Last week on Big Brother, Willie Hantz’s reign as HoH was a success royal mess. Not only did he manage to “embarrass” his coach Britney Haynes (Seriously, shut up, Britney!), he went The Shining levels of crazy paranoid, got messed up with a few lying snakes, and turned the entire house against him. Willie went from HoH to house pariah to Have Not faster than you can say, “Seriously, shut up, Britney!”

Willie‘s head of household ended with Kara being evicted from the Big Brother house by a vote of 5 to 3. Shortly after, Frank, Willie’s number one enemy, won the head of household competition.

Coach Janelle Pierzina convinced her team to vote against Kara. As long as Frank and Willie are going after each other, her players stay safe. Dan Gheesling thinks he’s still in a good position in the game, even though Kara was the second person from his team of three to be evicted. Frank, the new HoH, belongs to Mike Boogie Malin, so prepare yourself for a week of Boogie’s ego.


Power Shift

Boogie and Frank are in the diary room pretending to be Chilltown. Just – no. They need to never do that again. Why does Frank blink so much? Shane says Willie is a hot head who doesn’t treat people with respect.

Janelle snarks that Britney cannot control her players. Dan coaches Danielle, suggesting she get closer to Janelle’s team, because they’re eventually going to need her vote.

Poor Little Britney 

Where to begin with Britney? She is a self-involved snot. I used to like Britney. A lot. She, no doubt, sucks at the game, but I appreciated her humor and snark. Now I can’t stand her.

Britney says, “Willie went on a terror spree through the house. Everyone in here hates him. It’s embarrassing. I wholeheartedly regret choosing him. Now I’m going to pay the price for his bad attitude and poor behavior. It’s a disaster.”

She’s being stupid. There was no terror spree. Frank told Joe, a lying snake, that Willie made fun of Wil in a hateful manner, Joe spread his venom throughout the house, Willie yelled at Frank in the backyard, and so on. Hardly a terror spree. Also, if Birtney had any idea how to play Big Brother, she’d be a better coach, and her team wouldn’t be the mess that it is.

Note to Britney, I’m sure Willie regrets you choosing him too. Get over it, quit your whining, stop being such an insufferable bitch, and play the game.

This is how Coach Britney motivates Willie when he’s down:

Brit – “All I want is that you see what you’ve done. I made myself look bad by going around [defending Willie]. Now who looks like a fool? Me. I tried to defend you for days.”

Willie – “I didn’t say you had to.”

Brit – “I made myself look bad, going around saying…” (It’s all about her.)

Willie – “I didn’t say you had to.”

Brit – “Would you shut up, please? You only think about yourself.” (Pot, Kettle. Kettle, Pot.)

Willie – “This is a one-person game, not a team game. This is my game.” (He’s right.)

Brit – “If you win PoV, it’s going to cost Shane or JoJo.” (And he should care, why? She’s the only one who has a vested interest in either Shane or JoJo getting to the end. As Willie’s coach, for better or for worse, she should want the same for him. Instead, she ostracizes him.)

Willie – “I came into this game to play this game by myself. I didn’t come here to play with a coach.” (DING, DING, DING! We have a winner. Exactly. Suck it, Britney. The look on her face is hilarious.)

Britney‘s bitch faces, snide laughs, and holier than thou attitude continues for what feels like hours, days, weeks.

Showmance Times Two

Shane is Danielle’s type. Danielle is Shane’s type. They’re playful. Yawn.

Ian thinks Ashley is cute. Ashley claims to like nerdy guys who wear big glasses. Boogie desperately needs for Ian to seem less like a creeper and more like a harmless nerd. Put it all together and you get a slop date.

While Boogie hides behind a beach ball, Ian asks Ashley if she’ll go on a slop date with him. She says yes.

I saw this entire date on the live feeds when it happened. Dan served as the doorman. Kara and Wil served the many courses of slop. (The date happened before Kara’s eviction.) Ian talked a lot about science. Ashley played dumb. Ashley talked a lot about astrology and karma. Once they started talking about the game, they both said that no one else has talked to either of them. Ian warned Ashley many times over to play for herself and not for her team or her coach.

Following the date, Ashley gives Janelle a rundown of everything she and Ian talked about. Miraculously, Ashley seems less dumb while talking to Janelle. This girl has an agenda. Mark my words. She’s not nearly as stupid as she’s leading everyone to believe.

Coaches Challenge

The winner of this week’s coach competition can make one of their players safe or trade a player.

Prior to the competition, Boogie threatens Britney. If she wins and trades Willie, Shane will be their new target. Britney laughs at him.

Ian reminds us how young he is. The 90’s hip hop theme of the competition is lost on him. Frank hosts.

The coaches have to transfer stacks of cash from one platform to another, going back and forth on a balance beam. If their cash or their body touches the ground, they lose.

Britney ponders winning. She doesn’t know what she’d do, she says. Of course she does! She would dump Willie in a hot second if she could. Willie wonders where Brit’s head is.

