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Sandy Yawn

Below Deck Reunion

Last night was the Below Deck Mediterranean reunion, and Captain Sandy Yawn wants us all to know she wore her boss pants. Joao Franco, on the other hand, wore a diaper.

The set of these WWHL Reunions is so depressing, isn’t it. Like getting married in a Vegas chapel with a liquor store next door. It just doesn’t translate to ‘daytime’ activities. Who wants to bear their soul in front of a rhinestone Snoopy or a photo of Ramona Singer doing Turtle Time in a satin dress? I guess Joao’s nervous breakdowns don’t discriminate?

Below Deck Mediterranean season 3 finale

It was the last charter and the season finale episode of Below Deck Mediterranean. I’m pooped of writing about the poop deck dramas of the Motor Yacht Talisman (I am also not too mature for poop jokes!). Everyone is moving on from the pettiness, squabbles, and bad vibes expect for Hannah Ferrier, who is just as ready as ever to make people’s lives miserable. Conrad Empson sure rues the day he ever got clobbered by a cougar!

The finale episode was truly all about playing games with Hannah. From musical chairs, to hide and seek, and finally battleship. The most shocking development though was realizing that Conrad and Hannah had never had sex! Do we believe them? It’s kind of cutely high school…

Anyway, we gotta also talk about Joao Franco admitting to Kasey Cohen that if she’d been the one sitting next to him during Hannah’s birthday, she’d also be the one he’d currently be screwing over instead of Brooke Laughton. Now Joao understands it was fate’s way of looking out for him. Joao mansplains, “When I kissed Brooke it all made sense…,”  but I don’t want to talk to another girl too long, because it might stop making sense in my penile brain, then I might convenience kiss somebody else. Someone else like Kasey. This logic is like watching The Notebook in lieu of getting counseling for co-dependency, and then, even worse, believing this is how mature relationships work. And I am mature, so I should know! 

Instagram Roundup: Brittany Cartwright, Lisa Rinna, Tinsley Mortimer, Gina Kirschenheiter, & More!

Apparently mirror selfies are still going strong. New York Housewife Tinsley Mortimer recently posted one with her on-again-off-again boyfriend Scott Kluth. So it’s safe to assume that these two are “on again.” Real Housewives of Orange County new girl Gina Kirschenheiter also shared a photo of post-glam session look.

Below Deck Mediterranean cast member Jamie Jason showed off her bikini body with a mirror selfie of her own. And then there’s  Vanderpump Rules star Lala Kent, the queen of the mirror selfie, serving up a super casual (and most likely super expensive) look.

Brooke Laughton

It’s the last charter for Below Deck Mediterranean and the guests are literally a coma, luckily all crew relationships are exploding like a fireworks display.

Hannah Ferrier and Conrad Empson are FINALLY  breaking up – and this is only because Conrad tired of her toxic, immature dramas. “This is not going to work. If you argue every day what’s the point in being there. You’re not happy. I’m done,” he decides, before telling Hannah that Prague, and all its glories as a couples trip, is not happening.

This is what truly enrages Hannah – that she cannot manipulate Conrad into staying with her through the trip. He asserts to think about it but his eyes already focused on the future horizon, populated with women his own age, looking to have fun and not use him as a baby bait to make older, established men feel bad for her.

Instagram Roundup: Stassi Schroeder, Snooki, Den, Kim Zolciak & More!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ladies (including the newest addition Denise Richards) went to Bahamas for a girl trip and took some photos showing off their bathing suits (and bodies), of course.

The Jersey Shore cast  has been promoting Part 2 of Jersey Shore Family Vacation and taking photos together, of course.

Brooke Laughton

Hannah Ferrier finally learned the definition of work on last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean. Unfortunately, it was all for show. In other news all our happy couples are unhappy!

Whoever declared that you should never go to bed angry, obviously didn’t live and work on a yacht with Hannah. After Brooke Laughton confronts her about all the liberties she takes with her job, leaving Brooke and even Kasey Cohen to pick up her slack, Hannah responds by storming off, leaving Brooke to finish the dinner clearing up.

A bit later when Hannah is skulking around, trying to spy on Brooke and hoping to catch her talking shit to Jaoa Franco (or slacking at her job), she instead finds her being consoled by Conrad Empson! Karma!

Brooke confronts Hannah

Last night on Below Deck Mediterranean, Hannah Ferrier finally got called out for being all talk no work, but that doesn’t mean she developed ethics. No, ma’am!

I don’t know why Hannah is so uptight about being called materialist. I mean, basically, all she talks about, except when she’s complaining about how overworked, tired, and exhausted she is, are her possessions. You’d think a woman who prefaces the description of every item she owns with a whiny “It’s EXXXPENSIVEEEE (to be me)” would happily revel in being described as materialistic, the way a Kardashian does. This is akin to calling them saint-like and altruistic. They have punted right over the top of the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to plonk a gold star on top.

New Episode Of Below Deck Mediterranean Tonight: More Drama Between Hannah & Joao AND Hannah, Brooke, And Kasey

Yes, Captain Sandy Yawn is actually in charge of the yacht on Below Deck Mediterranean. There is no disputing that, but there is also no disputing that this show has always come back to Hannah Ferrier. Three seasons in, she is the only original cast member who is still on the show and it’s for good reason.

Is she the best Chief Stew? Not necessarily, but she is the core of this show. Pretty much every episode involves multiple Hannah-centered story lines and tonight’s episode is no different.