Last time on Teen Mom 2, Leah Messer and Jeremy Calvert made their relationship official. Kailyn Lowry dumped Jordan in favor of getting back togeher with Jo Rivera, while Chelsea Houska agreed to give therapy a try in order to (finally!) get over Adam Lind. Finally, Jenelle Evans managed to avoid jail time after failing a drug test and met a new guy, Josh.
For reasons unknown, MTV decided to air Teen Mom 2 on Christmas Eve and began with Chelsea. Said in my best whiny Chelsea voice… uh-ugh…. Chelsea brings her orange skin, raccoon eyes, bleached-to-death hair, and frosty lips to the nail salon. Luckily, Chelsea and mom Mary have both removed their hair feathers, so there's room in the car for Aubree. Thank goodness for small favors. For a while there, I expected to see the hair feathers listed in the opening credits.
I'm elated Aubree comes to the nail salon. She is adorable and makes Chelsea's scenes bearable. I digress. While Chelsea, Mary, and Aubree get manicures, Chelsea announces that she's dropping out of therapy. She doesn't think she needs to go because the therapist didn't tell her anything she doesn't already know. Chelsea is all like, Everything she told me about boundaries and healthy and unhealthy relationships, I've already heard from every other person in my life. Basically, Chelsea doesn't want one more person – a person with a "dishing out advice" degree to boot – telling her that Ad-dumm is no good for her.
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Chelsea tells Mary that she just wants to be normal and not need therapy to get over someone. Clearly, that ship has already sailed. Chelsea whines; Mary urges her to stay in therapy, adding that it'll also help her get over any future relationships. Chelsea says there's not going to be a "next one"
because she's never giving up on Adam. Next, Mary asks Chelsea if the therapist suggested any "moving on with your life" books. She amps up the whining, saying she doesn't need a book and can do it on her owwwnnn. Because Chelsea really stretches out that last word, I'm almost convinced she really can do it.
That's a lie.
Realizing this isn't going anywhere, Mary moves onto the second most challenging event in Chelsea's life – that elusive GED. Nohting new here – practice tests, blah, blah, frosty lipstick, blah, blah, practice tests. In the background, I can hear Aubree talking to the nail technician, and I can't help to but to think I'd rather listen to that conversation. When Aubree's nails are painted, she says, "Look how pretty!"
Shall we see what Jenelle is up to this episode? I heard those groans! Nevertheless, Jenelle is next, and she has some good news and some bad news. The good news: she's still clean despite how hard it is. The bad news: she and Barbara are fighting again. When Barb yells at Jenelle for something that's out of her control, Jenelle lashes out at her mom about cable wire sitting in Jace's room, adding, "This is an unstable environment!"
Did it seriously just take some random cable wire for that sentence to be said in that house?
Jenelle goes to Josh's house and learns that his mom needs a roommate/help with the bills. Jenelle tells Josh how much she can afford to pay, and Josh says, "There would be three of us here, so it would be cheaper than that. It would be in thirds – right down the middle." Jenelle nods her head as if that makes sense. I don't get "couple" vibes from these two.
So, Kail broke up with Jordan to be with Jo, only to find out that Jo has a girlfriend and wants nothing to do with her. When asked how things are going, Kail says Jo has a girlfriend, Jordan sucks, and her mom is delusional and MIA. Why does Jordan suck? She says, "After everything that has happened, there's no fixing [their relationship] at this point." Kail cheated on Jordan; Jordan gave Kail a second chance; Kail dumped Jordan. But, now that she's alone and realizes he probably won't take her back a second time, he sucks. Kail goes on to say that she's tired of being alone and doing things by herself.
Now that they're official, Leah brings Jeremy to meet her family. When they get to the house, Jeremy awkwardly stands at the door until "Simon says" he can sit down. Leah's family asks the normal questions – What do you do for a living? Do you realize Leah comes with two babies? How do you feel about stinky basement bathrooms? Are you ready to get married? Leah's dad takes Jeremy outside, to grill him, while the girls talk love and marriage inside. Suddenly, I feel like I'm watching the hometown visits episode of the Bachelor.
Since Jenelle cannot focus on school while she's so stressed out (A common Teen Mom theme. Maci's yard sale, anyone?), she has lunch with her friend Amber. When Amber expresses concern about Jenelle and Josh living together in the event that they break up, Jenelle fails to see the problem. She totally thinks having her own room will make it a non-issue. Jenelle must forget the time she cohabited with her best friend Tori. Jenelle had her own room, obviously, and they still nearly killed each other.