Danielle is hoping Dan wins. Dan’s master plan is to throw the competition. He’s more worried about keeping up the “we’re weak” ruse than keeping his one and only player safe for the week.

The coaches are wearing MC Hammer pants that look like they’re made out of plastic. Moving across the beam isn’t an easy task. Britney is way ahead of the other coaches, then she gets a little too bouncy and careless. She knocks some of her cash onto the ground. She’s out. She waddles over to the bench, to sit and pout.

Ian is giving Boogie advice on how to stack his cash. He’s talking about the center of mass and, I don’t know, too much brain power for me.

Boogie is close to finishing. Janelle is right behind him. Boogie moves his last brick to the stack, heads back across the balance beam, hops off, yelling something stupid about how awesome he is, hits the buzzer, and, ooops, he’s eliminated because he stepped off the beam before he hit the buzzer. Boogie doesn’t even realize he messed up. Frank has to explain it to him. Hahahaha. Boogie is a loser.

Janelle moves her last brick of cash over and hits the buzzer. Dan still has, like, 37 bricks of cash to move.

Janelle chooses to keep Ashley safe for the week.  Also, as the winner, Janelle has to name the Have Nots for the week.

Have Nots are Willie, “definitely,” JoJo, Shane, and Ian. Have Not menu for this week is slop, pork rinds, and pudding.

Team Britney Shuns Willie

Willie tries to talk to JoJo. Britney steps in and pulls JoJo away, saying, “Ugh, no.” Britney says, “Willie is dead to us.”

Janelle, Boogie, Frank, and Joe are celebrating Janelle’s Have Not picks in the HoH room.

Britney, Willie, and JoJo are in the kitchen. Britney is still berating Willie. She even says to Willie, “You want everyone to go down with you.”

Seriously, Britney? Where did she pull this load of crap from? She pushes Willie to go upstairs, to do – I have no idea. She’s really not making any sense. Then, as Willie‘s running up the stairs to the HoH room, Britney spews more negativity towards JoJo. The only thing JoJo has been doing is eating pudding. Britney is a complete lunatic.

Willie tells Janelle that she didn’t have to punish Shane and JoJo by making them Have Nots. She tells Willie since they stuck with him, they get the same punishment. Willie says he’s going to be evicted before the end of the week and walks out of the HoH room. Is this a threat? Is this just fact, knowing they’re coming after him and the next eviction will be Thursday? Read into what you want.

Joe comes down to the kitchen. Willie says, “Bunch of p***ies up in this bitch.”  As Joe walks to the bathroom, he says, “You’re the only p***y I see, Bro.”

Willie runs after Joe. Joe puts up his fists, wearing his best punk face. A soaking wet Ian, wearing nothing but a green towel, hilariously stands there yelling, “Hey! Hey! Hey!” When Ian fails to make an impression on the two hot heads, he runs off with his tail between his legs.

Janelle, Boogie, and Frank come running downstairs when they hear all the yelling.

Willie chest bumps Joe. Joe says Willie also head butted him. Big Brother tells Willie to go to the back bedroom. Meanwhile, Ian is still rocking the green towel, looking confused. Britney is practically sobbing in the kitchen. JoJo is consoling her.

Jenn, Wil, and Danielle are hugging in the storage room. Did someone’s dog die? Did a plane crash in the backyard? Why the hell is everyone crying and hugging?

JoJo is still going on and on about how she’s not talking to Willie anymore. We get it, JoJo.

Big Brother orders Willie to the Diary Room.

Britney is still sobbing. She tells Jenn that she needs to go lie down. Boogie hits up Britney for some game talk as she’s practically crawling to her bed. She’s like, “Right now?” He’s like, “Yeah, I know.” Muttering under his breath, he says, “Didn’t know if you had a theory or not.” I found this exchange to be highly entertaining.

Violence is not tolerated in the Big Brother house – unless your name is Jordan Lloyd or Kevin Chuwang – so Willie has been removed from the Big Brother house.

Ian thinks Willie‘s exit will go down as the least dignified exit in Big Brother history. Really? Chest bumping Joe and throwing pork rinds at Janelle is worse than Justin holding a knife to Krista‘s throat and threatening to kill her? Not to mention, Justin also smashed the chess set and peed on a window before his expulsion. I mean, I understand Ian was only 10 when that happened, but come on!

JoJo and Shane are mad because now they’re targets. All together now – that’s the game!

Joe isn’t fazed, he’s thinking game. Then, Joe says to Willie, “Please find peace, Brother.” Hey, Joe, I have a few thing for you to find.

First, your volume control. You’re wearing a microphone, douche bag. You don’t need to scream at me when you’re in the diary room!

Second, find your conscience, Brother. I cannot stand Joe. He’s such a shit stirrer. I don’t condone violence and all that, but I think Willie is a decent person. Deep down. You might have to peel away a few layers of crazy and arrogance, but I think he’s an okay dude. Willie just couldn’t handle the pressure cooker that is the Big Brother house, especially after his coach’s constant beat down and his friends/team shunning him.



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