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Do you hear it? Wait. For. It. Ah, there it is, Farrah Abraham's desperate cry for fame. So sad.

We can only hope that this former Teen Mom star is on the fast track to stardom perusing the classified ads. But, before she succumbs to the horrors of this foreign thing called JOB, Farrah sits down with Dr. Phil to discuss her latest desperate attempts to be relevant again. 

Farrah shares why she chose to appear on 16 and Pregnant, saying, "My ultimate goal, at that time, was to show a struggle, and no matter what, any teen who is pregnant can get through it." Of course, 16 and Pregnant led to Teen Mom, and Farrah goes on to say that being a reality TV star helped her to "step up as a business woman."

Step up, indeed! While Farrah has dabbled in many ventures since Teen Mom, she recently took her first stab at filmmaking. A film of the naughty variety. Details, smetails, Farrah loves to tell tall tales. 

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"I did not make a porn video," Farrah explains to Dr. Phil. “I made my own personal video. My personal video does not show any other male’s face. He is just like the prop in the background. It’s more about me. I’m celebrating my body, and I’m showing my feminine side. This is something that never should have been talked about publicly, because it was something that I personally wanted when I’m older. I want those sexy photos of me of my best year."

Farrah insists the tape was never meant to be public knowledge. So, when first approached by TMZ, she denied its existence. "I was just out shopping and they brought it up," Farrah says. "I'm like, 'No, there's nothing,' because there shouldn't have been anything to talk about. I wasn't talking about it. Then I saw (big eye roll) my manager (big huffy breath). James Deen was, like, talking about my personal business. I think he is a really horrible person for doing that."

Farrah boohoos, “Why should you speak about a woman’s private business and not even consult with her first or wonder what this is going to do to her life?”  

James Deen's motive, according to Farrah, "Some people want their own attention because they aren't important to me. (Oh Farrah. Never change.) I think he's trying to promote himself and get more famous right now in his career and maybe he has other issues. I just think it's very disrespectful how he has been talking about me without even, like, saying anything to me. I have called him since (poor James!) and he isn't sorry. He doesn't care." 

Dr. Phil: If he told me that you had planned to make this from the very beginning, that would be a lie?

Farrah: That would be a lie.

Dr. Phil: If he said there was a release signed and a distribution agreement signed before this was ever shot, that would be a lie? 

Farrah: That would be a lie.

Dr. Phil: So, you are in control of it, and all you have to do is just put it in your drawer and not ever mention it again.

Farrah: That's right.  

Dr. Phil: So, what's all the drama, then? It's done; they can't release it.

Farrah: There's no drama on my side. I've already moved on. 

So, now that the cat is out of the bag, Farrah might as well make a few bucks off of it, right? 

“I am not shopping the tape,” Farrah answers. “But, if I’m going to release something because somebody’s already seen it, I really need to take into consideration my future, and yes, there is a money amount to that. I’m not going to just let something be out there for free that should have never been out there."

Last week, that "money amount" was $2 million. Now, Farrah says, "I think it would have to be more than that because I don't know the ramifications – a certain amount of income to take care of your life and support it and do your other endeavors." Coincidentally, Kim Kardashian requested roughly 2 million for her tape, though Farrah insists she pulled that number outta nowhere. 

Farrah goes on to say that she doesn't care what people believe, adding, "I'm sure we could take everything and say what we went for our own reason, but, like, this is my video and I'm telling you exactly what is. I don't know if anyone is ever going to see this so I don't need to be worried about he said, she said, whatever said."

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Farrah's parents, Michael Abraham and Debra Danielson, are as delusional as ever. 

Michael believes that Farrah never intended to go public with the tape, saying, "This issue, all along, was private. Yes, unfortunately, we're talking about sex and a very touchy subject, but there are a lot of people using their PDAs for other things. (Huh?) I'm not trying to condone this, as I think the facts are still trying to come out, and I'm not justifying what people do in private. That's their business." 

“My daughter is very attractive," Michael adds. "She’s a model, and I started to temper myself a little bit, thinking maybe Playboy, maybe Penthouse, but never that personal video being put out to the public."

About Farrah's extra curricular activities, Debra says, "Total shock, total surprise. I would never ever ever condone any kind of sexual tape." 

“My hope, as a mom, is that this was not produced with the mindset of making money — a quick buck — or using poor judgment,” Debra continues. “I would love to see my daughter in a beautiful magazine or creating something lovely. I don’t want people seeing my daughter exploited sexually.” When Debra says that she never wants to see Farrah's sex tape (Ewww!), Farrah remarks, "I respect myself in a different way. I'm not trashy. I wasn't having sex and making a porno. No. I'm. not. like. that." 

