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I cannot believe it is the season finale of Gypsy Sisters!

Normally I would argue that seven episodes was not enough for a season, but the level of catastrophic drama that these women were able to squeeze in seven episodes, I think I would be kind of scared to think what we would have witnessed had anymore aired. I mean how can you top; weddings, pregnancies, teen romance, paternity scandals, bachelorette parties, jail sentences, hospital visits, violent outbursts, family in and out the slammer, MIA parents and annulments to name just a few of the standout moments.. But more than anything we have seen these Gypsy Sisters; fight, smack talk, threaten, cuss, bitch and bicker like they are at war with one another.. and nothing is off limits during a Gypsy feud my friends! Did I mention the cussing?!

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In the words of Julie Andrews; ‘Let’s start at the very beginning – a very good place to start!'.  Mellie Stanley is gearing up for a job interview and her sometimes husband is driving her to the interview. She immediately starts swearing at him. I’d like to think it’s the hormones, but this season has taught me that Hellie Mellie loves nothing more than a good cuss out! Mellie says she needs the job because Robbie is unreliable and irresponsible – and I tend to agree. Knobby Robbie’s track record isn’t working in his favor with Mellie citing that he hasn’t even been to one of her doctor’s appointments since falling pregnant and if that weren’t a dealbreaker, Mellie starts to accuse Robbie of whoring around and claims she has the photos of his infidelities to prove it! Robbie response is: Deny Deny Deny and Deny a little more. If I were Mellie I’d totally tuck and roll my way out of that truck.

Now on to the three fashion musketeers: Nettie, Kayla and Laura are meeting at Hathir’s house to start work on their Gypsy kids clothing line. I immediately hoped that they could mail order to Australia and I could dress my niece in a leopard tutu and take lots of photos and then embarrass her on her 21st with a slideshow of her infant fashion faux pas! What’s a family without a bit of humiliation?

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Nettie is apparently really acknowledgeable with fashion, and I am acknowledging that I think she meant knowledgeable. To-may-to, To-mah-to! Because of Nettie’s extensive ACKnowledge she is hoping that Hathir is able to keep up, even though Hathir herself specializes in kids clothing as a professional seamstress. Hathir proceeds to ask the women what they had in mind for their fashion line and everyone watching heard crickets for the first time all series…

Kayla eventually takes the almighty plunge of breaking the silence & reveals her dream was to design clothes like she wears but for children. Hathir was obviously raised with manners or an excellent poker face because she totally pretends like this isn’t the most absurd idea she’s heard of. I mean I don’t know where in the fashion market that there is a demand for 2 year olds corset bustier and diamanté blinged out angel wing bras!?! Everyone laughs at Laura’s sketch but Laura defiantly announces that in her sketch she saw a vision, and I have to agree, I totally saw child protective services taking kids away from parents’ that dressed their offspring as baby hoochie mamas!

Mellie receives a phone call from her attorney Mr. Collins, who informs her he thinks he has found her father. You know the guy that looks like BettleJuice? Mellie jumps in her car and drives off not realizing she has left her baby capsule on her car roof, which subsequently flies off and hits the ground. I guess practicing with baby Demi hasn’t paid off yet.  I know I was joking about CPS before but it might be a good idea for TLC to keep them on speed dial when filming future Mama Mellie.

Back at Kayla’s house Danielle is learning the art of being a Gypsy Wife which basically entails cleaning, cooking and smelling bleach. Apparently bleach is like perfume to Gypsies. How lucky are the Stanley husbands come birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas!?! No Chanel No. 5 or CoCo  Mademoiselle for these women, a bucket of good ol’ liquid gold bleach from WalMart will do just fine fellas!

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Nettie and Mellie are meeting Mr. Collins to hear if he actually found her father. Nettie reveals that Mellie’s Dad was one of the better step father’s that she had. How many Rent-a-Dad’s did she have growing up? I guess Lottie Mae had a Lotta Men! Mr. Collins explains that sometimes people are better off not in your life and then reveals that Sir BettleJuice has a rap sheet a mile long.. I can’t help but feel compassion for Mellie and Nettie’s childhood, a mother in prison, a string of step dads and an absentee father. Nettie reveals that Lottie Mae and BettleJuice were a modern day Bonnie and Clyde duo until they were both arrested. If this was Nettie’s favourite step dad I literally do not want to think of the bad seeds. Mr. Collins then drops a bombshell; Mellie will be doing her first weekend stint in jail later in the month. I guess even without Lottie-Mae and BettleJuice raising Mellie, she still ended up following in their footsteps which I think is heartbreaking and tragic.

Mellie, Kayla and Annie meet for drinks and discuss how cheap their clothes are. Mellie announces she is wearing a $12 fashion stopper from head to toe you don’t say? and that the cheaper the clothes the better they look. I mean Kimmie Kakes would spend a small fortune on her wardrobe and I really can’t decide who ranks higher on the worst dressed list between these two at the moment! #Neck&Neck! Kayla declares that Gypsies just have knack for throwing cheap clothes together and making them look like a million dollar outfit, and somehow I think every serious fashion designer just had a really good chuckle. Snaps to Kayla and Mellie though, living in a parallel universe of delusion has worked out well for some peeps. Kim Zolciak totally thinks she can sing so why the hell can’t you two believe you can dress!

