Happy almost birthday to some of our favorite (and least favorite) reality TV stars! February is a big month for birthdays. Unfortunately, we will not be invited to any of these celebrations. Even so, we all know how much reality stars love a good party, especially when they’re the center of attention.
This means that we should all expect some Instagram photos and videos from these stars and their friends in February. We can all live vicariously through the fun thanks to social media.
Below Deck Mediterranean will be back for Season 4. Bravo revealed the familiar faces in the cast lineup for the next season. Captain Sandy Yawn is back to navigate the picturesque waters of the Mediterranean. This time in South of France.
Hannah Ferrier returns as Chief Stew. That’s to be expected. She’s been with the show since the beginning. It doesn’t seem like any of her second or third stews ever have any longevity though. Brooke Laughton andKasey Cohenwill not be returning.
The set of these WWHL Reunions is so depressing, isn’t it. Like getting married in a Vegas chapel with a liquor store next door. It just doesn’t translate to ‘daytime’ activities. Who wants to bear their soul in front of a rhinestone Snoopy or a photo of Ramona Singer doing Turtle Time in a satin dress? I guess Joao’s nervous breakdowns don’t discriminate?
It was the last charter and the season finale episode of Below Deck Mediterranean. I’m pooped of writing about the poop deck dramas of the Motor Yacht Talisman (I am also not too mature for poop jokes!). Everyone is moving on from the pettiness, squabbles, and bad vibes expect for Hannah Ferrier, who is just as ready as ever to make people’s lives miserable. Conrad Empson sure rues the day he ever got clobbered by a cougar!
The finale episode was truly all about playing games with Hannah. From musical chairs, to hide and seek, and finally battleship. The most shocking development though was realizing that Conrad and Hannah had never had sex! Do we believe them? It’s kind of cutely high school…
Anyway, we gotta also talk about Joao Franco admitting to Kasey Cohen that if she’d been the one sitting next to him during Hannah’s birthday, she’d also be the one he’d currently be screwing over instead of Brooke Laughton. Now Joao understands it was fate’s way of looking out for him. Joao mansplains, “When I kissed Brooke it all made sense…,” but I don’t want to talk to another girl too long, because it might stop making sense in my penile brain, then I might convenience kiss somebody else. Someone else like Kasey. This logic is like watching The Notebook in lieu of getting counseling for co-dependency, and then, even worse, believing this is how mature relationships work. And I am mature, so I should know!
It’s the last charter for Below Deck Mediterranean and the guests are literally a coma, luckily all crew relationships are exploding like a fireworks display.
Hannah Ferrier and Conrad Empson are FINALLY breaking up – and this is only because Conrad tired of her toxic, immature dramas. “This is not going to work. If you argue every day what’s the point in being there. You’re not happy. I’m done,” he decides, before telling Hannah that Prague, and all its glories as a couples trip, is not happening.
This is what truly enrages Hannah – that she cannot manipulate Conrad into staying with her through the trip. He asserts to think about it but his eyes already focused on the future horizon, populated with women his own age, looking to have fun and not use him as a baby bait to make older, established men feel bad for her.