Amber eventually comes around, saying that it just might work out since Jenelle and Josh are in the same place in life. You know… done with being young and ready to grow up and be mature. Jenelle agrees with Amber's assessment, adding that sometimes you just have to make mistakes and learn from them to move on with your life. Did I miss an episode? An entire season? When has Jenelle ever learned from her mistakes? Or even any one mistake?
Speaking of mistakes… the hair feathers are back. If you told me there was someone in South Dakota with more disturbing hair than Chelsea, I would call you a liar. If you then showed me Landon, I would buy you a drink, to apologize for calling you a liar. Do any Reality Tea readers live in South Dakota? Is it illegal to buy a mirror there?
Chelsea tells her friends she failed her math practice test. But that's okay because she's still getting her sh*t done and almost over Adam for maybe the last time. When Chelsea asks Landon about the beauty school he attended, he tells her that it's a strict program and one has to be determined to get it done. This doesn't sound like it's up Chelsea's alley.
Meanwhile, Kail plans a trip to Texas, to visit family, because she ran out of people to use in Pennsylvania. When she tells Jo she's going to TX, he asks, "For a BBQ?" Kail responds, "No, because there's nothing else here for me." Jo says, "That's great." I find their exchanges unintentionally hilarious.
Jenelle and Barbara have an open, honest, and calm discussion about Jenelle moving in with Josh. Barbara asks Jenelle to stay in her house, but Jenelle says she needs to move out because they fight in front of Jace too much. In the end, Barbara agrees to help Jenelle move so she can meet Josh's mom and see the house.
Corey Simms and his dad Jeff (they're like the Doublemint Twins – double the cute, double the fun, double the subtitles) talk about the fact that Leah has moved on so quickly. Jeff is surprised to hear Corey admit that he's jealous. While Jeff doesn't think Corey and Leah would have been in a relationship had it not been for the twins, Corey simply thinks they moved too fast. You think? Later, Corey texts Leah, "I miss u and our family." Leah asks, 'huh," and Corey answers, "Sorry. I just had to tell u. I know ur happy now and I don't want to get in the way." Leah doesn't respond.
Landon's hair is seriously party in the front, party in the back, and feathers all over. He shows Chelsea around the beauty school and introduces her to the admissions counselor. He asks Chelsea if there's something keeping her from obtaining her GED. I take the liberty to answer for her, saying, "Yes! Shopping for leopard print and frosty lipstick, coloring her skin orange, bleaching her hair, pining for Ad-dumm, and holding down the couch." Sadly, admissions guy cannot hear me… but he hears Chelsea blame her lack of ambition on Aubree. Chelsea is like, Do I have to be here every day? Admissions guys is like, Umm, kind of. Admissions guys tells Chelsea to work on the GED "tough" and get back to him, and Chelsea tells him that she'll let him know as soon as that happens. I sure hope he didn't hold his breath, waiting for that call.
Barbara and Mike (I thought he left Babs for a Hoootas waitress?) help Jenelle move her things into Josh's house. Barb is impressed by the house, Josh's mom, and how Josh treats Jace. Barb hopes Jenelle and Josh stay together. If that happens, she can even see Jenelle regaining custody of Jace. Sadly, we know how that turns out. Later, Barb tells Jenelle she hopes she'll be happier once she lives on her own, faces responsibility, and grows up.
Meanwhile, Leah and Corey discuss the texts, and Corey admits that he thinks they rushed their divorce. Corey adds things like "if you're happy, brush it off and don't worry about it" and "don't lose sleep over it, if you don't want to ruin what you got." Leah is beyond confused about her feelings so she talks it out with her sister. Leah says that her marriage meant everything to her, but she has moved on. But, on the other hand, Leah wonders if the marriage would have improved as they matured and mourns the idea of them being a united family. Leah's sister tells her that she cannot go back to Corey just because of the girls, adding, "I think he's just doing this because he sees that you're happy."
Teen Mom 2 returns Monday, January 7.
TELL US – DID YOU CATCH THIS EPISODE ON CHRISTMAS EVE? YOUR THOUGHTS?
Photo credit: MTV