Alana Thompson and her redneckognizing family are back with a slew of holiday specials. First up? It's Halloween! If the group's time at Shhh! It's A Wig is any indication, we are in for a wild, wild ride. I have not been quiet in my love for all things Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, but last night was overkill. Don't get me wrong, I still love this family, but TLC needs to differentiate between thirty minutes of hilarious redneck reveling and an hour of dragging out poor Sugar Bear in a wheelchair. Although, how awesome was he with baby Kaitlyn?
Oh Lord, I don't even know what to say. Two minutes into the special we are treated to June napping haphazardly across her bed and Pumpkin emerging from the crawl space beneath the house (just how close does that train come to their home??) with some nastiness she's found. Pumpkin ties said nastiness to a 2×4 and dangles it over her mother's face. I can only imagine what the remaining fifty-eight minutes have in store. As for Chubbs, Chickadee, and Smoochie, they love Halloween for the sweets. As Alana so eloquently sings/raps, "Halloween is all about the treats…treatin' myself to candy!" She's practically autotuned!
Poor Sugar Bear is in a wheelchair due to a recent surgery, and Pumpkin wants to dress up Chickadee's baby as a cheese ball for Halloween. The baby is precious! June shares that Halloween is a special time for her family, given that the girls love to dress up (well, duh, they are a pageant fam!), and they love to eat candy. I'd say that's a fair assessment. The family is decorating the yard for Halloween, and I have never seen such an assortment of pumpkin inflatables. There's that darn train again…I'd make spotting the train a drinking game, but I fear that I wouldn't be able to make it through this recap! June and Sugar Bear gather up the girls to head to the pumpkin patch. I'm so happy to see they already have their Christmas lights up on their house. That should make preparation for the yuletide holiday special that much easier.
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Oh my goodness. They group arrives at the "redneck pumpkin patch" and ride on cow-painted barrels attached to the back of golf cart. Alana picks a "wop-sided" pumpkin that reminds her of her mother. June explains that she isn't "wop-sided" she's just "curviness." Sugar Bear can understand the "wop-sided" comparison. After loading up their pumpkins, the sisters go play dodge ball in a hay field, but it quickly turns into a game of shank Mama in the face with a ball. June isn't happy, and poor Sugar Bear is left feeding the baby in his wheelchair. Back at home, June is dying her hair blonde in lieu of getting a costume. Sweet Alana tells her mother that she is beautiful with any hair color. In order to save money, June is allowing her daughter free reign with her hair. This could be really, really bad. I feel like I'm reading a novel because of all of the subtitles. Shockingly, none are needed when Sugar Bear so romantically states that seeing June as a blonde will make his loins perk up. If that's not love, I don't know what is!
A newly blonde June struts her stuff in front of Sugar Bear, and I must say, it's an improvement. Sugar Bear and June then spend too much time with sexual banter…Sugar Bear telling June he wants to open her package, and June telling Frisky McBrisky that the package has been sealed and closed for business. Thankfully, we are interrupted by Chubbs telling us that her mother's hair is a hot mess. Period. End of sentence. Okay, I don't want to call out TLC, but the girls totally didn't get the underside of their mother's hair. Immediately after, when doing her interview, June's color is perfect (well, relatively speaking), and her hair is a few inches shorter. Someone went to Great Clips! For the record, I am not knocking Great Clips…I prefer to spend my money on good food, and no one can tell that my haircut costs a mere eight dollars.
There's the train for the umpteenth time! Watching these people carve pumpkins is so much more entertaining than watching ladies throw wine bottles at one another. They have their own special names for the carving tools, and June is trying her hardest on her "wop-sided" pumpkin. When Uncle Poodle arrives my world is pretty much complete. Once the girls tire of putting the sloppy pumpkin goo in their hair, the family starts a pumpkin gut fight. Chubbs decides to decorate the baby's face with pumpkin seeds. Uncle Poodle decides to put June's wop sided pumpkin on his head, and he promptly gets stuck. TLC needs to work on their editing…June's hair is back to it's two-toned goodness. Finally, Uncle Poodle is able to free himself with the help of a hammer, and there goes that train again!
