so she’ll stick to laying in her own bed with Des while they both stare at their phones. She’s starting a comedy career as well, and who knows if any of the crew will want to go to her stand-up shows, considering the “jokes” she’s made about them. It does beg the question of who will be by Paige DeSorbo’s side this summer, and if Hannah is really ruining any chance of reconciling some of her friendships.
As we inch closer and closer to Memorial Day weekend, that means it’s almost time for Summer House to start filming its next season. Last year, we saw the Good Vibe Tribe WFH (Work From the Hamptons) during the coronavirus pandemic. Six weeks together in one house filled with almost as much tension as there were cases of LoverBoy, thanks to Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula. And a new, improved and even more lovable Carl Radke.
The center of the controversy this year, aside from Lindsay Hubbard’s outbursts about sandwiches and rumors about Luke Gulbranson, was Miss Hannah Berner. And Hannah had quite a year. She has a new fiancé Des Bishop, who looks like the older version of Kyle. But that didn’t mean she didn’t feel like Luke was playing her while they were in the house. And the entire mess culminated in an explosive reunion with endings of friendships and plenty of tears.
Something leaked into the Bravo water and that is some toxic mess. The past two weeks have given us more drama during hiatus than actual production. Porsha Williams and Falynn Guobadia are about to go full The Boy Is Mine on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Kim Zolciak is permanently tardy for the party and now the party is OVAH. Real Housewives of Dallas star Tiffany Moon has been subjected to racism on social media during AAPI month. What else could possibly happen?
Grab a Kleenex and a soothing tea, perhaps. After a season of nonsense and complete delusion where we learned, SUMMER, FUN, HANNAH BERNER, NOT FUN – the time has come. Let’s all join hands and bow our heads
in thanks, Hannah will not be returning to Summer House.
While summer 2021 is just beginning, fans had to say goodbye to Season 5 of Summer House last night in an explosive reunion that finally ended with Lindsay Hubbard getting her sandwich for a change. And to be honest, I’m super sad about it. This season of Summer House was amazing. We saw Carl Radke make a total transformation from f*ckboy to most eligible bachelor. Amanda Batula and Hannah Berner’s friendship was tested thanks to Hannahs’s neverending feud with Kyle Cooke. Every episode was filled with drama and hilarities even though the good vibe tribe was stuck in a Lover Boy-filled house for six weeks. Like Kyle, I’m thankful for Summer House, sharks, family and friends, in that order.
Part two of the reunion continued to expose Hannah’s bad behavior this season. Her friendship with Amanda and Kyle seems beyond repair. Lindsay and Danielle Olivera are over her “jokes” about her castmates she makes to the press, on podcasts and anywhere else willing to give her a quote. And the ongoing back and forth with Luke Gulbranson reached a nasty breaking point.
Summer is officially over, Good Vibe Tribe. That’s right, we’ve reached the end of the road for Season 5 of Summer House. And frankly, I can’t believe it’s time for this chapter to close. The season truly flew by and I want more! Good thing we have Winter House, or whatever Bravo plans on calling it, to look forward to sooner rather than later. And also one last reunion episode to dissect and dig into. Because summer should be fun, and there’s nothing more fun than a reunion. Let’s do it!
Of course, Part 2 kicks off in the wake of Kyle Cooke storming off the reunion set. But really, do you blame him? Imagine if someone you considered a friend said the only reason she delivered such an overblown, ridiculous apology to you was because she knew all you cared about was feeling good about yourself. (That’s called Projecting 101 for all of you at home.) It takes a pep talk from Lindsay Hubbard to get him calmed down and back in his seat. Meanwhile, Paige DeSorbo is doling out some tough love to a crying Hannah Berner on the opposite couch. Get. It. Together. Girl.
The summer may be over, but it’s time to get the Good Vibe Tribe back together for the Summer House Season 5 reunion! And it’s extra exciting because after five seasons, it’s the first proper reunion the gang has ever gotten from Bravo. During Season 2, they were all crammed onto chairs in the WWHL Clubhouse. (Remember how newbie Amit Neuman said all of five words during the whole day? Good times. Honestly the best thing that came out of that reunion was Kyle Cooke‘s legendary 17-page email.) And Season 4’s sit-down, in the early days of the pandemic, was virtual. Personally, I’ll never forgive the Bravo gods for not gifting us a reunion following Season 3. Mostly because we never got the pleasure of seeing Jordan Verroi in the hot seat.
So yes, after five seasons, the housemates have finally graduated to a well-deserved reunion set. And I could not be more here for it. The cascading flowers. The Hamptons-chic vibe. It’s all perfect. But before we dive into the drama, can we talk about this seating chart for a second? Because I’m confused. If the cast can sit together in twos and threes, doesn’t that…violate…the social distancing guidelines set forth by Bravo? At every other reunion in a post-COVID world, cast members have been required to stay six feet apart. In separate seats. With no touching. But I guess that rule doesn’t apply to the Summer House crew?
Well, Good Vibe Tribe. We’ve finally arrived at the end of summer. It’s here, and after 12 weeks, Season 5 of Summer House is drawing to a close. And to be honest, I’m feeling a little shortchanged. The cast was quarantined together for six weeks straight, and all we got was a dozen episodes out of it? That’s two less than last season. And the season before it, actually. Could production not squeeze just a little more drama out of 42 days of filming? I’m not actually mad about it, I’m just sad because I’m not ready for the season to be over yet.
The finale kicks off with Hannah Berner continue to rage about the fight she picked with the other girls about Des Bishop. Hannah wasn’t being defensive, she was simply defending herself, mmmk? She claims Amanda Batula came at her about her boyfriend (she didn’t) and that Paige DeSorbo didn’t defend her (her behavior was indefensible). Add in the fact that everyone likes Danielle Olivera‘s boyfriend more than hers and Hannah is seething. But the only person giving her tantrum the time of day is Ciara Miller. So how about we just let her spiral in her room and stop giving her the attention she so badly craves. Deal?
If I have to listen to Hannah Berner brag for one more second about all the sex she had with Des Bishop in the Summer House, I’m going to vomit. But that’s right where this week’s episode begins. With Des bragging about going down on Hannah in Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula‘s bathroom. As if we could’ve scrubbed that particular detail from our collective brains in the last seven days. Even Paige DeSorbo, who is very, very drunk, is bound to remember. She promises not to tell Kyle. But we all know he’s bound to flip his lid come reunion time. And rightfully so.
But let’s try to move on. Because I can’t think about it anymore. The roommates move out of the hot tub and into the house for the night. And there are couples everywhere. While Danielle Olivera and Robert Sieber fight for the last stale peach ring, a drunk Lindsay Hubbard finally gives in and makes up with Stephen Traversie. As in, they’re officially back together. Boyfriend and girlfriend. And immediately Stravy wants to get engaged and have babies. But first, Lindsay allows him to unpack his bags and move back into the house. Small victories for Stravy, I guess.