Dr. Phil: You're pretty much perfect, aren't you?

Farrah: You know, that's what I strive to be. I think that we should all strive to be the best people we can be.

Dr. Phil: How's it feel to have gotten there?

Farrah: You know what, it feels pretty great.

Dr. Phil: Is there a flaw at all in you?

Farrah: Yes. I have had a lot of flaws this year, trying to work out being 21, and being in the public eye has cost me a lot of issues. No one is perfect.

Debra blames reality TV for ruining her relationship with Farrah, saying, "I think the pressure, sadness, and grief of having the baby, Derek's untimely death, drugs … all of this combined, all of these experiences … Farrah had a lot of scrutiny on her from the public. That affects people."

Farrah butchers the English language responds, "Mom, you're speaking of things that are already done, over with, move forwarded. None of that's around, none of that creates any tension. If you wanted to better interactions with myself, you could totally do that every day." 

The audience groans! Debra insists she tries! Every day! 

"I just feel this, our relationship is at its best and apparently should be fine if we try every day," says Farrah to Debra. "I feel that still there are some things that could be worked on personally – within your self – and then it would help us have a better interaction." When the audience lets their feelings of disgust be known, Farrah adds, "I can't even deal with this." Farrah has since moved out of Debra's house. 

Moving on to the DUI, Farrah explains, "I got a DUI because I was out the other night with my sister and 'x' and 'x' happened. It wasn't putting me in a good situation, so I had to be locked out of the house, my car got towed, blah, blah, blah. I'm home now, everything is fine, and yeah, I'm just not happy about it." Farrah admits that she was definitely drunk; however, she dwells on the fact that the officer approached her car while it was parked. 

Dr. Phil: Had you been driving?

Farrah: Um. I was parked for two minutes.

Dr. Phil: Had you been driving before that two minutes?

Farrah: Yeah. I drove around the corner and parked. Two minutes later, the cop came over.

Dr. Phil: You were driving…(Farrah, interrupting: Around a corner) …drunk?

Farrah: I wasn't driving. So, no, I was not driving drunk. 

Dr. Phil: I thought you said you were driving. 

Getting angry, Farrah declares, "I drove around a corner and parked. I guess maybe if I was driving and still driving and still driving and then the cop pulled me over then that's really driving drunk. When I was pulled over, or when I was approached by a police officer, I was not driving. The car was shut off, my hands were off the steering wheel, I had been parked. There was no driving. That's that."

Once again, Dr. Phil questions whether or not Farrah drove the car around the corner, and Farrah says yes. She drove the car around the corner, parked it, and sat for two whole minutes. "Did you get drunk in that two minutes?" Dr. Phil wisecracks. The audience cheers! Farrah tears up! 

"I just think you're being really negative, that's all I can say, and it's upsetting," Farrah says. "I wouldn't want to hit someone.  I wouldn't want to kill someone. I wouldn't want to put myself in this position of driving my car like I had to because I thought I had to go get my sister. When you're saying, 'Oh Farrah, you purposely were drinking and driving,' no, I wasn't purposely. I wasn't trying. No. I. Was. Not. I didn't want to be there. It's just upsetting."

Farrah continues, "I'm upset at how you made this situation. It has upset me," to which Dr. Phil responds, "You're upset because I ask you questions that you don't have good answers for." Farrah rolls her eyes and says she doesn't care. 

Farrah: I'm sorry I have to be put in a situation that just upsets me. I'm sorry about that.

Dr. Phil: Unlike your mother, I don't care… (Farrah, interupting: I don't care that you don't care.) …whether you throw a fit or whether you don't. I just ask you questions like an adult.

Farrah, mocking: I throw fits.

Dr. Phil: I'm asking you questions. I've asked you in a respectful tone. I've allowed you to deliver your answers in their entirety.

Farrah: You've done all you can do.

Dr. Phil tells Farrah that she has an incredible sense of entitlement. Farrah is so ignorant … it's painful to watch … good grief. 

TELL US – OMG. WILL FARRAH ALWAYS BE SELF-INVOLVED BRAT? DID YOU WATCH THE SHOW? DUE TO YESTERDAY'S EVENTS IN BOSTON AND MY LOCATION, I WASN'T ABLE TO WATCH THE SHOW IN ITS ENTIRETY. PLEASE LET US KNOW WHAT WE MISSED! 

Photo credit. Dr. Phil Facebook

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