We learn that June has a deep seeded fear of mayonnaise. I can't say I blame her for that, but come on…she makes 'sketti for crying out loud. Her daughters want her to face her fear, so they empty three big jars into a bowl and place it in front of her. June admits that she'll eat egg salad or tuna salad and other things that contain mayo, but she can't watch it be made. I'm the same way! I love pimento cheese and a good chicken salad, but I would NEVER put that slop on a sandwich or make said chicken salad myself. I can smell it just thinking about it! However (and I'm super thankful for this!), my disdain didn't come about because I was forced to eat mayonnaise sandwiches as a child. Shudder. Chubbs and Pumpkin get into a fight over whether a vegetarian can eat mannernnaise…on sammiches. Oh phonics. I am about to vomit watching Alana put her hands all in the mayo. June is experiencing major anxiety as Alana licks it off her fingers. STOP EATING THE MAYO, ALANA! For the love of everything in this world that is good, PLEASE STOP!
The lights are out at the Thompson/Shannon manor, and the family finds a flashlight to make things even spookier. However, due to old batteries, there is nothing more than screaming about the awful flashlight until…TRAIN! Baby Kaitlyn then spits up on poor Sugar Bear. Is he the only one that ever holds the child? Finally, batteries are replaced, and it's time to tell the haunting story of the Fart Ghost. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I may like this show better in its thirty minute format. Said Fart Ghost farts mayonnaise. I've never been more thrilled to see that flipping train in my life. The following day, the family heads to Cackleberry Farms for the corn maze. As they walk around in circles, lost in the maze, June heads into the corn to relieve herself. Alana prides herself on getting her family out of the maze. After bouncing on a blob, the older sisters do a zip line. I have no more words for Cackleberry Farm.
The group heads to an unsuspecting costume shop. Alana requests to be a blue-haired piece of bacon. She's out of luck. After trying on multiple masks, June declares that it's nasty to try on other people's costumes. Trust me, the people who watch this show and realize they bought them after you wore them totally feel your pain. Chickadee thinks her daughter should dress as a crab given her third thumb. A deadpanned Sugar Bear suggests they dress up Kaitlyn as a hitchhiker. That man is funny, I don't care who you are! The family takes turns trying on costumes from afros to muscle men to genies.
TRAIN! Poor Pumpkin is on bed rest after "a freak accident with some keys." TLC then graciously has Sugar Bear and Pumpkin reenact said accident. Apparently Sugar Bear threw his truck keys to Pumpkin to get something out of his locked truck. Instead of catching the keys, they hit the poor girl in the eye, and now she can't go trick-or-treating. It actually sounds pretty serious, so I'm glad she's alright. Alana promises to go trick-or-treating for her sister. It's a very sweet exchange.
Precious baby Kaitlyn is dressed as a hot dog while Chickadee and Chubbs go as bottles of mustard and ketchup, respectively. Alana is dressed as a goth vampire. Appropriately, Sugar Bear dresses as a bear carrying sugar. Sugar Bear turns into horny bear when June comes out in the costume he ordered for her…Marilyn Monroe. June does a quick wardrobe change into a toilet paper covered mummy. They head to the Milledgeville Country Club neighborhood to get the rich people candy. June's words, not mine. Alana is practically looting these houses of all of their candy. She's disappointed when she gets home to find that some crazy house has given her dental floss. June is "checking" the candy by eating it, and she admits that if the kids are given fruits or veggies on their trek, they kindly wait until they are away from the healthy house to dispose of it. How polite! And, sadly, a very Boo Boo Halloween draws to a close. Next up…Thanksgiving!
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE BOO BOO HALLOWEEN? WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART?
[Photo Credit: Facebook and TLC]