Nettie calls and invites Kayla and co. to take the kids snow tubing. Mellie immediately gets mad she wasn’t invited – even though she doesn’t have a kid to take yet. However I am inclined to say she has the mentality of a kid anyway, after watching her A-Grade tantrum throwing skills! Kayla starts to joke she will push Mellie down the tube nose first, to which Mellie grabs the phone and throws Kayla under the bus for bitching about Nettie and how she would run the kids clothing line into the ground. When Hellie Mellie strikes, she does so in full force! Kayla starts freaking that Mellie just may have initiated World War III. No sh%t Sherlock.

Back at Chateau Stanley aka Mother Hubbard’s house of many children, Nettie and Mellie are discussing Kayla’s smack talking session with Mellie. Nettie is furious Mellie didn’t stick up for her because they are sisters. Mellie loyally tells her Nettie she will attack Kayla and Annie because that is just the mood she is in today. That’s pregnancy hormones for ya!

Nettie seems pleased with attack dog Mellie’s grand gesture of loyalty by yelling at Kayla and Annie for just about anything she can think of. Danielle tells Mama Kayla to hang up the phone, and I have got to say, when your 14 year old’s advice is spot on – something is seriously wrong! Kayla tells Nettie that she misinterpreted everything that Mellie told her about what was said.

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Kayla must have been consorting with Robbie for tips because she has suddenly signed a 12 month membership with the: Deny Deny Deny club.  But if I were up against a spitfire like neurotic Nettie, I’d be in full blown denial too! When Kayla gets her denial on she starts rambling at a hundred miles an hour! Kayla has an epiphany and realizes the denying club is getting her nowhere fast and owes her a serious membership refund ASAP – Girl has a hankering to buy some angel bling bras anyway. Kayla decides to get kray-kray on and insinuates Mellie made up the story herself. Do these women even realize they are being filmed while they lie??   

Yep, that was smart Kayla, provoke the hormonal pregnant woman who not only has a history of violent behavior – she is going to jail for it. Why, oh why did Kayla not follow her rational 14 year old daughter’s advice and hang up that darn phone?! Mellie absolutely loses her mind and starts hurling insults and threatening Kayla for lying. I needed to down a stiff drink after witnessing that phone call from hell.

It’s the day of Mellie’s baby shower and Mellie asks Nettie to come to her hotel room, where Mellie strips off her jacket to reveal body paint over her tummy and tata’s to announce she is having a boy. #Classy. However this revelation is actually not a new revelation for Nettie, who apparently is some sort of baby whisperer that never gets the sex prediction guessing game wrong. I guess she is one of those magic Gypsies that can read palms and see the future in crystal balls. Surely that can’t be true? If she could have predicted the future would she have allowed her family to be a part of this train wreck mess for television? Hmmm…. That one is pretty 50/50. That’s not all that Mellie is announcing, she informs Nettie that she has made up with Kayla. Nettie is conflicted because she wants the girls to be at the baby shower because they are family but on the other hand she doesn’t know if she can trust herself not to go full Gypsy on her own flesh and blood and attack them. A family that fights together, stay together? Yep, can’t say I ever heard that one…

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Kayla, Annie and Laura arrive and Mellie decides it’s the perfect moment to flash her baby announcing boobies to the guests at her baby shower. Totally normal behavior at a Gypsy baby shower right? Kayla decides to clear the air with Nettie, she gives her a hug and sings a song about cousin love. Nettie isn’t buying any of it but sucks it up for the sake of the shower. And I just spotted baby Demi wearing a corset and I guess boob flashing is an intergenerational pattern for the Stanley’s because poor baby Demi’s corset seems a tad too big and she’s pulling a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. #NotCute!

Mr Denies everything and Bails always  Flobby Robbie arrives at the baby shower and all the women seem impressed he is there. Am I the only one who thinks he is a douche and a loser for not even making it to his first child’s sonogram appointment with his wife? I guess I’m the odd one out on this because the women are just thrilled and just want to let Robbie the knobby eat cake and do as he pleases. Luckily his wild wife isn’t going to let him off the hook that easily and instead smashes the cake in his face. Small victory… but I will take it!

Mellie reveals that the day after her baby shower she has to go to jail. Good times! Nettie isn’t amused Mellie decided to share this little nugget with everyone at the baby shower. Is this seriously where Nettie wants to draw the line on private family matters? LOL! I think she has forgotten what we have witnessed all season! Naughty Nettie then one ups her baby sister and reveals that a day after she gave birth to one of her hundred children she had to go away to jail for 72 days. 72 days you say Nettie? Well that’s merely a Kardashian marriage! I think the Stanley Sisters need to jump ship and collaborate with MTV to be in the next BadGirlsClub #LookOutTanisha!

Mellie philosophically tells the camera that there is no way she is Robbie’s dream girl and he certainly isn’t her dream guy (I am starting to see why this marriage has failed miserably) but she needs his support through the time in the slammer. Judgment day has arrived and Mellie is facing the consequences of her violent crimes by following in the footsteps of Mama, Papa and Sister Nettie by learning the harsh truth – if you ain't prepared to do the time, don’t do the crime!

The season ends with Nettie threatening promising that we haven’t seen the last of the Stanley Sisters…

Fancap author: Gina P.

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SEAON FINALE? ARE YOU HOPING FOR ANOTHER SEASON OF THIS TRAIN WRECK?

 

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