ZMOG! Teresa Giudice sucks and Melissa Gorga is the most beautifulest, amazing, fantastic person in all the world. Thank you Jesus for bringing her into our lives via Real Housewives of New Jersey. Just Kidding. They both annoy me.
But that's for all of you tireless crusaders who constantly harangue me with your belief that I'm secretly the president of the Teresa fan club and are immune to any sort of reason or logic called reading that may clear up that misconception.
Anyway, back to the daily vomit of Jersey. So, Teresa's marriage is all about the business of the media these days ever since Joe Giudice's cheating became a storyline. The National Enquirer (which is surprisingly not so unbelievable) reports that Juicy's latest mistress has been discovered. I know – I couldn't believe he was cheating with Caroline Manzo either!
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Just kidding again. If you can believe it – which I can't because what attractive woman would date Juicy – his mistress is allegedly a 25-year-old college student dubbed the "curvy co-ed." She still lives at home with her parents – who have confirmed that she knows Joe. Hey, I know a lot of people, but that doesn't mean I'm their mistress. But details…
The woman attends Caldwell College and lives in East Hanover, NJ. Rumor has it she's been spotted with Juicy numerous times at the Iron Bar in nearby Morristown. Well that sounds classy!
So says a close friend of the "busty" brunette: “Joe’s girl is a sexy college co-ed with curves galore."
“She’s bubbly and has loads of energy. For a short, fat guy, Joe managed to get a real beauty. Chances are good that if Joe was just a regular guy who didn’t appear on a hit TV show, she would never have looked his way," the really 'good' friend adds. "She probably likes the fame he has – thanks to his wife.”
The co-ed with "curves galore" is the mystery woman whom Juicy was caught grunting at during his very incriminating phone call in Napa! I'm guessing her name isn't "Albie"?
According to a bartender who spotted the duo at the Iron Bar their behavior was "highly inappropriate, especially for a married man being out late at night with such a young woman."
“They came in as part of a small group, but they only had eyes for each other and got very touchy-feely. It appeared to be a date with their friends running interference." The night in question took place this summer. ESCANDALE!
The Enquirer reveals that her parents confirmed she knows Juicy after they hid in the girl's parent's bushes until they came out, shotgun blazing, to see what the dickens was going on. At that point the Enquirer sleuths confronted them about their daughter's allegedy harlot ways. The parents, of course, denied their daughter had any sort of romantic affiliation with a wine-soaked old troll who is facing a prison stint.
However they did admit Joe and their daughter sometimes hang out together at Iron Bar – although just as friends, mind you! “That’s just Joe being Joe. They know each other through work.” What work? Joe doesn't have a job, right?
Moving on, Teresa is making her daily interview rounds pedaling her delusion. Can I buy some? Does it come with a Fabellini?
In the latest, Mrs. Juicy is now insisting appearing on a reality show where she is the weekly subject of ridicule has made her marriage stronger. I guess that's a positive spin on things!
Speaking to the Orlando Sentinel, Teresa insists her marriage has issues just like everyone else's, it's just hers has become fodder for reality TV drama. "Everyone has issues, but they're always talking about my issues."
"I'm not bringing up the issues. They're all speaking about my issues," Teresa quips. "It's sad, four against one. I'm a big girl. I can handle myself."
In fact, Teresa claims facing their marital issues on TV has made her relationship "stronger," reiterating that things are "very good" with the between the Juicys.
As for the very incriminating phone call – referenced above – Teresa denies it's indicative of any trouble. "I didn't know he said those things about me until a year later," she explains. "How do you get mad at someone after a year? I was a little upset, but I got over it."
Teresa insists that Joe wasn't talking to a "curvy co-ed," but instead "one our dear friends who was taking care of everything while we were gone."
"We worked through it. I know he isn't cheating on me," she insists. Well, I think The Enquirer begs to differ!
While reality TV has allegedly improved her marriage (ha!) it certainly hasn't helped her relationship with Poison Gorga. At this Sunday's reunion, viewers will see things come to a tipping point when the sibilings have an explosive argument over the Posche Fashion Show among other things.
"I didn't want anyone to upset me. My brother did upset me. You see me get upset," Teresa reveals. "It's sad I keep getting blamed for things I didn't do. I won't stand for it. There's no reason for me to lie. If I did something, I'll admit to it. I don't want to be accused of something I didn't do."
"Before we taped, I didn't speak to my brother for a year. haven't talked to him since," Teresa shares. "I told my brother something in confidence. He decided to share it with the whole world," she said, referring to the "gold digger" accusations featured throughout the season
As for why viewers see her as the villain, Teresa doesn't think that's the case. "I don't think that's true," she said. "You would have to ask other people. The reaction I get from my fans is they love me, and I love them back."
"When you sign on, you sign your life away pretty much," Teresa cautions. The good, the bad, and the possibly never happened.
TELL US – IS JUICY CHEATING WITH A CURVY CO-ED? DO YOU BELIEVE REALITY TV HAS MADE TERESA' S MARRIAGE BETTER OR WORSE?